Dating

Hey, beautiful people. Let’s talk about attraction. Dating can be difficult territory to navigate, sometimes. It’s tough to find a partner who is devoted to God, intelligent, driven, and family-oriented. Throw a little something called “chemistry,” or romance, into the mix, and the whole process becomes as tricky as a chem lab experiment. I think what baffles me most is Read more…

There was a time when I would spend hours analyzing a single text message that perhaps contained five words. Other times, I would find myself scrolling through an entire text conversation trying to decipher if this guy was interested in me or not. Why do we do this? We say that the dating world is so confusing, but I think Read more…

Fifteen There is a Taylor Swift song called “Fifteen” that contains a lyric that deeply resonates with me: “In your life, you’ll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team. I didn’t know it at fifteen.” Twenty-five used to feel old to me. Now, looking back, I understand that 25 isn’t old—rather, 15 is young. My teenage readers: don’t Read more…

Looking for dating and relationship advice? I have an answer: try being present. I reached for my pocket to check my phone for a text. Everyone around me was still there, but for that moment they ceased to exist. This is a common occurrence for many, but now imagine someone doing that on a date. Before we dive into the Read more…

One of the earliest memories I have is being about four years old in the drugstore with my dad. I remember ogling the rows of candy featured at the check-out counter before my eyes settled on a roll of Spree, and I asked my dad if we could get one. That time—for whatever reason – his answer was no, but Read more…

The dating world can be tough to navigate. Scratch that– the dating world IS tough to navigate. There are some lessons which only come through experience while others can be gained through the wisdom of good friends and trusted advisors. In this blog I’d like to share a huge lesson that I have learned through my own life experience and Read more…

I’m probably not the only single Catholic who’s read the Book of Tobit and swooned over the notion that God has set someone apart for me since the beginning of creation. Obviously, when Tobiah married his wife, it was God’s will for this union to take place, as evidenced by the Archangel Raphael’s words to Tobiah: “Do not be afraid, Read more…

Recently, I have been hearing the topic of “chastity” everywhere. I have found so much encouragement through reading Jason and Crystalina Evert’s books and hearing my youth group talks about the “Feminine Genius.” However, at school (and on Instagram) it’s a whole different story. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good ol’ girl gushing sesh, but it hurts me Read more…

I’ve discerned religious life, gone on dating fasts and discerned what God is calling me to. I’m 30 and single. I promise that I’m still breathing and have not spontaneously combusted. All good here. I’m just aware that God is calling me to a vocation to marriage, and now it’s time to act. Looking back on my twenties, I see Read more…

Nobody likes rejection. When it happens, the feeling that comes stings like a jellyfish (although I’ve never been stung by a jellyfish to know). I was recently interested in a guy who I was spending a lot of one-on-one time with. I felt the need to let him know that I was interested in him, even though I knew that Read more…

You may have a picture in your head of your ideal future – a dream of the way you would like your life to go. This may involve a spouse, a dog, six children, and a white picket fence, or it may look more to you like a life spent deep in prayer and service, or even in total isolation Read more…

Nothing brings us to despair faster than a sense of meaninglessness, a lack of purpose in our lives. These feelings of worthlessness lead us to seek outlets in various types of relationships, often of a physical or emotional nature, or in partying, alcohol, or drugs, as we seek to numb the pain. We are simply hard-wired for infinite happiness; and Read more…

Sometimes I think God teaches us to obey Him with the small stuff, so He can prepare us to obey Him with the big stuff. Obeying can be tough. As humans, we often get caught up on what we want out of life. What can God give me? Why can’t I have just this one thing? Our flesh makes it Read more…

To Wait. This verb seems to have been misplaced from the modern-day vocabulary. The              iPhones, the endless stream of social media, the Google searches… everything is at our fingertips. We seek entertainment in each moment and we want gratification right at the onset of any desire. As soon as we are hungry, we look for the nearest fast food restaurant Read more…

It is an unfortunate reality that we live in a society that sexualizes everything and glorifies instant gratification. The upside, however, is that many young, single Catholics continue to actively strive for chastity and understand why it is necessary. We have heard so many amazing accounts of what it means to give and receive authentic love, and we are always able to Read more…

