Chastity

Promoting the Virtue of Chastity

Catherine Spada

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The Challenge of Chastity in Marriage

One of the most challenging and equally liberating teachings of the Catholic Church is chastity. It is undoubtedly a virtue that is radically counter cultural and one that demands great self-mastery and sacrifice. It demands a right ordered love of God and consequently an authentic love for others.

My experience of chastity prior to and in married life has been less than glamorous. I will not claim to speak for all married couples who practice Natural Family Planning, but I will attempt to concisely share my own experience.

Chastity in my marriage has been an ongoing experience of examining the heart and mind. It has required the continual weighing of the most hidden intentions. This I find most especially true when communicating about postponing or achieving pregnancy, while at the same time attempting to reconcile understandings of true intimacy and the needs of another.

Though it is not always pleasant or easy, chastity in marriage has taught me to be accountable to the gift of sexuality by striving to live out what this gift means through marital love. Natural Family Planning (NFP) truly encourages the flourishing of chastity within marriage.

St. Augustine was definitely on to something when he said “Perfect abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.” As a newly-wed (married in 2014), I can humbly admit that I was unprepared in many ways for what chastity in marriage would be like and what Natural Family Planning in practice was all about. However, regardless of any difficulty my husband and I were both committed to seeing it through and remaining true to the teachings of the Church in this area. It has required us to stay united in moments of struggle and always communicate about any challenges that we may be having, either with the periods of abstinence, or learning to better understand each other’s expectations.

Chastity enables us to face that which is unpleasant and uncomfortable because it leads us toward an authentic experience of intimacy that does not seek to hide behind societal constructions of sexual fulfillment or the distortion of a disposable contraceptive mentality. It aids us toward achieving what is most beautiful.

Chastity in marriage has also highlighted the crucial importance of owning one’s own commitment to chastity prior to saying “I do”. This personal foundation of chastity strengthens the marriage bond. In my opinion, it is not enough to simply love a person and choose chastity; it must be rooted in a love of God, because it is only through God’s grace and providence that we can truly succeed in living out the call to be chaste in freedom. It is only when we are lovingly accountable to God and his plan for our sexuality that we can begin to love and value the other as a gift.

My husband and I both struggled with chastity prior to meeting one another and throughout the onset of our relationship; our conversion experiences strengthened us immensely and gave us a greater understanding about one another and about the freedom of chastity. It allowed us to cling to God separately so that we could fasten ourselves as husband and wife.

Natural Family Planning has helped us shed our selfish expectations and strive to grow in love within our marriage daily. Though it may not always be easy we remain open to God’s will and so far we have been graciously provided for.

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blogproCatherine Spada is a Public Middle School educator and is currently loving her new role as a full-time mom. She enjoys giving presentations on chastity and sharing the beauty of the faith through her blog entitled Sacred Sharings for The Soul. Catherine resides outside of Toronto with her husband and beautiful baby girl.

 

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Healing the Thorns of the Past

“God shows no partiality (Acts 10:34). He does not take account of nobility of birth, length of time in his service, or the number of our good works. What counts with God is a devout soul’s increased fervor and more ardent love. He does not consider how you once behaved, but what you have now begun to be.” – St. Bonaventure

One of my favourite Scripture passages is from a letter St. Paul wrote to the Corinthians in which he mentions the “thorn in his flesh.” This thorn was permitted by God in order to prevent St. Paul from becoming too proud or elated in the many consolations that had been sent to him.

The presence of this thorn serves as a reminder to St. Paul of his humanity and weakness. It leaves Him nothing to boast of except our Lord. In fact, this is where the beautiful gift and grace of his suffering blossoms. As a broken instrument, St. Paul shines forth the majesty and works of our Lord through the simplicity of his surrender and the silent shout of his struggles to God.

Like all of us, St Paul battled with imperfection and the toil of temptation. The experience of temptation may vary from one person to the next, but there is struggle. We can at times live in the shadow of our past experiences and wounds. Some of our sins can still linger in the corners of our hearts and minds even after many Confessions and moments of repentance. There are wounds that may resurface and still burn.

God’s mercy and love is unconditional. As St. Bonaventure reminds us God “does not consider how you once behaved, but what you have now begun to be.” We can often become so self-absorbed with the difficulties we face and the “thorns in our side” that we overlook the profound grace God has sent us. We can long for the quickest fix to our problems and pain, especially when faced with many messages in our surroundings preaching instant gratification. From fast food to instant communication, we can fall into the temptation of longing to have even our deepest hurts healed with the press of a button. Unfortunately, and thankfully, thorns remain.

