Chastity

Promoting the Virtue of Chastity

AnneMarie Miller

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If sex is natural, why do we make it artificial?

Our culture can get pretty obsessive with organic and all-natural foods. Cereal boxes proudly display the presence of “whole grains,” and packages of fruit snacks will state if “real fruit juice” is used. Even if I don’t often get into the “healthy” stuff, I always feel a little bit better about myself when I eat foods that have the “all-natural” label slapped on them.

Yet there’s a strange paradox in our culture: How many people spend gobs of money on organic or natural food at the store, but, in the bedroom, use condoms or take birth control pills? While they are helping their bodies with healthy foods, these people are harming their bodies with birth control! From weight gain to shortness of breath, and from depression to blood clots, hormonal birth control pills can create many adverse side effects for the women who take them.

I’d be willing to bet that many people don’t realize the harmful side effects of birth control pills, or even know any other way to handle their sexuality. These people have been handed the message of condoms and birth control since their young teenage and adult days, to the point where it’s a typical part of sex.

Just like our obsession with natural foods, we need to get fired up for all-natural sex. No condoms, no contraception. What I propose is something called Natural Family Planning, or NFP. These three little letters can be largely misunderstood, and sometimes evoke fear or confusion from people: “NFP? That means no sex when a woman is fertile. ‘No sex’ is no fun, so no thank you!” Or perhaps, “NFP…that’s just a married couple thing. I don’t need to know, and I don’t care.”

What many people don’t realize is that NFP is much more than a form of periodic abstinence. Furthermore, even single people can learn about NFP, to prepare for their own marriages later in life. Natural Family Planning is used by couples who, for some serious reasons, want or need to avoid getting pregnant. But it’s also a way for couples to communicate together about the woman’s fertility, so that they may give themselves to each other in the most complete way possible.

Why is NFP a Big Deal?

It’s all-natural. There are several methods of NFP, and all of them are natural. Each method involves monitoring a woman’s fertility signs, and charting these signs to detect her fertile and infertile times of each cycle. The type of NFP my husband and I practice, the Sympto-Thermal Method, has three fertility signs that we monitor each day. No hormonal contraceptives or artificial barriers, just observing the natural way that my body was made.

It’s effective. If a couple diligently charts the woman’s fertility signs and follows the particular rules accordingly, Natural Family Planning methods effectively show the woman’s fertile and infertile times to the couple, so they can try to avoid or achieve pregnancy quite well. When done properly, Natural Family Planning can even be more effective than contraceptives.

It’s selfless, not selfish. When couples use any type of contraceptive, they are sending a message with their bodies: “I give you my body—but not my fertility.” Contraceptive sex encourages people to use each other for pleasure. When couples engage in all-natural sex, with no contraceptives, their actions and bodies communicate as well: “I give you my whole self, including my fertility.” Here, spouses make complete gifts of themselves.

It strengthens communication. Ideally, the couple records the woman’s signs together, so they are both aware of the woman’s fertility. For example, I have to take my temperature every morning. But I don’t have to wake up and do this while my husband is peacefully asleep; he wakes up, gives me the thermometer, and later records my temperature. We’re in it together, and we communicate openly and freely about anything, including sexuality.

It deepens intimacy. Communicating together about the woman’s fertility deepens marital intimacy. NFP practicing couples, through their continual communication and working together, grow in sharing their bodies, hearts, and love. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, one of the major drawbacks of NFP is “Your partner must agree and cooperate.” However, instead of being a downfall to marriage, cooperation and intimacy between spouses will only help their love to grow. As NFP enriches a couple’s intimacy and cooperation, it also can be used to help women solve infertility problems, because women are in-tune with how their bodies naturally work. Many times, doctors prescribe birth control to “solve” various health problems—though they typically don’t solve the problems—when, if the woman understood how her body worked, natural methods could often be effectively used.

Admittedly, NFP can be hard sometimes. But, couples can take courage and celebrate this all-natural approach towards sexuality.

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Assisi (18)Anne Marie Miller studies Theology and English at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has a passion for the Catholic Faith, chastity, and St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of married college life. When she’s not doing homework, housework, cooking, or playing chess, AnneMarie reflects on her random observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love. (http://marianninja.blogspot.com)

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Contraception won’t empower you, but this will

I sat on a paper-covered table in the examination room of the medical office. I listened halfheartedly—instead, focusing on my newborn son who lay nearby—as the nurse chatted while she filled out paperwork. All of a sudden, the nurse asked a question which broke through my happy mood.