I am blessed to be able to go to Adoration every day during my lunch break, as my office is right up the street from my church. I got into this habit last summer, when I was making some pretty significant changes in my life and often felt overwhelmed by these developments. My church, along with the Blessed Sacrament, has Read more…

Every day we make choices. Some are as small as deciding what shoes to wear or what we will eat for breakfast. Others require more thought, more prayer. How do I choose to spend my time on this earth? Who will I choose to spend my life with? As of late and with the newness of becoming a bride to Read more…

It’s no secret that chastity is HARD. Especially if you have been in love… or are currently letting your heart take flight into the unknown of falling in love, which is terrifying but also pretty exhilarating at the same time. When your heart is being drawn to that person it may “feel” almost impossible to pull on the reigns of Read more…

I remember reading a quote in my early teen years that moved me back then and resonates with me, today: “If you love someone, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.” I don’t know how much truth applies to this saying, but in my own life, I have experienced making the tough Read more…

A few nights ago, I was curled up on the couch scrolling through Pinterest as my mom watched reruns of The Pacific, a TV series that follows the lives of soldiers who fought in World War II. In this episode, one of the soldiers, dressed in uniform, walked over to the house next door and proceeded to ask his love interest on Read more…

“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing.” – C.S. Lewis Watching my parents’ marriage end in divorce has made me doubt love. I’ve wondered “does love last?” and “can it last for me?” With these fears, I became timid, safe, and distant in my relationships. Beneath those questions is another question: what is love? Our Read more…

Looking back, I imagine the majority of heartache I experienced in my early twenties could have been avoided had I paid attention to the three words: Talk is cheap.  More often than not, we figure out the character of a person by acknowledging their actions over their words. A good friend is one who shows up when we need them Read more…

  I would like to propose that us modern-day women have made a grievous mistake. You see, we have come to believe that some of the negative ramifications of the feminist movement are in fact how things ought to be. We think that if a woman is to be respected by men, she must prove to them her strength. She Read more…

“But I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” What do you do when you like someone, but don’t want to “jeopardize” your friendship? Well, the answer is not: just hang out, flirt for the next year, and develop a strong emotional attachment along the way, with no commitment from either side—only to lead to jealousy and confusion when a third Read more…

“To be honest, when I got down on one knee to propose to you I didn’t feel the butterflies that Disney movies train you to expect or feel the crazy passionate ‘I must have this girl’ feeling that Hollywood shows. Instead, it was as if I felt the ‘me’ that I had been up until that moment—the single and somewhat Read more…

At some point, you’ve probably heard the phrase “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” I have. I’ve gotten it from a friend justifying a spontaneous hook up with some guy she barely knew at a party. A couple of times, I’ve heard it from people who made a habit of leading others on, just for the attention. Once, tragically, Read more…

A couple of years ago I was sitting on a couch, listening to few of my friends discuss the idea of marriage. One of the pair let out a sigh and said, “Is loving only one person for the rest of your life even possible? It just sounds so complicated.” As far I was concerned, that was my cue to rain Read more…

If chivalry isn’t already dead, then at the very least, it seems to have passed its expiration date. Gone are the days of the chivalrous knight in his shining armor – a knight who would slay any number of dragons to rescue a beautiful princess. A knights who would pull out a throne for the princess to sit upon during the Read more…

Is love something ready-made, automated—so that all we have to do is push “play”? Does this guy or that girl always have my best interests at heart? I think we know the answers to these questions—for finding true love is often a complicated and messy process. The title of this blog takes its cue from John Paul II who used Read more…

Years ago I attended a high school summer camp retreat, and one night, one of our adult leaders corralled all of us girls into a room, leaving all of the boys on the other side of a closed door. What did this top secret, girls-only discussion consist of? A single woman telling a bunch of girls, “Don’t settle.” In telling Read more…

Store aisles are overstocked with giant teddy bears, exquisite rose bouquets, and LOTS of chocolate.  Valentine’s Day is here and our consumerist culture wants you to know it! Single or not, there are things you can do this Valentine’s Day for the Valentine that truly matters—the one that will stand, sit, and lay by your side until death brings you apart. Read more…