If we remain rooted in Christ and honestly seek to follow Him with “increased fervor and more ardent love” we can be assured that our “Divine Physician” will bring about the healing we need in order to carry out the mission He has called us to at the pace that we can handle for His good. Should we be pricked by a thorn or two from time to time, let us recognize in these moments the way that this is for our good and the good of others. We are not polished and perfected because we strive to live in accordance to God’s plan. We are broken and wounded and in that we share good company with some of the best! I question the motive of those who claim to “have it all together” as they strive to witness to God’s goodness. The truth is we are all as together as we can possibly be because of the goodness of God. The only thing we should claim to hold together are our hands in perpetual prayer.

I live with the thorn of my past in my side. Not in a scrupulous way, but it reminds me time and time again of God’s goodness and mercy in my life. It reminds me of the ongoing journey of conversion. I used to fear encountering those who knew me before I began practising my faith. I was worried about their judgement and truthfully a bit self absorbed in how “they” would see me, or remember me. Over time I began to recognize the amazing way God’s transforming grace spoke through in these encounters and eventually brought great joy. Hearing “there’s something so different about you” reminded me of the Someone greater than all of us that knocked me off my horse! The memories, not so glorious have been healed by our Lord, but every now and then there is the grace of a thorn prick to remind me Who God is and who I am not. A prick that corrects my judgement and allows me to recognize that being perfect is not important to serve God. The prick of the thorn reminds me to see others through the lens of my own brokenness and not with partiality.

God “does not consider how you once behaved , but what you have now begun to be.”  May we strive to remember how we once behaved, so that we may forever live rejoicing to God by the witness of our lives and what we have begun to be by His mercy. (CC)

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blogproCatherine Spada is a Public Middle School educator and is currently loving her new role as a full-time mom. She enjoys giving presentations on chastity and sharing the beauty of the faith through her blog entitled Sacred Sharings for The Soul. Catherine resides outside of Toronto with her husband and beautiful baby girl.

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Getting Married . . . in 3 Days!

Chastity was once a virtue I dismissed as something that applied to “those religious types” who were brought up in the Church. I conjured up every reason imaginable to excuse myself from its demands. I told myself that purity was abnormal, and I settled for living a life that deadened me within. I saw the way that our Lord was calling, but I ran away.

Now, many years later (and three days away from my wedding!) I recognize that I’m marrying my best friend because God opened my eyes to the value of purity.

This awakening happened in 2008 when I met Nadia and Mike, as they were preparing for their wedding. Nadia was everything I thought the “typical Church girl” to be. At the time, I was immersed in the world and was battling to accept myself and my struggles with purity. I was afraid of being judged, and so I never opened up to anyone. However, Nadia embraced me with a hug, and her welcome was telling of the love that exists in the Church. I remember their joy, their laughter, and their love. Every judgement I made was proven false, and I could not deny the reality of God’s love or the joy of purity. Experiencing their wedding was like witnessing a sign of Divine love. I realized the secret to their love and joy—and the reason for all their laughter—was their united surrender to our Lord.

I left the Church in tears. For the first time I was aware of the fruits of life in Christ and the wounds within caused by my sin. It was after their wedding that my journey with God really began.

It was not easy and it did not happen overnight. It took work and sacrifice to embrace chastity. There were tears and many more falls to come. But in 2010, everything changed for good. I committed myself to purity. I discovered the Theology of the Body and the beauty of confession. Everything dead inside gradually came alive again. I discovered that God’s love did not vanish despite my shortcomings and sins.

Now, as I approach the altar with a joy-filled heart, united to my fiancé, I feel a responsibility to share the message of chastity. My hope and prayer is that my wedding day might be a sign to others of God’s love in the world.

Love is not expressed by the one who desires only to hold you, but by the one who strives to uphold your purity.

Pure love reveals our true worth and beauty in God. It’s worth every sacrifice. Love is not expressed by the one who desires only to hold you, but by the one who strives to uphold your purity. Chastity allows us to experience joy that surpasses a physical touch. It is the outpouring of God’s love, enabling us to recognize human love in the way that our Lord intends for each of His children.

May all of you struggling with purity allow God to win your hearts as he won mine.

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headshot23Catherine Ciarallo is a full-time Public Middle School educator and teaches Catechism at St.Marguerite d’Youville Parish in the Archdiocese of Toronto. She enjoys giving presentations on chastity and sharing the beauty of the faith through her blog entitled Sacred Sharings for The Soul.

 

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