Rebekah Hardy

I was 12 years old the first time a guy used the excuse of being “sick” to avoid going to Mass with me. Sadly, that was not an isolated event and I quickly learned that while I may enjoy my faith, the guys I found myself involved with didn’t seem to feel the same way. So, for a time, I joined the ranks of women who lived their faith in a life of quiet desperation.

So what do you do when you have feelings for him: He’s handsome, he cares about you, he gets along with your crazy family, BUT… he doesn’t share your faith. When the whole “flirt to convert” thing doesn’t work out: Many women find themselves in this tricky situation and are torn between their heart and their conscience. Having previously been in and witnessed many relationships like this, I think there are two possible ways to work with them: either you need to work things out in a way that will benefit both of your journeys to God, or you need to break it off for the time being, if not permanently.

That may sound like a very black and white way to look at a situation where feelings are involved, but I would like to propose a certain way of looking at it: Dating relationships are for getting to know another person on a more intimate level and will either end in a break-up or a wedding. If you are planning on eventually breaking up with the person you are dating, there is no point in prolonging your relationship. However, if you are in your relationship with the hope of a long future, there are certain things to keep in mind.

The first question you might ask yourself is: is he striving for the same things that are meaningful to me? Being in a relationship with someone is all about helping one another along the path of life and eventually Heaven. If your faith means a lot to you, you will want to grow in it and become the best person that you can. You should ask yourself: Does he help me with this or does he hold me back?

In the book of Corinthians, St. Paul says “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). This is not to say that your boyfriend is “wicked” or in “darkness” but think about what St. Paul is saying. Is your guy pulling his weight when it comes to virtue or is he holding you back?

I know there are wonderful people who are not practicing Catholics. I’m not saying that these people are bad, but you may want to take a second look and make sure that those unshared morals do not equal uneven morals. If you are working towards a pure and chaste relationship, you know how hard that can be. When the other person in the relationship is not reaching for that same goals and you have no one to hold you accountable, it becomes easier to fall into sin.

Whether you are in a relationship like the one described above or not, I encourage you to continuously pray for your future calling whether it be to marriage, religious, or single life. Pray that you may always do Gods will in order to bring His perfect plan for your life to fulfillment. God has a plan for you. His plan will bring true happiness and peace. Do not lose hope and do not settle for anything less than the love that will get you to heaven one day. So on that glorious day when you stand in front of the throne of God and hear Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much, Enter the joy of your master” (Matthew 25:21) you can look to that special person who helped you get there and thank him.

I am praying for you now and always as you seek holy relationships.

God loves you so much and so do I.
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Rebekah Hardy lives in New Jersey and is currently a Junior at Mount St. Mary’s University in Emmitsburg, Maryland where she majors in Theology and Education. She is the vice president of the SGA executive board for her university, is a retreat leader for Campus Ministry, and is a FOCUS student leader. She enjoys playing sports, praying the Rosary, and drinking all different kinds of coffee. Her blog can be found at catholiclifesite.wordpress.com The Facebook page for her blog is www.facebook.com/ClassyCatholic and her twitter handle is @bekahhardy7.

Sometimes it can be hard to tell whether or not the person that we ladies spend all of our time thinking about, texting, and/or crushing on will actually be good for us in the long run. If a guy is handsome, charming, and smells nice… chances are we don’t mind his 300 other girlfriends, the questionable way that he never texts back, or his possible criminal record.

I mean, I understand that he has a gorgeous smile but there are more things to consider here. A nice smile doesn’t mean much when you want to have a heart to heart conversation about your faith or something that means a lot to you.

I was in adoration recently and I opened up my Bible to Ephesians 5:25 where St. Paul gives the women of the Church a fantastic guideline for making sure they are in a good relationship. He writes, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

What criteria does this give us for when we are discerning a relationship?

Well first of all, is this person selfless? Christ “Gave himself up” for the church out of love for her, if Christ only thought about himself, he would not have been loving perfectly. Instead, he does not put himself first. St Paul reinforces this point in 1 Corinthians 13:5 when he says that “(love) is not selfish.” If your guy just wants to talk about himself all the time, it’s probably time to move on. You’ve got more important things to do than listen to him brag about how many grapes he can fit in his mouth.

Next, does this person love you? Now I know that is a very serious question and most people over the age of twelve don’t say “I love you” in a relationship until they have been dating for 300+ years… but love in one of its many forms is the preference of another’s happiness over your own. If your guy is constantly canceling his plans with you to hang out with his other friends… That’s a red flag concerning how much he actually cares for you. I’m definitely not saying that you should be his only friend or that he can only hang out with you, but if your plans together get pushed aside or forgotten by him often, you may want to take a harder look at your relationship.

Finally, while this person will most likely not be asked to give himself up for you in a death like Christ’s, he will be asked to die to himself and his passions every single day in order to preserve your purity. Does he die to his impure passions for the good of your relationship? The struggle to remain pure in a relationship should be something that you can both unite to take on together. If he does not fight to defend your purity then he is not respecting you in the way that you deserve to be respected most. You are a priceless creation that deserves to be guarded and loved in the right way. If he does not see that, you most definitely should get him a new pair of glasses and promptly show him the way to the door.