I can be a bit sassy with God. Like, “Hey Big Man I know you have a plan and I should probably be patient but if you could just send me a nice, tall, Catholic man right about now that would be great. I’m waiting…” My favorite thing with anytime I sass Him is He tends to deliver me a Read more…

She was the best catch I ever made—I don’t know how I got her, the seasoned fisherman said beaming at his beautiful bride of over 50 years. My grandparent’s love never ceases to amaze me. 50 years of marriage seems next to impossible in our world today and because of this our trust in lasting love has dwindled—taking with it Read more…

One often hears from young people something like the following: “You’re only young once—now is the time for me get this out of my system and live it up; I’ll eventually settle down later.” It’s easy to fall into this, assuming that my actions in the present have virtually no bearing on who I will become in the future. But Read more…

I have a bit of a confession to make: I have a dream guy. And I mean that quite literally. Allow me to explain: when I was younger, one person in particular from my daily life would show up in my dreams every now and again. As we grew closer, unsurprisingly, the dreams became more frequent. But when it later Read more…

It’s been said, “If I want to know who you are, show me your friends.” In order to steadfastly pursue the good—whether in sports, academics, or relationships—we’ll need the support of solid friends. So, how can we form friendships that last? Aristotle outlines three types of friendship: (1) friendship of pleasure; (2) friendship of utility; and (3) virtuous friendship. The Read more…

Today during my hour of cardio at the YMCA I couldn’t help but laugh at the TV screen as it played a new episode of The Bachelorette. Viewers get a sneak peak of a glamorous dating life. A gorgeous woman has the opportunity to date 15 attractive, successful men all at once! And she gets to kiss them too—every girl’s dream Read more…

“I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.” (Revelation 3:15-16) When I first read this passage I was always unsure of why Christ is so direct with his detest for lukewarm Read more…

As an introvert, people-watching is one of my favorite activities. I love to go to my favorite coffee shop down the street from my office and watch the flutter of caffeinated people around me. I was sitting in one of my favorite coffee shops a few weeks back when I saw something so rare, I couldn’t help but stare and Read more…

In a recent blog post, Tommy McGrady wrote that “marriage isn’t just hard. It’s sneaky hard.” But a friend of mine read it, and then she responded. “When you learn to communicate, love your spouse more than yourself, learn to compromise and accept that not everything in life is going to be the way you want, marriage is not hard at all,” she wrote.So Read more…

As a Catholic, I believe that dating is for discerning marriage — for discovering the truth about each other. For deciding whether to choose to love each other until death. Sometimes, dating is fun. You can go to aquariums together and stuff. There are otters at aquariums. Need I say more? Dating is good. If you pay attention, you learn about God and each Read more…

Hoje em dia, quando as pessoas pensam de dança, eles podem assumir que a prática é incompatível com a virtude da castidade. Enquanto isso é obviamente verdadeiro de algumas formas de dança, às vezes vejo artigos sobre a utilidade de danças em casal como swing ou valsa para o desenvolvimento de castidade. Quando leio esses artigos normalmente estou desapontado, não Read more…

O amor é algo já pronto, automático, algo que temos apenas que dar o play? Será que um rapaz ou uma garota sempre tem as melhores intenções no coração? Acho que sabemos a resposta para essas questões – encontrar um amor autêntico é normalmente um processo bagunçado e complicado. O título deste blog é baseado em São João Paulo II, Read more…

I was eating dinner with a lovely friend of mine the other night and the topic of future spouses came up somewhere in the course of the conversation. Both of us expressed the confusion we feel about the “perfect guy.” Some people say that there is no such thing as Mr. Perfect, since we are all flawed, while others will Read more…

Slingshots Remember the story of David and Goliath? The one where a small shepherd boy claims an unlikely victory over a warrior giant in an all or nothing battle with nothing but a slingshot? When you imagine it perhaps you picture David going into battle with only his slingshot and a prayer, but it wasn’t quite like that. Yes, God’s Read more…

The pursuit of love: the flowers, the candlelight dinners, the stargazing, the lazy movie nights, the nights out on the town…it’s all so exciting and new! You skim the surface of the mystery of this stranger—excited by what you see, and wanting to know more. You think about each other when you are apart, and you come up with countless Read more…

