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Jason Evert

October 6, 2021 By Jason Evert

15 Tips to Stay Hooked on Porn

I’ve lost count of how many men and women have asked me how to break free from porn. Usually, I offer what advice I can, and then recommend they view the videos, blogs, and articles on our site, here. However, because I’ve spent so much time telling people how to stop looking at porn, I figured it was time to write a blog offering all the best tips for how to remain trapped in a porn addiction for as long as possible.

Why would I do such a thing?

About 75 years ago, C.S. Lewis penned the book Screwtape Letters. In it, he crafted a fictional series of letters between one demon (Screwtape) to another, explaining how to ruin a person’s soul. It’s a spiritual classic on how to resist temptation because he unveils the tactics of the enemy. When a person understands the strategies of the devil, one is better able to reject his advances and combat one’s sins.

So, I’m going to try the same approach with the topic porn, and give you the top 15 tips to stay stuck in porn. Keep in mind this is all backwards:

1. Believe in yourself. You can conquer this alone. If you go to others for help, it will only make them think less of you. Don’t humiliate yourself and become a burden to others in the process—most especially your family. Even if you have failed to overcome this vice for ten years on your own, keep at it. You’ll break through if you just try hard enough all alone. This way, your pride will be spared, because you can’t afford to take a hit there. Whatever you do, don’t use something like Covenant Eyes, which will block impure content from your devices and notify an accountability partner to keep you strong. Don’t bother with that, or with Accountable2You.com. It’s too much effort. If you can keep everything a secret, then you can continue to hate and love your sin without having to deal it a lethal blow.

2. Pretend that your only problem is lust. If you realize that there are underlying issues such as boredom, stress, loneliness, anger, self-pity, and entitlement that might need to be addressed, then you might end up uprooting the addiction. Don’t go to the root. Just keep hacking away at the weed.

3. Don’t pay attention to when and where you fall. If you pay attention to these things, you might end up discovering a pattern that could be addressed and you might end up replacing bad habits with good ones. Don’t be so obsessive about it. Its not like there’s an app that could help you keep track of that stuff.

4. Avoid counseling. If you have a persistent porn addiction, don’t go to a counselor. Counselors are only for crazy people who have debilitating mental health problems. You’re fine. Besides, where would you find a good counselor near you or one who would help you through Skype?

5. Remind yourself that no one is getting hurt. Porn is a victimless crime. Your soul isn’t hurt, your brain isn’t being damaged, porn doesn’t fuel the sex trade industry, and porn stars are well-adjusted and happy individuals who are thriving in their personal lives. Also, your future spouse and children won’t mind your little habit. Even if you think they won’t like it, you’ll overcome the habit by the time they come along. No rush.

6. If you ever fall again, this means you’ll never be free. Give up now. Don’t bother going to confession, because you’ve said it all before. What’s the point? If you insist on going to confession, make sure to priest-hop. In other words, don’t stick with the same priest more than once. That way, none of them can follow the trail of the scent of your sin. After all, you would only disappoint him by falling again. What would he think of you? He’d never look the same way at you again. No priest could relate to you anyway. If you go to a new priest each time, it’s much less humbling. Again, humility is to be avoided at all costs.

7. Your flashbacks will never go away, so just accept them. When memories of your habit come to mind at the most random and unwelcome times, just take that as a reminder that you’re never going to be free. Whatever you do, don’t take it as a reminder to pray for healing, or even worse—to pray for the healing and conversion of the person in your flashback. Don’t do that. Don’t transform temptation into intercession. Temptations are supposed to entice you towards hell, not remind you to bring others closer to heaven.

8. Consider lust and the temptation to be the same thing. As long as you think it’s a sin to be tempted to sin, then you can rest assured that you’re perpetually displeasing God by having sexual desires. That’s a healthy place to be. You won’t go neurotic. Indeed, keep telling yourself that if you become really really holy, then all of your sexual desires will evaporate. So long as any sexual desires persist, you’re a failure. After all, the annihilation of desire is the goal of purity. You must become numb to the beauty of others. Otherwise, you might discover that the beauty of creation leads you to its Source. Finally, if you realize that temptations to sin are opportunities to practice heroic virtue, then you might begin to break free from sin, and who would want to do that? Everyone knows that sin brings you deep joy and lasting satisfaction.

9. If you’re a woman, you’re the only one who struggles with this. To put it plainly, you’re a freak of nature. Lust is a guy problem. Something must be seriously wrong with you that you would fall into such a guy’s sin. You should be struggling with exclusively female problems like immodesty, gossip, and emotional things (guys don’t EVER struggle with those). Because you’re so unusual, you should definitely not confess this. You’ll just scandalize the priest and end up being the first woman on earth to confess such a horrid and unwomanly habit. Do yourself a favor, and live in shame. Give up, because you’re the only one who struggles with this. No one would ever admit to this habit, let alone write a book about it to give you encouragement and freedom.

10. If you’re a guy, you’re just like everyone else if you look at porn. Seriously, what guy doesn’t? Sex is natural. You just appreciate women. Women have a right to be in this industry, and you’re a champion of their first amendment rights . . . by spending countless hours in isolation gawking at your screen. Why should any man feel the need to rise above such base inclinations? Take it easy on yourself, don’t waste months of your life transforming it with something like Exodus 90 or Strive. Who needs a spiritual six pack when you can pamper yourself?

11. If you feel called to the priesthood or religious life, scratch that off your list. Nobody called to those vocations would ever struggle with lust in this manner. Lust is only a struggle for the people who aren’t called to be celibate. For celibates, purity comes naturally.

12. Stay away from websites like Fight the New Drug and E5men. Stick with other websites, if you know what I mean. Those three sites might make demands on you and ask you to sacrifice to kill your habit. Don’t follow fanatics like @MattFradd on Twitter, or use apps like Victory. Instead, make sure to click on every possibly immodest Twitter profile picture you see. You have to click. You’ll probably die if your curiosity isn’t satisfied.

13. Stay away from that Lady. You know, the one whom the old women ramble on about in their Rosaries? Don’t even mention her name, especially not when you’re tempted. While you’re at it, stay away from sacramentals in general. No need for holy water, crucifixes, holy images, etc. That’s all superstitious stuff anyway.

14. Don’t go to Mass too often, and steer clear of Eucharistic Adoration. The flesh of God might just be the antidote to the addictions of the flesh of man. So, stay away. The Bread of Angels is overrated. It’s not like you could find a Mass or adoration chapel near you, anyway.

15. You don’t need to kill the habit today. Tomorrow would work better. Actually. tomorrow is quite busy as well. Perhaps next month would be ideal.

____________________________

j-evertJason Evert founded chastity.com has spoken on six continents to more than one million people about the virtue of chastity. He is the author of more than ten books, including How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul and Theology of the Body for Teens.

Filed Under: Breaking Free, Masturbation, Porn, etc.