“What kind of birth control are you planning to use?”

Such a simple question, which I’m sure countless women are asked by their medical providers. After all, according to what I’ve heard from various organizations, using birth control to prevent the conception of a child means that women are confidently empowering themselves to live how they desire.

However, when the nurse asked this question, I did not experience the feelings of elated empowerment, confidence, or strength that I have heard about. As I was asked how I wanted to artificially regulate my fertility, I was struck by the sad assumption that lay behind the nurse’s words: That I am unable to control my actions or urges, and so I need to turn off the gift of my fertility.

I’ve heard laments from other women about the negative side effects of contraception, like nausea and fatigue. When I first heard these complaints, it did not appear to me that contraception was empowering these women; instead, it was becoming a burden on them. Later on, when I read about a recent Danish study that linked depression to birth control, I failed to see the confidence-building, uplifting effects that are often attributed to contraceptives. Instead, I continued to notice that many women are being downtrodden and controlled by artificial birth control methods.

Should the idea of “female empowerment” presume that women need to manipulate their fertility in this way? I do not believe so. Using birth control and succumbing to its negative effects is not empowering. Being treated like an unruly animal who cannot control itself is not empowering. Using contraceptives because some medical professionals and one’s peers all support it is not empowering.

Alternatively, there is a fantastic way in which women can positively empower themselves regarding their bodies: knowledge. Instead of putting contraceptives into or on their bodies, women can learn about how their fertility naturally works.

When I began reading about the female fertility cycle, I was awestruck. I saw why I would experience certain sensations throughout each month, as hormones caused subtle changes in my body. I learned how, a handful of days after an egg is released, a woman will experience a time of infertility before her body launches into the next cycle. As I learned more and began observing my fertility signs, I grew empowered. I knew what my body was doing, and I knew why changes were happening. I became more confident, because I could prepare and work with my natural fertility cycle, instead of working against it.

Contraception shields our eyes from the incredible gift and beauty of the female body and its fertility. By living in ignorance of how the fertility cycle naturally works—and by using contraceptives to tamper with it instead—women are not empowering themselves. There are many websites, apps, and books which can help women learn and chart their natural fertility cycles. If women grow in knowledge of how their bodies naturally work and cooperate with that process, they will be far more confident, healthy, and strong than if they bought into the culture’s message of birth control.

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Assisi (18)AnneMarie Miller enjoys the epic adventures of young married life and motherhood with her incredible husband and son. A writer, blogger, and casual geek, she enjoys discovering small moments of beauty and joy in each day. When she’s not chasing after her baby, reading, or tackling never-ending housework, AnneMarie shares her quirky musings on her blog, Sacrifice of Love (http://marianninja.blogspot.com).

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Fasting for Love

We had only been dating for a month when the semester ended and the bleak reality struck: my boyfriend and I were going to part ways for the long months of summer. During our conversations as the break stretched before us, we discussed fasting for each other and our relationship. Each week, on a specific day, we would each offer up a special sacrifice for the other person and our relationship. As the weeks went by, I began to see just how powerful this was. Not only did our fasting strengthen our prayers for each other, but we were also growing in self-mastery and discipline. I began to realize just how important this practice is when striving for purity.

  1. Fasting can be beneficial for anybody—even if a person isn’t trying to overcome a big obstacle.

Many people recommend fasting from something pleasurable (snacking, dessert, condiments, etc.) if one is overcoming a sexual sin or addiction. This is very important, as the discipline of fasting helps one grow in self-mastery while overcoming certain struggles. However, if one doesn’t struggle with a particular addiction, then fasting may not seem as crucial. Throughout my teenage years, I read articles that recommended fasting if one was overcoming pornography. But, since I did not deal with that addiction, fasting for purity did not seem as vital to me, so it was not something I did often. Occasionally, I would fast from something “for my future husband,” but it was never a consistent habit of mine. In the handful of years since my boyfriend and I first began fasting and offering sacrifices for each other, I have continued to see the fruits of this in our marriage as we daily put aside our own desires for the sake of each other.