Blank Space, Baby In high school, I was that girl who was constantly on the look out for a guy to fill her blank space. And as soon as I met someone who showed some mutual interest, I’d jump right in. Within a few weeks it was usually official, or at least, it looked that way. He was perfect. He Read more…

Sometimes I like to listen to the Top Songs on Spotify to find my new jam. And one day, lo and behold, a smooth song came on and I began to sway a bit at my desk, getting excited. Could this be it? Then I looked down. Oh no. Oh, please no. It’s Justin Bieber. As I reached to change Read more…

Recently, as I was boarding my return flight to Denver, I was dreading the fact that I couldn’t avoid the uncomfortable experience of getting stuck with the middle seat on the flight. I comforted myself with the knowledge that it was a non-stop flight and that I was exhausted enough that I might be able to fall asleep, even while Read more…

He’s in a disaster of a relationship with a real wretch. She recently went through a rough breakup and isn’t ready to start something new. They work together for a “no fishing from the corporate pond” company. These are the plot lines that Hollywood rom-coms are made of. And if you’re Catholic, we can throw in a few more…. In Read more…

Nowadays, when people think of dancing, they might assume that the practice is irreconcilable with the virtue of chastity. While this is obviously true of some forms of dancing, I sometimes see articles on the usefulness of partner dances such as swing or waltz for developing chastity. When I read these articles I am usually disappointed, not because dancing is bad, but Read more…

He makes me happy. She makes me a better person. I can’t imagine life without them. What about the day that he stops making you happy? At some point he’s going to irritate you. She might make you feel like a terrible person down the road. Are you strong enough to be a better person on your own? You might Read more…

Around a year ago I wrote a post about what God had taught me during the year-long dating fast I’d felt convicted to take. What I hadn’t expected when I began that year was that it would lead almost seamlessly into a second year. In August last year I began the Sion Youth Foundation Year, an 11-month program which, much Read more…

As somebody who has written a lot about dating, I have gotten a lot of feedback from single young adults—ladies and gentlemen who haven’t tied the knot and want to, who routinely ask an honest question. “Where are all the good men?” or, “Where are all the good women?” The question is probably rooted in each person’s not so satisfactory Read more…

Cuando entré por primera vez en el “mundo de las relaciones” tenía un listado de ideales que quería que tuviera mi futuro esposo. No estoy hablando de principios sino sobre una imagen idealista – como los de una película. Sin embargo me di cuenta de que ningún hombre me hacía “sentir” de una forma mágica todo el tiempo, y nunca Read more…

“1, 2, 3…Silent Game! First to talk loses!” I bet most of us are familiar with this common childhood game. We would sit around on playgrounds or in class, trying to hold back giggling, and wait to see who would give in first. Unfortunately, the affect that silence can have within our relationships is far from the innocence of this Read more…

I’ll be totally honest; I’m a 20 year old who has never had a serious relationship. When I was younger, part of me was ashamed of that. I went to a huge public school where being in a relationship defined a person’s social standing. I wanted a serious relationship so I went on a few dates here and there, but Read more…

You are enough. We all too often forget how powerful these three little words can be in our daily lives. How often do you hear these words throughout your day? Almost never. Instead, we find ourselves glancing in dismay at the bathroom mirror, our vision clouded by what we want to see rather than the beauty of God’s creation before Read more…

“I love you”: those three words which we inevitably swoon over in soppy movies, yet which in reality cause some people to cry with joy whilst others weep with longing, and makes some grow in confidence and security but others choke in fear and want to hide. There seem to be so many factors and emotions caught up in these Read more…

Recently, I received a call from my good friend Americo, who I’ve known since I was 11. First he was my brother’s youth minister. Then mine. And by the way he is brilliant. That day, I had emailed Americo a dating question: How do we know that our standards are solid and not a sign that were hesitant to make the act of faith that marriage requires? It’s the “how far Read more…

My friends and I used to treat first dates like a final exam. If you pass, you get married. If you fail, or make a bad joke, you must wipe all your dreams off the board and start over. Dating is supposed to be fun but I easily forget to trust the process. Falling in love and marrying your best Read more…