September 25, 2021 By Jason Evert

Top 10 Reasons Not to Sext

About a third of teens admit that they’ve sent sexually suggestive texts or images online or over their phones. Given the fact that sexting has become so commonplace in schools and among celebrities, many people never pause to think about why it’s such a bad idea. Here’s a top ten list, for starters:

1. Any sexual image of a person seventeen years old or younger is considered child porn. Therefore, if you’re in high school or younger, you can be charged for distributing child pornography for sending sexual photos of yourself or others.

2. If you have sexual photos of teens on your phone, you can face felony charges for soliciting and possessing child porn.

3. If you’re sending sexual images online, you might not realize who is on the other side of the screen. Countless sex offenders pretend to be teens by using online photos of others. USA Today reported how a 51-year-old man pretended to be a teenage girl named “Sara” and persuaded more than 100 young people he met online to perform sexual acts on their webcam. He recorded what they did, uploaded the footage to file-sharing servers, and traded them worldwide. Another sex offender set up a bogus woman’s Facebook account and tricked a number of high school boys into sending him sexual images of themselves. He then blackmailed seven of them to perform sexual acts with him in public parks and bathrooms, after threatening to distribute the photos to their classmates if they refused.

4. Even if you know the person who is receiving your photo, he or she could still use it against you if the relationship ends. Cyberbulling through revenge porn has become a common tool to hurt someone when a breakup turns sour.

5. As part of the college application process, many universities are not simply reviewing your grades and entrance essays. Some review your social media accounts to evaluate your lifestyle. Will that photo help your chances?

6. Even if you think the image will disappear via Snapchat, it’s easy for the recipient to save such photos by taking a screenshot.

7. Let’s be honest: What are the odds that this person will keep that image private forever? Some teens sell the images of their girlfriends to their friends. Others trade the images like baseball cards.

8. Five years from now, when you apply for a job, your employer can do an online background check and find the images floating in cyberspace. This won’t look good on your resume.

9. You may be surprised who finds out about the sext, and I don’t just mean your siblings, parents, or your Aunt Mildred. I know of a high school athlete who lost his scholarship to play football at a D1 state university for sharing sexual images of classmates on his phone.

10. It’s a sin, and it leads people to sin. In Luke 17, Jesus says: “Temptations to sin are sure to come; but woe to him by whom they come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung round his neck and he were cast into the sea, than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin.” Millstones can weigh hundreds of pounds, and you’re better off without one tied around your neck.

So, what do you do if someone asks you for a revealing photo? Send them a picture of your bare hand, waving goodbye to them.

____________________________

j-evertJason Evert founded chastity.com has spoken on six continents to more than one million people about the virtue of chastity. He is the author of more than ten books, including How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul and Theology of the Body for Teens.

Filed Under: Porn, etc.

August 1, 2021 By Jason Evert

Love is Not Hate

I once walked into a framing store with a large painting of Saint John Paul II, and laid it on the counter. The framer, a kind gentleman in his mid-forties, looked fondly on the image for a few moments, and remarked, “I’m a Catholic boy. Too bad the Church doesn’t want me.” Although it was unspoken, it was obvious he was referring to homosexuality. I asked, “What do you mean the Church doesn’t want you? Of course the Church wants you. God loves you. The Church loves you. This is your home.” He looked happily shocked asked, “What parish do you go to?”

We had a pleasant conversation, and when I returned a few weeks later, I greeted him and he exclaimed, “You remembered my name!” We again entered into a warm conversation and I soon noticed his eyes were becoming moist with tears. He asked, “Can I hug you?” “Absolutely!” I replied, and he walked around the counter and we embraced like brothers. I called over to my young son who was shopping with me, and said, “Give him a hug, too, buddy!” My boy wrapped his little arms around the man’s legs and mine. Driving home, I thanked God for the meeting, because I know I had encountered Christ in this man. Those brief moments with him were the highlight of my day. He even sent me a message online to show how he framed the same painting of Saint John Paul II for his house!

The reason I share this is because I don’t think I’m the only one who is tired of the media telling me that if I believe in traditional marriage, I “hate” people who experience homosexual attractions. Hate is a powerful word, and it shouldn’t be tossed around in hopes of scoring polemical points by stirring up people’s sentiments.

Many people who experience homosexual attractions have suffered through tremendous bigotry, cruel harassment, and homophobic shunning. Some have committed suicide because of the rejection and bullying that they have experienced—sometimes within their own families. We need to be deeply sensitive to these realities, acknowledging that such hateful prejudices should be condemned.

Are you a hater?
So here’s the question: Does the profession of one’s belief in traditional marriage constitute hate speech? If so, then those in favor of gay marriage should be asked:

Do you hate individuals who want to enter into a polygamous marriage?

Do you hate individuals who want to have an “open” or “monagamish” marriage, where fidelity is not a requirement?

Do you hate the woman who recently married herself?

Most people I know who experience homosexual attractions are delightful human beings. I have a difficult time thinking they would hate any of the individuals mentioned above—even though they might disagree with their definition of marriage.

So, let’s be fair: If you disagree with someone on the definition of marriage, this doesn’t make you a hater. You can disagree vehemently with someone, and still love him or her deeply.

Some will retort, “It just seems like the Church is picking on gay people by forbidding them to marry.” Those who make this understandable objection are often unaware that the Church isn’t trying to single out anyone. The Church simply believes that the sexual union of a man and a woman is one of the essential parts of marriage, and therefore those who incapable of it are also incapable of marriage. For example, the Church does not believe impotent couples are capable of marriage. [Not to be confused with infertility, impotency is when a person is incapable of intercourse.] It’s important to understand that when the Church talks about marriage, it is not primarily talking about what to people do (exchange vows), but rather what two people become (an icon of Christ’s love for his bride, the Church).

Not surprisingly, many people will object even to this, assuming the Church has no right to pontificate on such matters. What’s ironic is that the culture that first demanded to have intercourse without marriage now demands marriage without intercourse.

Called to love
By affirming that the one-flesh union is essential to marriage, the Church is not forbidding anyone to love. In fact, those who aren’t called to marriage are still invited to express God’s love in a powerful way. Many who experience homosexual attractions have joyfully embraced this calling, but their voices (and great websites) are often drowned out by those who assume chastity is an unrealistic option. Their lives are proof that although many have rejected the Catholic Church, the Church rejects no one.

In the end, it isn’t an expression of hatred to invite people to practice chastity. In fact, would be a false form of compassion to lead anyone to believe that they could find true happiness outside of the will of God.

The topic of same-sex marriage is bound to stir up emotional responses, and that’s okay. It’s healthy to have impassioned and spirited debates about a topics of great importance, such as the definition of marriage. But in the heat of the debate, let’s not lose sight of the fact that every person deserves to be treated with respect. If we begin calling one another names, it means that we’ve lost our temper or we’ve run out of valid arguments—or both.
____________________________

j-evertJason Evert founded chastity.com has spoken on six continents to more than one million people about the virtue of chastity. He is the author of more than ten books, including How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul and Theology of the Body for Teens.