  1. Fasting shows me that I am more than a collection of spontaneous urges.

When I fast from something pleasurable, I realize that I do not have to be ruled by my desires. Isn’t it somewhat obvious that the human person is more than a collection of desires? Well, in the eyes of the media and our culture, this is what the human person is often reduced to. In fact, I recently read an article in which a person claimed that cheating on one’s spouse has nothing to do with a lack of love, but rather it is about a fulfillment of sexual urges—which, in his eyes, is acceptable. Our culture consistently promotes a similar message. Movies often glowingly portray people who act on every urge or whim that they have. Instant gratification, particularly involving physical intimacy and sex, is a topic mentioned in countless songs that resound across the radio. Yet, even when the culture tells me that I am a slave to my urges and desires, fasting reminds me that I have the ability to control how I act. Fasting will not necessarily prevent inappropriate urges from affecting us, but practicing self-denial through fasting will help us deal with these desires in chaste, loving ways.

  1. Fasting helps me grow in sacrificial love.

I struggle with selfishness, and there are times when I only want to do things for myself. Fasting helps me put aside selfishness and think about what is best for another person. When I want to dive into the mound of chocolate on the kitchen table, but restrain myself because I’m fasting for my husband and purity, I am putting aside my own desires in love of another person. Sacrificing what I want, I am turning my gaze outwards to grow in selflessness.

As we fast, we can all grow in self-mastery and sacrificial love. Some people choose to fast from snacking; others choose to fast from dessert, coffee creamers, or condiments. You can fast daily, or fast periodically—the possibilities are endless. Maybe you struggle with a certain obstacle, or maybe you experience small daily challenges. Regardless of what you face, I encourage you to consider the timeless practice of fasting. Together, we can grow in self-discipline and sacrificial love, enriching the culture that surrounds us.

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Assisi (18)AnneMarie Miller received degrees in English and Theology at Franciscan University of Steubenville in May 2015. She passionately loves the Catholic Faith, chastity, St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of young married life in the Midwest. When she’s not writing, reading, playing board games, or working, AnneMarie reflects on life’s beauty and various quirky observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love (http://marianninja.blogspot.com).

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Ayunando por amor

Habíamos estado saliendo por apenas un mes, cuando acabó el semestre y me golpeó la cruda realidad: mi novio y yo íbamos a tener que estar separados durante todo el verano.

Durante una de nuestras conversaciones, hablamos sobre la idea de ayunar por nuestra relación. Cada semana, un día en específico podríamos ofrecer un sacrificio especial el uno por el otro, y  a medida que iban pasando las semanas, empecé a darme cuenta de lo poderosa que estaba siendo esta práctica. El ayuno no sólo estaba fortaleciendo nuestras oraciones, sino que también nos estaba enseñando a auto controlarnos. Me di cuenta entonces, de lo importante que es ayunar cuando se trata de luchar en favor de  la pureza.

1.     El ayuno puede ser beneficioso para cualquier persona – incluso si esta persona no está tratando de superar un obstáculo en particular.

Muchas personas recomiendan ayunar absteniéndose de consumir algo placentero (comida chatarra, postres, etc.) si se está superando algún pecado sexual o una adicción. Esto es de suma importancia, ya que la disciplina que infunde el ayuno nos ayuda a crecer en el autodominio mientras estamos superando ciertas batallas. Sin embargo, si uno no está luchando contra una adicción en particular, entonces el ayuno podría parecer algo no tan crucial. A lo largo de mis años de adolescencia leí algunos artículos donde te recomendaban ayunar si estabas luchando contra la pornografía. Pero en mi caso, desde que dejé de lidiar con esa adicción, ayunar dejo de parecerme algo vital  y por lo tanto dejó ser una práctica habitual para mí. De vez en cuando podía ayunar por “mi futuro esposo” pero nunca tuve el hábito de hacerlo con constancia. En los pocos años desde que mi novio y yo empezamos a ofrecer sacrificios el uno por el otro, he seguido viendo los frutos que ha dejado esto en nuestro matrimonio, ya que todos los días dejamos a un lado nuestros propios deseos por el bien del otro.

2.     Ayunar me hace ver que soy más que un montón de impulsos espontáneos.

Cuando ayuno privándome de algo  que me causa placer, me doy cuenta de que no tengo por qué estar gobernada por mis deseos. ¿No es un tanto obvio que una persona humana es mucho más que una colección de deseos? Bueno, a la vista de los medios de comunicación y de nuestra cultura, esto es a menudo a lo que se reduce a la persona humana. De hecho, hace poco leí un artículo en el cual una persona afirmaba que engañar a su propia esposa no tenía nada que ver con una falta de amor. Sino que más bien se trataba de llenar una urgencia sexual- que, a sus ojos era aceptable.