It never ceases to amaze me how many people I know who end up in bad dating relationships. Not only are the relationships unhealthy for them, but for whatever reason, they are attached to the relationship and don’t want it to end. I received an email from a young woman asking for advice in her current dating situation. She shared Read more…

My friends and I used to treat first dates like a final exam. If you pass, you get married. If you fail, or make a bad joke, you must wipe all your dreams off the board and start over. Dating is supposed to be fun but I easily forget to trust the process. Falling in love and marrying your best Read more…

What images are conjured up by the words “dating fast?” Wait, is that someone not dating by choice? Yes, it’s that and so much more! It can include saying no to casual dating, flirting, making out, and the like; no spending an afternoon daydreaming about your crush or thinking about your wedding; and not encouraging any thoughts of lacking worth Read more…

The other day I stumbled across an article which essentially proclaimed “CHIVALRY IS DEAD: Here’s why.” Like a bright red flashing warning sign smack bang in front of my face, I saw the temptation to give in to that kind of defeatist thinking. And I get it, I really do! Pretending we don’t need strong men often hurts less than Read more…

I am 29 years old, and I have never had sex. Not even close. My decision to practice chastity implies that I never will, unless or until I am married. Which means if I do get married, I won’t have any sexual “experience.” So a young adult who reads my blog once asked me the following question: “Why would you want to Read more…

I have been in romantic relationships in my life, but I have been sporting single life for a while now. Recently, my friend told me about this awesome Catholic guy she was swooning over. Get this… they met on Valentine’s day!?! (Really, I thought that only happened in movies?) I was happy for her, but sometimes when I hear about Read more…

A total stranger asked me where I got my weave. Flattered, sort of, but my “weave” actually grows directly from my scalp. I mean, sometimes airport security people pat down my head because they’re suspicious I’m hiding something in my hair, so I wasn’t that shocked by her question. I told her my [lazy] regimen after she asked for it Read more…

Jackie Francois-Angel’s wildly popular article, “The Devil Wants You to Settle in Your Relationship,” sets forth several gut-check questions to help you determine if your relationship is “heaven-sent.” Jackie’s observations are spot on for pure Catholic singles, as well as for those who find significant others who hinder their purity. I strongly believe that the devil’s Plan A is to Read more…

As a general rule, I don’t watch chick flicks. Partly because I know the aftermath they leave behind—the frustration at life being so much harder than it’s portrayed, the longing to be loved like the heroine, the pain of wondering if I can be, the temptation to throw up at the sight of fully grown girls melting into a mess Read more…

Just before my wife and I got married, I read a great book by Archbishop Fulton Sheen about marriage. He claimed that one of the goals of marriage is that each spouse would gradually surrender their ego (sense of self-importance) as they strive to better love and serve each other. The idea sounded nice, but I figured that it wouldn’t really be Read more…

Forks and plates clattered against tables, and conversations filled the cafeteria. In the middle of this bustling scene, my attention was turned to a young woman. She had mentioned that she was in a bad relationship, which I could see was bringing her deep emotional harm. Horrified, I encouraged her to get help and leave the relationship. “But Jesus hung Read more…

Casablanca ends with the iconic line: “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” Granted, I’m no casino owner in love with a woman I can’t have, but I do know the power of beautiful friendships. And some of my greatest friendships are with men—those who I have liked romantically and those I have never liked in Read more…

Have you ever had a friend that was so obsessively focused on the good elements of her unhealthy relationship that she was unable to notice all of the red flags? No matter how much you tried to warn her, she always had a rationalization for why she stayed. Or, have you been that girl? Women have an innate ability to Read more…

Sometimes it can be hard to tell whether or not the person that we ladies spend all of our time thinking about, texting, and/or crushing on will actually be good for us in the long run. If a guy is handsome, charming, and smells nice… chances are we don’t mind his 300 other girlfriends, the questionable way that he never Read more…

Am I seen for what I am, or who I am? Recently, I had a long, conversation with a friend about her relationship with her boyfriend. She was concerned because she felt that he was seeing her as an object rather than an equal. After pondering this concern more, I realized that we as human beings (but especially women) tend Read more…