Filed Under: Chastity, Church Teaching, Coming Out, LGBTQ, Marriage

April 24, 2016 By Jason Evert

Eu sei que preciso terminar com o meu namorado porque o relacionamento me levou para longe de Deus e minha família. Mas como eu faço isso? Eu não quero machucá-lo.

Não há nenhuma maneira de romper com um cara que vai deixá-lo sentindo-se alegre e contente. Vai doer. Mas tem que ser feito. Se uma menina nunca aprende a cuidar de si mesma e dizer “não”, ela nunca vai encontrar o amor.

Para romper com ele, talvez você possa tirar um tempo para escrever uma longa carta. Dessa forma, você pode colocar todas as suas razões por escrito e se ele se esquecer de qualquer coisa, ele sempre pode se lembrar lendo a carta. Você está deixando-o por causa dele (porque ele precisa olhar para onde a vida dele está indo), e por sua causa. Afinal de contas, é ruim para a sua fé, sua família e seu desenvolvimento como uma mulher. Ele pode tentar manipulá-la a ficar, mas você deve ser firme em sua carta que o namoro acabou. Pense em todas as vezes que você deveria ter sido firme com ele, e compense tudo isso em uma carta.

Além disso, encontre um companheiro de separação. Pode ser uma outra menina ou um membro da família que pode ficar ao seu lado durante esta transição difícil. Quando você se sentir tentada a chamar ou enviar mensagem para ele, você pode ligar para seu amigo de separação em busca de encorajamento para realmente terminar o namoro.

Fique forte. Não faça mais nada físico com ele. Não beije, não ande de mãos dadas. Nada. Este homem não é o seu marido, e suas afeições não pertencem a ele. Qualquer carinho a mais que você mostrar a ele é simplesmente incentivá-lo a continuar. Seja forte como eu sei que você pode ser, e se apegue a Deus, família e alguns bons amigos. Isto é, de longe, a coisa mais amorosa que você pode fazer por ele.

No futuro, saiba que, se qualquer relacionamento está prendendo você espiritualmente, então este é um sinal inequívoco de que a relação não é de Deus. Nesse meio tempo, eu estou animado para que você possa experimentar as coisas boas que Deus tem planejado para lhe dar quando você abandonar esta relação e abrir-se à vontade de Deus em sua vida.

Filed Under: Português

April 20, 2016 By Jason Evert

O passado de minha namorada me assusta!

Eu sou virgem e estou namorando uma mulher que tinha um passado ruim, mas agora é decidiu viver a pureza. Porém a ideia de seu passado me assombra. Como posso viver melhor isso?

Eu sei como você se sente, porque eu era virgem no dia do meu casamento, mas minha esposa não era. Como a mulher que você mencionou, minha esposa tornou-se uma nova criatura. Mas ainda era um desafio doloroso para mim lidar com o conhecimento de seu passado. Por um lado, havia em meu íntimo um buraco quanto ao pensamento dela ser ter estado de maneira tão íntima com um estranho e que não era eu. Eu também senti ressentimento em relação os outros homens e nunca quis ter rancor. Em seguida, houve a decepção de ter esperado tanto tempo para entregar-me inteiramente a alguém e querendo ela para compartilhar a experiência da noite de núpcias como totalmente único! Soa familiar? Recebo inúmeros e-mails de homens e mulheres como você que estão lutando com o passado do seu parceiro. Aqui há uma estratégia para superar a dificuldade:

Uma das razões para estes pensamentos continuarem vindo à mente é porque provavelmente você está tentando empurrá-los para fora de sua mente sem lidar com eles de fato. Varrendo-os debaixo do tapete os permitirá continuar te incomodando. Como eu vejo, a solução não é reprimir esses pensamentos mas lidar com eles, aceitando-os e superando-os. Sempre que você tiver esses pensamentos preocupantes, siga os seguintes passos:

1. Graças a Deus. Agir contra os sentimentos de amargura e dor, agradecendo a Deus por trazê-la de volta ao caminho da pureza! Isto ajudará a evitar que os ressentimentos infectem seu relacionamento. Lembre-se: Ela não era infiel. Ela só fez péssimas escolhas e provavelmente se arrependeu. Se você for como eu, você concordará que também cometeu alguns erros em seu passado como por exemplo ficar olhando pornografia, ou avançando o sinal com outras garotas. Lembre-se de que o ressentimento é uma escolha, não apenas uma emoção. Você precisa rejeitar e desarraigá-lo ativamente.

2. Oferecê-lo. Em vez de morar no passado dela e esta chorando sobre ele, leve esses pensamentos a Deus quando eles vêm à mente. Tipo assim: quando você começar a pensar nas ações dela do passado e os relacionamentos que ela teve, tome isso como um lembrete para orar para a cura de sua memória e para a conversão dos homens que ela namorou. Por causa dos sofrimentos de Cristo, nossas provações na vida tem valor redentor quando nós as aceitamos com fé e as oferecemos a Ele. Você precisa entender o bem que o Senhor pode fazer com ele. Use seu sofrimento para trazer graça para os outros. Esta etapa é muito importante. Toda vez que uma memória vem à mente, posso rezar por cura e por conversões que precisam acontecer. Em outras palavras, deixe a dor tornar-se em oração.

3. Viver de maneira pura. Lute para levar uma vida pura com ela. Você pode ser o único a se casar com ela um dia, e se for o caso, você certamente não deseja adicionar mais arrependimentos à ela e trazer tudo isso para seu futuro casamento. A fim de viver uma vida pura, você também precisa ter certeza de que você não está vendo pornografia. Isto irá inflamar a ferida em seu relacionamento e intensificar suas inseguranças, porque isso fará com que os pensamentos do passado dela se tornem mais visuais em sua imaginação.

4. Falar com ela. Se o relacionamento está indo em direção do casamento, não tenha medo de falar com ela sobre a luta que você está tendo. É melhor que essas questões vêm à superfície antes do casamento do que dentro do casamento. Se você não se sentir pronto para isso, talvez que você pode falar com um padre ou algum outro conselheiro que você respeita (sem trair a confiança dela). Em outras palavras, é melhor falar com alguém ou quem conhece o seu passado, ou quem não conhece ela em tudo.

No entanto, lembre-se que bons relacionamentos requerem uma comunicação aberta e honesta. Quando você abrir suas preocupações, claro não culpa-la do passado, mas prefira expressar o fato de que você deseja resolver esse problema juntos. Nunca, jamais, segure isso sobre ela ou jogue na cara dela. Em vez disso, compartilhe suas inseguranças, medos ou dor e permita que ela te ame. Isso vai exigir alguma sensibilidade de sua parte e alguma paciência e entendimento da ela. Se seu amor é forte e Clemente, juntos vocês serão capazes de superar esta dificuldade.