Nuestra cultura promueve constantemente un mensaje similar. Las películas a menudo presentan  a personas que actúan según sus impulsos o caprichos. La gratificación instantánea, particularmente la que involucra una intimida física  y sexual, es un tema mencionado en innumerables canciones que resuenan a través de la radio. Sin embargo, aun cuando la cultura me dice que soy esclavo de mis impulsos y deseos, el ayuno me recuerda que tengo la capacidad de  auto controlarme. El ayuno no necesariamente va a prevenir que nos afecten impulsos inapropiados, pero la práctica de la auto-negación a través del ayuno nos ayudará a hacer frente a estos deseos.

3.     Ayunar me ayuda a crecer en un amor que es capaz de sacrificarse.

Yo lucho contra mi egoísmo, y hay veces en las que solo quiero hacer cosas para mí misma. Es entonces donde el ayuno  me ayuda a poner a un lado este sentimiento y a pensar en qué es lo mejor para otra persona. Cuando me entran ganas de atiborrarme de todos los chocolates que están en la mesa la cocina, pero me contengo porque estoy ayunando por mi esposo y en favor de la pureza,  estoy poniendo de lado mis propios deseos por amor a otra persona. Sacrificando lo que quiero, dirijo mi mirada hacia algo que está más allá para crecer en generosidad.

Al ayunar, crecemos en autodominio y  en un amor que es capaz de sacrificarse. Algunas personas deciden ayunar absteniéndose de consumir cierto tipo de alimentos (algún postre, o una taza de café). Tú puedes ayunar diariamente o periódicamente – las posibilidades  son infinitas. Tal vez estés luchando contra un obstáculo en particular o tal vez no, pero independientemente de a lo que te enfrentes, te animo a que consideres la atemporal práctica del ayuno. Juntos podemos crecer en autodisciplina y amor, enriqueciendo la cultura que nos rodea.

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Assisi (18)AnneMarie Miller received degrees in English and Theology at Franciscan University of Steubenville in May 2015. She passionately loves the Catholic Faith, chastity, St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of young married life in the Midwest. When she’s not writing, reading, playing board games, or working, AnneMarie reflects on life’s beauty and various quirky observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love (http://marianninja.blogspot.com).

 

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Sexual Violence: It Could Happen To Me

“Believe me. Listen. You will hear me. I am worthy.” I do not listen to Lady Gaga lyrics often, but lately, her voice has been echoing in my mind. Over and over, I have watched her music video, which powerfully depicts the devastation of campus rape. Over and over, I hear the agonizing cry, “Til it happens to you, you don’t know how I feel.”

It can be very easy to ignore or forget about the sexual violence and assault that happens on a daily basis in our country. We can be so focused on our own lives, problems, hopes, and ideals that we can become deaf to the agony around us. We can argue about statistics or whose fault it is, and in the process, forget that fellow human beings are being deeply harmed. We can say “Oh, it will never happen to me,” but it can. A few years ago, I had a friend who was alone one night, walking to visit another friend on her college campus. She felt very safe, but her phone battery had died. Nothing bad happened, thankfully. A few days later, we heard that another woman had been walking in that same area at night, and had been attacked. As my friend and I continued to talk, our realization lingered in the air: It could have been me.

Sexual violence and assault can happen anywhere, to men or women, in communities, on large or small college campuses, even in homes. Whether it is rape occurring at college, abuse in your home, or sex trafficking in your hometown, thousands of men, women, boys, and girls are being harmed. We live in a society that is permeated with selfishness, use, lust, and instant gratification; we live in a society where sexually violent movies like Fifty Shades of Grey bring in millions of dollars. We also live in a society where many organizations try to bring awareness to the issue of sexual violence. We can—and should—promote the safety guidelines from these groups, like “never leave your drink unattended,” “make a plan,” or “seek outside help.” However, we cannot let ourselves stop at simply listing off guidelines. We need to go further.

If we are serious about building a culture of purity and chastity, we need to listen to the cries of those who have been raped, exploited, and abused. Let their stories and lives move you into compassionate action, so that we can create a more edifying, pure, safe culture. Make your community, church, or campus aware of the reality of sexual violence. Promote chastity in your own life, upholding boundaries and communication in your relationships. Hold others to the standard of self-giving love. Surround yourself with like-minded friends who will help you strive for chastity and battle the culture of selfishness and exploitation. Together, let us bring healing, compassion, love and sacrifice into our world.

“Believe me. Listen. You will hear me. I am worthy.” There is no question; this plea for help is directed towards all of us. The question is, how will we respond?