Relationships are not easy, love is not easy, and discerning both of these things can be exhausting. Thankfully, we as a church have wonderful examples of love to follow and learn from.

I will pray for all of you as you pursue holy relationships. God loves you so much and so do I. 1 Corinthians 13

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Rebekah Hardy lives in New Jersey and is currently a sophomore at Mount St. Mary’s University in Emmitsburg, Maryland where she majors in Theology and Education. She enjoys playing sports, praying the Rosary, and drinking all different kinds of coffee. Her blog can be found at catholiclifesite.wordpress.com and her twitter handle is @bekahhardy7.

Image via Flickr, CC 2.0.

A good friend of mine recently gave me a book about future spouses. After each chapter there is a nice little guide to writing your own letter to your future husband/wife. I decided to write my own letter and share it with you. So here it is . . .

“Dear future husband,

Hey. How are you? I just wanted to write to you to tell you that I am waiting for you. I’m waiting for you because I already love you. I’m waiting for you now and I will continue waiting for you until the day that God chooses to cross our paths.

I know that life can be hard and you might be tempted to despair or settle for relationships or situations that will not bring you true happiness or joy. But through all of this I just want you to know that I am also praying for you. Even though we may not have met yet, you are not alone in this. I know how you feel.

I know how easy it seems to just hook up with someone or use someone to fill in the loneliness that you feel in your heart. I know how tough it can be to say no to impurity. Just know that every time I feel this way, I think of you. I offer up this loneliness I feel in hopes that it will bring you some consolation on your journey. If you’re reading this, I hope you will do the same for me.

I hope you think of me when life gets hard. I hope you pray for me like I do for you. and just as much as I want you to wait for me, I don’t want you to wait for me. I want you to live your life to the fullest. I hope you take every opportunity to grow as a person and fall in love with God.

I want you to do this because this is what I’ll be doing with my life until the time comes when I can do it together with you. I am not going to sit around waiting for you to come sweep me off of my feet. I am going to live a life that allows me to be the best person I can be and grow to be in a place where I can love you as much as I possibly can when the time comes.

Whenever it is going to be that I can share my life with you, I want to give you all of my past experiences as a part of my gift of self . . .  and I want it to be a great gift.

So please, Get out there and experience this beautiful gift of life that you have been given! Ill meet you somewhere along the way. So if you see me in a coffee shop or in a chapel, don’t be afraid to say hi (If in a chapel, let me pray first . . . I might be praying for you). Eventually we’ll get to catch up on everything that has happened since the last time our souls met.

I’ll be seeing you around.

Love,

Me.

—————

I know this blog post is a little different from the usual, but I hope that you will all consider the kind of life you want to be able to share with that one person that God has set aside for you. Enjoy your time in this life with the knowledge that whether you are called to marry another human being or whether you are called to marry the Church through entering the priesthood or marry Christ through the vows of religious life, you should use your time now to grow in love and virtue so that when it happens, you can fulfill your vocation in an exciting and joy-filled way.

I’ll be praying for all of you and your future vocations and I hope that you will pray for me as well.

God loves you so much and so do I.

1 Corinthians 13

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Rebekah Hardy lives in New Jersey and is a sophomore at Mount St. Mary’s University in Emmitsburg, Maryland where she majors in Theology and minors in English. She enjoys playing sports, praying the Rosary, and drinking iced coffee. Her blog can be found atcatholiclifesite.wordpress.com and her twitter handle is @bekahhardy7.

Image via Flickr, CC 2.0.

Being modest is hard. Speaking as a nineteen-year-old Catholic woman who loves fashion, I will tell you first hand that modesty is not easy. You know why? Because skin is in. The media is saturated in images of girls in crop tops and barely there pants. Less and less is being left to the imagination and my generation is being coerced into accepting this sick image of what womanhood and beauty are. Even the term modesty is becoming sexualized. I have heard the phrase “modest is hottest” more times than I can count. It is supposed to be an encouragement to girls to dress modestly because it is “hotter”. Is this the message that we really want to portray? Should women dress modestly because it will make them “hot”? Well I say no way, Jose. Being hot is not a compliment. Food can be hot, Arizona in the summertime can be hot, a heater can be hot… there are many other things that we can rightly call “hot” but I do not believe that people should be one of them. We deserve more than that. The fullness of human beauty is not at all touched by this objectifying phrase. Modesty is more than a fashion statement; It’s a life statement. I think that modesty, now more than ever, is a conscious choice to be who we were created to be. It is the choice to present ourselves as daughters of the king rather than objects. In his first letter to the Corinthians Paul says “You must know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is within-the spirit you have received from God. You are not your own. You have been purchased at a price. So glorify God in your body.”-1Corinthians 6:19-20 The price that we have been purchased at is the death of Christ. Through His death we have been charged with His glory. We are to glorify Him not only in our hearts and souls but also in our bodies. How do we do this? We do it by taking proper care of our bodies and realizing that they are the place where God’s own spirit dwells. We dress modestly not because we are ashamed of our bodies. We dress modestly because we know the great beauty that we carry within us… We dress modestly because we know that we are worth so much more than the shallow attention we will get for doing otherwise. You are so beautiful and so worth every bit of real love that this world has to give. Don’t settle for a lesser love. Don’t settle for the weak, lustful reactions that come with dressing immodestly. You are a temple of Our Lord.  I encourage you to dress modestly because you deserve it. You deserve to be recognized for the depth of your soul not the depth of your neckline. Modesty does not inhibit beauty, it allows it to shine even more brightly. I’ll be praying for you as you embrace this opportunity to become the daughters of the King that you were made to be. God loves you so much and so do I. 1 Corinthians 13 ___________________________