Quando você conversar com ela sobre isso, não sejam muito específicos no que diz respeito as coisas que ela fez com os outros caras. Tal informação vai fazer mais mal do que bem. Intimidades anteriores de um parceiro, muitas vezes, causam sentimentos de dor, ressentimento ou inferioridade em você. Falando através de sua luta vai ajudar você a guardar seu coração contra o veneno da falta de perdão. Mas pega leve com ela e não arraste para sempre esta situação. Isso fará com que ela se chateia com você. Uma vez ouvi que um jovem foi conversar com São Padre Pio em lágrimas porque a namorada dele terminou com ele. O Santo bateu-lhe no rosto e disse, “Seja um homem.” Tão cruel que pareça, é exatamente o que o cara precisava ouvir.

É compreensível que você se senta ferido pelo passado dela. Isto é natural. Não é um sinal de que você ainda não a perdoou. É apenas um sinal de que você tem um coração humano. Perdoar alguém não é esquecer. É sobre não está segurando algo contra essa pessoa. É uma decisão. Com o tempo, vão curar as feridas, mas não está dentro do seu poder não se sentir mal. Espero que ela seja ser paciente com você enquanto você trabalha com isso. Como uma nota de encorajamento, fiquei melhor e no nosso caso, o casamento tem sido de muito cura para nós. Por exemplo, mesmo que a mulher tenha experimentado a atividade sexual no passado, intimidade conjugal no casamento será exclusiva para ela, porque ela nunca experimentou o dom da intimidade pura como Deus pretendia — como um sacramento. Ous seja o que vivemos hoje! Um amor na total pureza de Deus.

Se você achar que a questão não está melhorando, e o ressentimento entre você e ela só cresce, encontre um conselheiro, o padre ou o pai falar sobre isso. Alguém de caminhada cristã. Casamento é uma das decisões mais importantes que você fará, e você precisa de se rodear de conselheiros sábios. Você está com a mulher no presente não viva nas nuvens do passado para sempre! Sopre-as!

5. Refletir o amor de Deus para ela: um cara na sua situação, uma vez me mandou um email, dizendo como ele se sentia um pouco mal por causa do passado da sua noiva. Eu posso entender por que ele se sentia assim. No entanto, é preciso lembrar que não salvamos nós mesmos por uma questão de reter, mas nos doarmos. A essência do amor autêntico é a doação e não busca de algo em troca. Se você se tornar o marido dela, você não receberá o dom da sua virgindade. Mas você receberá algo maior: o dom de si mesma. Seria triste perder o dom de uma pessoa em busca do dom da virgindade. Na verdade, eu sei de um tal casal que estava se aproximando de noivado, mas acabou quebrando o relacionamento porque o cara não poderia aceitar o passado da garota. Foi uma tragédia, porque ele não podia ver que, ao não aceitar o seu passado, ele estava perdendo o belo futuro.

Basta olhar para a maneira incondicional que Deus nos ama, e em troca somos tão mesquinhos. Na verdade, a Bíblia fala muitas vezes sobre Israel como tendo casos com a meretriz, e tendo esquecido seu primeiro amor, que era Deus. Ainda Deus perdoou suas iniqüidades e amava Israel apesar do passado. Eu não estou comparando sua namorada a uma prostituta (ou Deus), mas estou simplesmente dizendo que terá que amá-la de uma maneira piedosa se você optar por ela e aceitar seu passado . Ela vai precisar te amar incondicionalmente, bem como, você espera um casamento duradouro. Todos nós temos nossas próprias imperfeições. Deus não guarda rancor por ela, e nem você deveria guardar.

Lembre-se que a aceitação incondicional de sua futura noiva te faz mais homem nos olhos dela que qualquer outra coisa que você possa fazer. Ela pode se perguntar, “sou digna de amor? Não sou mercadoria estragada? Eu sou amada?” Você joga um papel importante na sua cura, através do fato de morrer para si mesmo por amor a ela. Acredite ou não, essa ferida que você sente é realmente dada a você por Deus para curar a sua própria alma. Um convite a se conformar à Cristo, purificar seu amor e assim reforçar seu casamento se você continuar a responder à graça de Deus para carregar esta cruz.

Madre Teresa disse-nos que para o amor ser verdadeiro, deve doer. Isso deve esvaziar-se de si. Então, convido você a olhar para o crucifixo, que é o derradeiro sinal de amor. Só através dele o cristão alcança a alegria da ressurreição. Da mesma forma, Papa João Paulo II nos diz que quando se trata de relacionamentos:

“Nós amamos a pessoa completa com todas as suas virtudes e defeitos e até certo ponto, independentemente dessas virtudes e apesar desses defeitos. A força de um amor emerge mais claramente quando a pessoa amada tropeça, quando suas fraquezas ou até mesmo pecados entram em campo aberto. Quem ama verdadeiramente não retira o seu amor, mas ama mais, ama em plena consciência das lacunas e falhas do outro e sem em algum momento aprova-las. “[1]

Para mim, a paz veio com a aceitação. É então que percebemos que o perdão não é um sentimento, mas uma decisão. Claro, a dor não vai embora durante a noite. Para mim, os pensamentos e as dores vieram e foram. Mas cada vez que surgem, eu paro e rezo por sua cura e para a conversão dos caras que ela esteve. Isto liberta! Gera vida.

Em resumo, a principal coisa que você precisa fazer é ter um coração grato para com ela, ser paciente consigo mesmo e com ela, quando essas emoções se levantarem dentro de você. Usá-las como um lembrete para orar para sua cura, manter seu relacionamento puro e mostra-lhe o amor de Deus. Fazendo essas coisas em seu tempo, Deus vão curar as feridas nela e em você. Ao longo do tempo, você sentirá uma maior paz a medida que aprofunda o amor!

____________________

j-evertJason Evert founded chastity.com has spoken on six continents to more than one million people about the virtue of chastity. He is the author of more than ten books, including Livro Como Encontrar sua Alma Gemea sem Perder sua Alma.

[1]. Karol Wojtyla (Papa João Paulo II), amor e responsabilidade (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1993), 135.

Filed Under: Português

June 18, 2015 By Jason Evert

What has the Church said about “Gender Theory”?

Although Pope Francis’ comments on climate change have dominated the headlines in recent days, many are unaware that his new encyclical, Laudato Si’, also addressed another controversial topic: Gender Theory.

Here’s what he wrote:

“Human ecology also implies another profound reality: the relationship between human life and the moral law, which is inscribed in our nature and is necessary for the creation of a more dignified environment. Pope Benedict XVI spoke of an “ecology of man,” based on the fact that “man too has a nature that he must respect and that he cannot manipulate at will.” It is enough to recognize that our body itself establishes us in a direct relationship with the environment and with other living beings. The acceptance of our bodies as God’s gift is vital for welcoming and accepting the entire world as a gift from the Father and our common home, whereas thinking that we enjoy absolute power over our own bodies turns, often subtly, into thinking that we enjoy absolute power over creation. Learning to accept our body, to care for it and to respect its fullest meaning, is an essential element of any genuine human ecology. Also, valuing one’s own body in its femininity or masculinity is necessary if I am going to be able to recognize myself in an encounter with someone who is different. In this way we can joyfully accept the specific gifts of another man or woman, the work of God the Creator, and find mutual enrichment. It is not a healthy attitude which would seek “to cancel out sexual difference because it no longer knows how to confront it.”

This isn’t the first time that the Pope has addressed the issue of “Gender Theory.”

During an in-flight press conference from The Philippines to Rome on 19 January 2015, the following question was posed to Pope Francis:

“You have spoken of “ideological colonization.” Would you expand on the concept?”

He answered:

“Ideological colonization. I’ll give just one example that I saw myself. Twenty years ago, in 1995, a minister of education asked for a large loan to build schools for the poor. They gave it to her on the condition that in the schools there would be a book for the children of a certain grade level. It was a school book, a well-thought-out book, didactically speaking, in which gender theory was taught. This woman needed the money but that was the condition. Clever woman, she said yes and made another book as well and gave both of them. And that’s how it happened. This is ideological colonization. They introduce an idea to the people that has nothing to do with the people. With groups of people yes, but not with the people. And they colonize the people with an idea which changes, or means to change, a mentality or a structure. During the Synod, the African bishops complained about this. It was the same story, certain loans in exchange for certain conditions — I only speak of this case that I have seen. Why do I say “ideological colonization”? Because they take, they actually take the need of a people to seize an opportunity to enter and grow strong — through the children. But this is nothing new. The same was done by the dictatorships of the last century. They entered with their own doctrine. Think of the Balilla, think of the Hitler Youth…. They colonized the people, they wanted to do it. So much suffering — peoples must not lose their freedom. Each people has its own culture, its own history. Every people has its own culture. But when conditions are imposed by colonizing empires, they seek to make these peoples lose their own identity and create uniformity.”

Pope Francis again challenged the idea of “so-called gender theory,” during a pair of Wednesday Audiences and while speaking to young people in Naples. He wondered, “I ask myself, if the so-called gender theory is not, at the same time, an expression of frustration and resignation, which seeks to cancel out sexual difference because it no longer knows how to confront it. Yes, we risk taking a step backwards. The removal of difference in fact creates a problem, not a solution.” He proclaimed “Gender theory is an error of the human mind that leads to so much confusion.” In order to remedy the matter, he called for a “rediscovery” of the “alliance between man and woman.” This is essential, because “Not only man as such, not only woman as such, but rather man and woman, as a couple, are the image of God.”

More recently, in his apostolic exhortation, Amoris Laetitia, he added:

“…The young need to be helped to accept their own body as it was created, for ‘thinking that we enjoy absolute power over our own bodies turns, often subtly, into thinking that we enjoy absolute power over creation….An appreciation of our body as male or female is also necessary for our own self-awareness in an encounter with others different from ourselves. In this way we can joyfully accept the specific gifts of another man or woman, the work of God the Creator, and find mutual enrichment.” (285)

“Sex-education should help young people to accept their own bodies and to avoid the pretension to cancel out sexual difference because one no longer knows how to deal with it.” (285)

“It is true that we cannot separate the masculine and the feminine from God’s work of creation…But it is also true that masculinity and femininity are not rigid categories…A rigid approach turns into an over accentuation of the masculine or feminine, and does not help children and young people to appreciate the genuine reciprocity incarnate in the real conditions of matrimony. Such rigidity, in turn, can hinder the development of an individual’s abilities, to the point of leading him or her to think, for example, that it is not really masculine to cultivate art or dance, or not very feminine to exercise leadership.” (286)

In saying these things, Pope Francis is not preaching hate or intolerance, but is reminding the world that when we devalue or deny that God made us male and female, we are not endowing one another with dignity, but are erasing the complementarity that images the very love of God.

Click HERE for a compilation of statements that the Church has made addressing “Gender Theory,” and HERE for more from Pope Francis on this topic.

More recently, the Holy See’s Congregation for Catholic education released the document “Made and Female He Created Them” to address the question of gender theory in education.
____________________________

j-evertJason Evert founded chastity.com has spoken on six continents to more than one million people about the virtue of chastity. He is the author of more than ten books, including How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul and Theology of the Body for Teens.

Filed Under: Church Teaching, Gender, LGBTQ

March 9, 2015 By Jason Evert

What do “soulmates” and Santa Claus have in common?

When my parents broke the news to me that Santa Claus didn’t exist, I stormed out of the room, blurting, “I don’t even want to know about the Easter Bunny!” Although the news was devastating at the time, I found solace in the fact I had obtained a more realistic grasp of how gifts arrived under our tree. Letting go of a childish notion of St. Nick also paved the way for me to obtain a mature understanding of St. Nicholas, the saintly bishop of the fourth century.

What does all of this have to do with finding “the one?” Well, many people have a notion of soulmates that’s in need of serious demythologizing. In exchange, they can discover a mature Christian concept of their future (or current) spouse.

In his ancient text, The Symposium, Plato presents the myth that men and women originally had four arms, four legs, and two faces. Unfortunately, Zeus split them in half as a punishment for their pride (which conveniently doubled his number of worshippers). Meanwhile, these incomplete individuals wandered the earth until they found their other halves. Upon discovering the other, the two would know they were made for one another, and would finally become whole.

Plato explains:

“After the division the two parts of man, each desiring his other half, came together, and throwing their arms about one another, entwined in mutual embraces, longing to grow into one, they were on the point of dying from hunger and self-neglect, because they did not like to do anything apart.”

Sounds more like Hollywood than Plato.

Looking for your better half?

We should not expect another person to complete us. Let God do that. Some guys think, “Since a wife is supposed to be your better half, I guess I’m only 50 percent complete until I find her. When I find her, she will fill my emptiness and take care of all of my emotional needs.” If this guy finds a girl, it will not be a budding relationship; it will be a hostage situation.

Nevertheless, Hollywood has made a fortune perpetuating the eternal myth that there is a perfect person out there for each of us. But here’s the problem: You’re going to have to wait a lifetime before you can marry a perfect person. (For those familiar with the book of Revelation, I’m referring to the wedding feast of the Lamb.) Until then, anyone you marry is going to have his or her share of imperfections.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but in this life, you’re not going to find someone with whom you are perfectly compatible. After all, the word “compatible” comes from the Latin com-pati, which means to “suffer with.” Successful marriages are not the result of finding a perfect person, but rather loving the imperfect person who you have chosen to marry. St. Francis de Sales even described marriage as “a perpetual exercise of mortification.”

Only God can complete us. When we make an idol out of a relationship, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment because all idols are meant to be broken.

Do soulmates exist?

If there’s no perfect person made only for you, should we conclude from this that there’s no heavenly plan for your love life? In a blog in which he makes many excellent points, Matt Walsh wrote, “My wife and I weren’t destined for each other. It wasn’t fate that brought us together. We are bound not by karma, but by our choice.” He goes on to say that God doesn’t destine us to end up with anyone specific. Rather, there are countless people whom we could marry and be equally content. They become our soulmates when we marry them. We don’t marry them because they are our soulmates.

While there is some merit to these ideas, the difficulty with this concept is that it doesn’t leave much room for divine providence. For those theologians out there, it sounds more deist than theist.