Rebekah Hardy lives in New Jersey and is a sophomore at Mount St. Mary’s University in Emmitsburg, Maryland where she majors in Theology and minors in English. She enjoys playing sports, praying the Rosary, and drinking iced coffee. Her blog can be found atcatholiclifesite.wordpress.com and her twitter handle is @bekahhardy7.

Dating, “talking,” seeing someone, going out—these are all titles that we use to describe our romantic relationships with others. One word that is hardly used anymore is “courting” and I completely understand why. The word just sounds so old-fashioned and boring and it almost brings on the gag reflex for most young adults… myself included. After hearing the term used again the other day, I actually felt compelled to learn more about the definition of “courtship.” Here is what I discovered:

Courting became popular in the 1800’s and it was pretty much a more serious form of what we now call dating. The process of courting began by the man gaining permission from the woman’s family to court her and then he would spend time with the woman and her family to judge whether or not marriage would be a good decision for both of them.

Courtship could be called honest dating, because the fundamental purpose of dating is to find a spouse. However, that goal becomes less clear when intentions are not stated and relationships become something used to satisfy physical or emotional needs.

Dating is not a cure to loneliness; it is a process of discernment that requires strength and selflessness.

The process of courting or “honest dating” is something that can only happen between two mature individuals who have serious and pure intentions. For these reasons, I have come to a greater appreciation and admiration for something as clearly expressed and deliberate as courtship.

I’m not saying that you have to marry the person that you’re dating or that you can only date someone who asks the permission of your family before pursuing you. What I am saying is: Be honest. Date with the knowledge that the next step is engagement and if you are in a relationship with someone who you do not believe God is calling you to marry… don’t obstruct God’s plan for both of your lives by remaining in a relationship with them.

In St. Paul’s Letter to the Philippians, he writes, “And this I pray that your love may abound still more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ.”(Phil 1:9-10)

Christ gave of himself fully both in body and spirit in order that we might make it to heaven to be with him forever. Being imitators of him in this way requires us to do whatever it takes to get those we love into heaven even if it means making tough decisions.

If there is any lesson we can take away from the idea of courtship… let it inspire us to have purpose in our relationships and realize the goal of marriage that these relationships lead to. The more honest and pure our pursuit, the more Christ-like and holy our relationships can be.

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Rebekah Hardy lives in New Jersey and is a sophomore at Mount St. Mary’s University in Emmitsburg, Maryland where she majors in Theology and minors in English. She enjoys playing sports, praying the Rosary, and drinking iced coffee. Her blog can be found atcatholiclifesite.wordpress.com and her twitter handle is @bekahhardy7.

With summer here and people already working on their tans; magazine articles are beginning to shift toward things like How to Get a Perfect Beach Body, This Years Best Waterproof Makeup and How to Look Less Terrible After Swimming in the Ocean. Among these headlines is usually “Hottest Summer Hook-ups” or something to that extent.

While the idea of these “hook-ups” might seem appealing and exciting, it is not something that should be considered praiseworthy. In all honesty, hook-ups are only about self-gratification and using someone else’s body as an object of pleasure.

I would like to propose an idea contrary to this—the idea of summer love. You might be thinking “Wait, aren’t they the same exact thing?” Well the answer is no. I’m not talking about the “Summer Lovin’” Grease stylization of a glorified hook-up… I’m talking about love—in the summer. I’m talking about mutual respect for another person’s body and soul. I’m talking about Christ-like love.

In his 1st letter to the Corinthians, St. Paul famously presents what love is and also what it is not. He writes “it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests it is not quick tempered it does not brood over injury” he says “Love is patient, love is kind”.

This kind of love is what we should give and also hope to receive from those around us. The great thing about this type of love that it is not limited to one type of relationship. It is possible for us to treat everyone around us this way.

So ditch the summer hook-up mentality and take the summer love challenge. Try loving everyone around you and showing them the type of love that Christ desires to give them. Be that light of love in the world.

This will provide so many opportunities for happiness and healing for you and for those around you. It could change their lives and it definitely will change yours.

I will be praying for all of you as you embark on this lifelong journey of love.

God loves you so much and so do I.

1 Corinthians 13

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Rebekah Hardy lives in New Jersey and is a sophomore at Mount St. Mary’s University in Emmitsburg, Maryland where she majors in Theology and minors in English. She enjoys playing sports, praying the Rosary, and drinking iced coffee. Her blog can be found at catholiclifesite.wordpress.com and her twitter handle is @bekahhardy7.