In the book of Tobit, the archangel Raphael declares to Tobias, regarding his future wife, “Do not be afraid, for she was destined for you from eternity. . . When Tobias heard these things, he fell in love with her and yearned deeply for her” (Tob. 6:17).

This isn’t Hollywood; it’s the Sacred Scriptures. We know Adam was made for Eve, Sarah was destined for Tobias, Joseph was created for Mary, and so on. But how, when, and why does God choose to play the role of a heavenly match-maker?

Obviously, only God knows the answer to this. But we know that divine providence intervenes in our lives to the extent that we make room for it. Those who walk with God often marvel at how he seems to intervene in the most providential ways in the tiniest details of life. Believers routinely speak of “divine appointments,” and other occasions where we can see God’s hand at work.

For example, Blessed Mother Teresa once said that a man came to her, seeking a specific medicine for his dying child. However, the drug could not be obtained in India. As she was speaking to the man, someone walked into the convent with a basket of half-used medicines. Right on top of the basket was the rare drug. She remarked:

“I just couldn’t believe because if it was inside, I would not have seen it. If he had come before or after, I would not have connected. I just stood in front of that basket and kept looking at the bottle and in my mind I was saying, ‘Millions and millions and millions of children in the world how could God be concerned with that little child in the slums of Calcutta. To send that medicine, to send that man just at that time, to put that medicine right on the top and to send the full amount that the doctor had prescribed.’ See how precious that little one was to God Himself. How concerned He was for that little one.”

If God is infinitely concerned with providing medicine to His children, you can rest assured He is also interested in providing for our vocations. I believe God the Father has a perfect plan for each of our lives, just as He had for His own Son. However, as Isaiah 55:9 tells us, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Sometimes this “perfect” plan involves substantial suffering, but this does not make it any less perfect. Its perfection comes from the fact that it comes from the heart of a Father who loves us.

What this means is that God doesn’t promise that you’ll find the person who makes you the happiest, but if you remain open to His will, you’ll discover the person who will make you the holiest—and this will bring you more joy in the end than any plan you could have concocted without Him. Your soul will be sanctified through this mate . . . and in my opinion, that’s God’s idea of blessing you with a soulmate.

____________________________

j-evertJason Evert founded chastity.com has spoken on six continents to more than one million people about the virtue of chastity. He is the author of more than ten books, including How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul and Theology of the Body for Teens.

Image via Flickr, CC 2.0.

Filed Under: Dating

March 9, 2015 By Jason Evert

The Top 10 Rationalizations Women Make in Dead-End Relationships

Have you ever had a friend that was so obsessively focused on the good elements of her unhealthy relationship that she was unable to notice all of the red flags? No matter how much you tried to warn her, she always had a rationalization for why she stayed. Or, have you been that girl?

Women have an innate ability to see the good in others. I believe this is part of their feminine genius. They can perceive the sufferings of others with extraordinary intuitiveness and empathy, and can see the potential in people that others might not see in themselves. However, one’s greatest strength is often one’s greatest weakness.

How do you know if you’re making excuses and dating a guy who only exists in your imagination? Here’s my top-ten list of the rationalizations women make when they’re in dead-end relationships:

1. “He’s really sweet.”

Being sweet is not difficult. Most house pets can do the same. The real question is: Why is he sweet? Is he sweet because you deserve it, or is he sweet because of what he wants to get in return?

2. “We’ve been together so long.”

The length of a relationship does not determine its value. To cling to a bad relationship would be like saying, “I know I’m driving in the wrong direction, but we’ve already gone ten miles. Let’s just keep going until we circle the globe.” Turn around. Just because a relationship is hard to leave, this does not mean that you should stay. After all, the longer you drag on a bad relationship, the longer it will take to heal.

3. “I already gave myself to him.”

Having slept with someone is not evidence that you should stay in the relationship. It’s just a reason why you find it difficult to leave. When you sleep with someone, you create a bond that is not easily broken. Part of this is due to a neuro-chemical called oxytocin, which is released in your brain during sex. It causes a massive emotional bond, impairs your critical thinking abilities, helps you to forget bad memories of the guy, and causes you to trust him more. All of this is great in marriage, but it’s a recipe for disaster outside of marriage. That’s because you lose your ability to clearly see the value of a relationship. It binds you and blinds you. You downplay the negative, until it’s too late to ignore.

4. “We’re not always doing it. There’s more to our relationship than sex.”

My wife once wrote, “One clue that you’re doing something wrong is when you start spending a lot of time trying to convince yourself that what you’re doing is right.” If a woman is sleeping with a man she’s not married to, she may justify it by comparing herself favorably to those who are having meaningless hookups. Since she’s not always in bed with her boyfriend, and they have other common interests, she assumes that the relationship is a balanced one. The idea that they’re “not always doing it” distracts her from the fact that they should not be doing it at all.

5. “My family really likes him.”

To test how much your parents like your boyfriend, imagine the look on their faces if you disclosed the full truth about your relationship. If the image of your dad running to find his shotgun comes to mind, odds are you’re parents like only who they think he is.

6. “But we really love each other.”

In the words of Saint John Paul II, “Love is not merely a feeling. It is an act of the will that prefers, in a constant manner, the good of others to the good of one’s self.” Simply put, if you love one another, you do what is best for each other. Lead each other to heaven.

7. “He doesn’t pressure me to have sex.”

He may not be pressuring you to have sex, but he’s probably not pressuring you to be pure, either. More than likely, he’ll take everything you’ll give him. I remember one high school guy asking me, “Do you ever tell the girls that we sometimes tell them we’re okay not having sex so that they’ll give it to us?” Players know that women are more likely to sleep with them if the woman perceives that she’s freely choosing it. She feels honored that he’s not pressuring her, and this lowers her inhibitions. But even if the girl is the one who urges him, or the decision is mutual, this does not make the sexual activity moral, or the relationship healthy.

8. “We both agree with it.”

If mutual consent made any sexual act moral, then even prostitution could be acceptable. What couples often refuse to see is that sexual activity involves more than the two of them. Their children could be created, their parents could be devastated, and their future spouses could be affected. But most importantly, they are ignoring God, who is the author of love. This is why St. Augustine defined lust as “that affection of the mind that aims at the enjoyment of one’s self and one’s neighbor without reference to God.”

9.  “He’d be devastated if we broke up.”

If your relationship is unhealthy, then you’ll end up devastated if you stay. A man who cannot stand on his own two feet without you is not the man who you want to marry. Such a dependent man will not make a good husband and father. Therefore, his dependency is not a reason to remain, but evidence that you should leave.

10. “He’ll change.”

My wife and I once met a woman who dated a man who had some personal problems, but she always hoped he would change. Now, after a decade of marriage, they’re divorced because things only grew worse with time. All too often, women romanticize about the future so that they won’t have to focus on today. If you want to think about the future, ask yourself, “Am I content with this kind of man raising my children?” Give your kids the best, and don’t ever date a guy hoping he’ll change. It’s unfair to him and to you. Besides, it’s not your job to be his messiah.

I’m not sure how many of these points you recognized, but I hope that you’ll be brave enough to consider if they’re at work in your relationship. If you recognized some of these warning signs in your life, don’t be afraid that you’ll never find a better guy. God knows well the plans he has in mind for you, but sometimes we need to let go of what we think we want in order to receive what we really deserve.

____________________________

j-evertJason Evert founded chastity.com has spoken on six continents to more than one million people about the virtue of chastity. He is the author of more than ten books, including How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul and Theology of the Body for Teens.

Filed Under: Dating

January 12, 2015 By Jason Evert

Por que o sexo antes do casamento é ruim?

POR QUE O SEXO ANTES DO CASAMENTO É RUIM? MINHA AMIGA ACABOU DE COMEÇAR O ENSINO MÉDIO E ELA ESTÁ TENTANDO ME DIZER QUE É BOM E ELA VAI FAZER.

Talvez seja bom você saber que sua amiga não está em busca de sexo. Talvez sua amiga tenha alguma mágoa ou solidão em sua vida, e ela acha que se ela fizer sexo, ela vai se sentir amada e segura, e que assim ela vai ser feliz. Ou talvez ela seja apenas curiosa e muito imatura para perceber as consequências do sexo. De qualquer maneira, se você olhar no coração dela, você vai ver que ela não está ansiando por uma série de relações físicas com caras aleatórios. Ela está à procura de amor duradouro e de intimidade, de ser aceita por um homem e cuidada por ele.

Sua amiga merece essas coisas, mas ela precisa ser cuidadosa e corajosa, para que ela não caia na tentação. Há uma abundância de rapazes por aí que vão dizer a ela o quão belos os olhos dela são, e quanto a amam, e que vão estar “sempre” dispostos a ajudar quando ela precisar. Eles vão dar o seu “amor” por uma questão de conseguir sexo, e ela pode querer dar-lhes o sexo por causa do desejo de se sentir amada. O coração dela foi feito para algo melhor do que isso, e por isso ela precisa perceber que vale a pena esperar. Ela não pode encontrar a felicidade de outra froma. Como a Bíblia diz: “Mas aquela que só busca prazer, mesmo se vive, já está morta.” (1 Timóteo 5,6).

A seguir estão alguns dos efeitos negativos de sexo antes do casamento, mas não se debruçe sobre eles por mais tempo do que o necessário para dar a ela um choque de realidade. O que ela precisa mais do que as más notícias sobre sexo antes do casamento é a boa notícia sobre o quanto ela tem valor e quais são os planos que Deus tem reservado para ela. Ela precisa ser incentivada a esperar não porque o sexo é ruim, mas porque o amor verdadeiro é tão bom.

As consequências negativas do sexo antes do casamento podem ser descritas a partir dos pontos de vista: dos relacionamentos, físico, emocional e espiritual.

RELACIONAMENTOS:
Considere como o sexo pré-marital pode afetar os relacionamentos. Uma colegial escreveu: “Eu tenho dezesseis anos e já perdi minha virgindade. Eu realmente lamento que minha primeira vez foi com um cara que eu não me importava muito. Desde aquela primeira noite ele espera que haja sexo em cada encontro. Quando eu não estou com vontade, nós acabamos em uma discussão. Eu não acho que esse cara é apaixonado por mim, e eu sei que no fundo eu não sou apaixonada por ele também. Isto me faz sentir desvalorizada. Percebo agora que este é um passo muito grande na vida de uma menina. Depois de ter feito isso, as coisas nunca são as mesmas. Isso muda tudo “.[1]

Outra jovem disse: “Eu dormi com muitas pessoas tentando encontrar o amor, para encontrar a auto-estima. E com quanto mais pessoas eu dormia, menor auto-estima eu tinha. “[2] Algumas pessoas podem argumentar: “Bem, e se eu realmente me preocupar com ele ou ela? Eu acho que o sexo vai nos aproximar.” Na verdade, o sexo cria um vínculo. No entanto, em 80 por cento das vezes, a intimidade física da primeira relação sexual de um adolescente não vai durar mais do que seis meses. [3] Casais que querem o que é melhor para o seu relacionamento ou casamento futuro terão a paciência de esperar.

Na maioria das vezes, quando uma menina cede sua virgindade, ela assume que o relacionamento vai durar para sempre. No entanto, um estudo [A] mostra que, quanto mais cedo a pessoa tem uma atividade sexual, maior será o número de parceiros sexuais que ela provavelmente terá durante a vida.  Se ela for como a maioria dos calouros, ela tem, provavelmente, 14 anos. Este estudo de mais de 10.000 mulheres mostra que, quando uma menina perde a virgindade com essa idade, ela provavelmente vai ter cerca de treze outros parceiros sexuais ao longo da vida.

Além de no relacionamento, o sexo antes do casamento freqüentemente provoca tensão no seio das famílias por causa da desonestidade que normalmente acompanha as intimidades ocultas. Relacionamentos com os amigos são muitas vezes tensos, e quando as coisas azedam, as fofocas e problemas sociais muitas vezes se tornam insuportáveis. Todo mundo fala sobre como é difícil dizer não ao sexo, mas ninguém lhe diz o quão difícil é quando você diz sim.

FÍSICO:
Em relação ao lado fisiológico das coisas, é perigoso para uma jovem mulher solteira ser sexualmente ativa. Porque o sistema reprodutivo de uma adolescente ainda é imaturo, ela é muito suscetível a doenças sexualmente transmissíveis (DSTs).[4] De fato, a atividade sexual precoce é o fator de risco número um para o câncer de colo do útero, e o segundo são os múltiplos parceiros sexuais.[5] O corpo de uma menina, como o seu coração, não é projetado para lidar com múltiplos parceiros sexuais.

Embora a sua amiga possa planejar dormir com apenas um cara, ela pode estar expondo-se a doenças sexualmente transmissíveis de centenas de pessoas através de um único ato sexual. Veja como: cientistas estudaram a atividade sexual de uma escola pública de cerca de mil estudantes.[6] Cerca de metade (573) dos alunos tinha sido sexualmente ativo,e a maioria deles tinha tido apenas um parceiro. No entanto, quando os cientistas seguiram a teia da atividade sexual entre os alunos, descobriu-se que mais da metade dos adolescentes sexualmente ativos, sem sabê-lo, estavam ligados em uma rede de 288 parceiros dentro daescola!  [B] Assim, se sua amiga dormiu com um cara a partir desta escola, teoricamente ela poderia estar na cama com um quarto de todo o corpo de estudantes.

EMOCIONAL:
Os efeitos colaterais emocionais do sexo antes do casamento também são prejudiciais para uma jovem mulher. Uma das conseqüências mais comuns da atividade sexual na adolescência é a depressão. As meninas que são sexualmente ativas são mais do que três vezes mais prováveis de ficarem com depressão do que as meninas que estão abstinentes.[7] Na verdade, a condição se tornou tão previsível que o American Journal of Preventive Medicine recomenda aos médicos: “As meninas que estão se engajando em relações sexuais devem ser rastreadas para ver se ficam deprimidas, e devem munidas de orientação preventiva sobre os riscos de saúde mental por causa desses comportamentos”.[8] Mesmo que uma menina tenha experiências com sexo uma vez, a pesquisa mostra um aumento do risco de depressão.[9] Além disso, deve-se considerar o fato de que a taxa de tentativas de suicídio para as meninas sexualmente ativas (com idades entre doze a dezesseis) é seis vezes maior do que a taxa entre as virgens.[10] Tragicamente, essas meninas não percebem a pureza, esperança e perdão que elas podem encontrar em Cristo.

Infelizmente, muitas mulheres jovens buscam um sentido somente nas relações com homens, em vez de com Deus. Não é incomum para uma menina ter relações sexuais, a fim de fazer um cara gostar mais dela, ou encorajá-lo a ficar com ela. Ela pode comprometer seus padrões, porque ela tem medo de não ser amada. Depois que ele a deixa, porém, ocorre um divórcio emocional.O coração de uma pessoa não é feito para estar tão perto de uma outra pessoa e depois se separarem.

Uma vez que as relações sexuais na adolescência raramente duram, o senso de auto-estimada da menina freqüentemente fica prejudicado. Ela pode concluir que, se ela fosse melhor, ele teria ficado mais tempo. Essa mentalidade pode levar a práticas nocivas, tais como transtornos alimentares. Ou a decepção que sente pode levá-la a um estado de ódio de si mesma. Algumas mulheres jovens ainda começam a machucar seus próprios corpos numa tentativa de anestesiar a dor emocional. Tais práticas não irão resolver os problemas, no entanto. Se ela deseja ser amada, ela precisa começar por amar a si mesma.

Em seu coração, uma menina sabe quando está sendo usada. No entanto, ela pode saltar imediatamente para outro relacionamento sexual para fugir da dor. Se ela tenta aumentar a sua auto-estima, dando aos caras o que eles querem, então ela acabará com sua própria auto-estima, dependendo do tipo de relacionamento. Seu desenvolvimento como uma mulher é atrofiado porque sem castidade ela não sabe como expressar afeto, apreciação, ou atração por um cara sem implicar algo sexual. Ela pode até concluir que um cara não a ama, quando esse não cara não faz avanços sexuais em direção a ela. Ela sabe que existe sexo sem intimidade, mas ela pode esquecer que a intimidade pode existir sem sexo. Uma menina nessa faixa geralmente se sente aceita inicialmente, mas essa aceitação dura apenas enquanto durar o prazer físico.

Esse estilo de vida também vai pesar sobre sua capacidade de se relacionar. Aqui está o porquê: Compartilhar a dádiva do sexo é como colocar um pedaço de fita no braço de outra pessoa. A primeira ligação é forte, e dói para removê-lo. Mude a fita para o braço de outra pessoa, e o vínculo ainda vai continuar, mas vai ser mais fácil de remover. Cada vez que isso é feito, parte de cada pessoa permanecerá com a fita. Em breve, a fita ficará fácil de remover, porque resíduos de vários braços interferem com a capacidade da fita de colar.

O mesmo é verdade nos relacionamentos, porque os neurologistas descobriram que as experiências sexuais anteriores podem interferir com a sua capacidade de se relacionar com os futuros parceiros. [11] Isso não significa que se uma pessoa não é virgem na noite de núpcias, ele ou ela não será capaz de se relacionar com um cônjuge. Significa simplesmente que quando seguimos o plano de Deus, temos a vida mais abundante possível. Mas quando nos afastamos de seus projetos e quebramos seus mandamentos, muitas vezes nós somos os únicos que se sentem quebrados depois.

ESPIRITUAL:
O pecado nos separa de Deus, e essa é a conseqüência mais grave de sexo pré-marital. Depois de ir além do permitido, muitos de nós sabemos muito bem a nuvem de culpa que pesa sobre nossos corações. A solução não é matar a nossa consciência, mas segui-la para alcançar a liberdade. Ele está nos chamando, e não nos condenando. Desde que haja arrependimeto, Deus estará lá para nos receber em Sua casa e nos deixar começar de novo (cf. João 8 e Lucas 15).

O que tudo isso significa é que nossos corpos, nossos corações, nossos relacionamentos, e nossas almas não foram feitos para o sexo antes do casamento. Nós fomos feitos para um amor que dura a vida toda.

____________________________

j-evertJason Evert founded chastity.com has spoken on six continents to more than one million people about the virtue of chastity. He is the author of more than ten books, including How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul and Theology of the Body for Teens.

___________________________

[1]. Thomas Lickona, “Sex, Love, and Character: It’s Our Decision” (address given to assembly of students at Seton Catholic High School, Binghamton, N.Y., January 8, 1999), 10.
[2]. All About Cohabiting Before Marriage, “Myths About Cohabitation,” http://www.leaderu.com/critical/cohabitation-myths.html.
[3]. Suzanne Ryan, et al., “The First Time: Characteristics of Teens’ First Sexual Relationships,” Research Brief (Washington, D.C.: Child Trends, August 2003), 5.
[4]. A. B. Moscicki, et al., “Differences in Biologic Maturation, Sexual Behavior, and Sexually Transmitted Disease Between Adolescents with and without Cervical Intraepithelial Neoplasia,” Journal of Pediatrics 115:3 (September 1989), 487–493; M. L. Shew, et al., “Interval Between Menarche and First Sexual Intercourse, Related to Risk of Human Papillomavirus Infection,” Journal of Pediatrics 125:4 (October 1994), 661–666.
[5]. R.A. Hatcher, et al., Contraceptive Technology (1994), 515. [6]. Peter Bearman, et al., “Chains of Affection,” American Journal of Sociology 110:1 (July 2004), 44–91.
[7]. Robert E. Rector, et al., “Sexually Active Teenagers are More Likely to be Depressed and to Attempt Suicide,” The Heritage Foundation (June 3, 2003) .
[8]. Hallfors, et al., “Which Comes First in Adolescence—Sex and Drugs or Depression?” American Journal of Preventive Medicine 29:3 (October 2005), 169.
[9]. Hallfors, et al., 168; Hallfors, et al., “Adolescent Depression and Suicide Risk: Association with Sex and Drug Behavior,” American Journal of Preventive Medicine 27:3 (October 2004), 224–231; Martha W. Waller, et al., “Gender Differences in Associations Between Depressive Symptoms and Patterns of Substance Use and Risky Sexual Behavior among a Nationally Representative Sample of U.S. Adolescents,” Archives of Women’s Mental Health 9:3 (May 2006), 139–150.
[10]. As reported by D. P. Orr, M. Beiter, G. Ingersoll, “Premature Sexual Activity as an Indicator of Psychological Risk,” Pediatrics 87 (February 1991), 141–147.
[11]. Joe McIlhaney and Freda McKissic Bush, Hooked (Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 2008).

[A] – https://chastity.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Bookofcharts.pdf (gráfico da página 4)

[B] – https://chastity.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/MAP.jpg

 

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