[For help on how to heal from sexual abuse, click here and visit the website Women Made New.]

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Assisi (18)AnneMarie Miller received degrees in English and Theology at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has a passion for the Catholic Faith, chastity, St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of young married life in the Midwest. When she’s not doing housework, writing, reading, working, or playing chess, AnneMarie reflects on life’s beauty and various random observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love (http://marianninja.blogspot.com).

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Chastity vs. Duplicity

 

I hate it when I fall into duplicity. When I say one thing and do another, I’m not acting like I want to be a trusted person, someone who is passionate about her beliefs.

Several years ago, I would not pay much attention to what I put on social media. The internet was a fun, exciting tool that I could use to connect with friends and share jokes. But after a while, I noticed that some of my online activity did not reflect my desire to grow in chastity and pure love. An inside joke, or something inappropriate that had seemed funny at the time, would flash in front of my hundreds of “Friends” on social media. Eventually, I began to realize that how I depicted myself to these hundreds of people needed to coincide with my desires for chastity. So, I started cleaning up my online profile, and became more alert to what I put on the internet. I wanted my statuses, quotations, and photographs to all support my beliefs. If I wanted to grow in chastity—and wanted to be respected for it—I needed all aspects of my life to match up with this goal.

I started to become a woman of greater integrity. Integrity, which comes from the Latin word, integra, means wholeness. In order to grow in chastity, I needed to be whole. I had to direct my entire being towards the goal of sexual integrity, so that all of my actions would help me further continue towards greater purity. I am very much a work-in-progress; I am still trying to become a woman of integrity years after I began this mission. Letting go of habits, practices, and behaviors that don’t align with chastity can be very difficult and super lame at times. For example, a number of months ago, I picked up a new book series, and was really enjoying it. But as the books went on, the gratuitous, crude sexual references became more and more frequent, and I flung the book down on my couch in aggravation. Was I tempted to keep reading? You bet! But I realized that filling my mind with impure images and scenes was not a good way to grow in purity.

It’s much easier to try and leave the virtue of chastity in our hearts, as a nice idea that we hold onto. We can try to keep chastity influencing our lives. But this lifestyle will not fulfill us. We’ll believe in one thing, and do another. Our actions will contradict our words. We will fall into duplicity. If we choose this path, we won’t grow in chastity as much as we’d like to. Our impure actions will hinder the growth that we desire. Choosing integrity is hard.

If you want to be chaste, I encourage you to pursue this goal with your entire life. Strive to be a man or woman of integrity. Let your actions, words, clothing, and entire lives reflect your desire for purity. Yes, this decision may be hard at times. It may involve refusing to watch a movie that does not reflect purity. It may involve graciously stepping away from conversations—or changing the topic—when the content does not lead people towards pure love. It may involve ending impure friendships or relationships. It may involve turning off a song, or closing a book. With all of the difficulty that your choices may involve, I want to reassure you that living a pure life is worth it all. When your life decisions connect with your desire for chastity, you will no longer hold yourself back, but you will truly be free to grow.

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Assisi-18-868x1024AnneMarie Miller received degrees in English and Theology at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has a passion for the Catholic Faith, chastity, St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of young married life in the Midwest. When she’s not doing housework, writing, reading, cooking, or playing chess, AnneMarie reflects on life’s beauty and various random observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love.

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Keeping Prom Pure

I sat in front of the woman, my heart dropping with her words. She recounted to me the distrust and immorality that she experienced in her group of “friends.” As this woman told me about the wild party her group threw on prom night just a few months earlier, I could hear the regret in her voice. I wished that someone had helped this woman make different choices—because I could see that she was hurt. Prom may only take place on one night, but the effects of it will make an impact.

Thinking back to my own prom night four years ago, I remember how full of joy I was. I had a lot of fun with my friends, and walked into my house afterwards with dignity, happiness, and no regrets. In the process of prom, I gained some insights, which I would like to share with all of you today:

  • Make plans with a group whom you trust. Regardless of whether or not you have a date, attending prom festivities with others creates a fun atmosphere. Plus, being surrounded by friends you trust creates accountability regarding purity and chastity.
  • Expect to have fun, but don’t create unhealthy expectations for yourself or others. Culture and advertising treat prom like a “fairy tale romance,” but this mentality can stress people out and place huge pressures on physical and emotional boundaries. Prom night doesn’t have to be a romantic experience, so relax and have fun!
  • Know that what you wear matters. On the night of prom, a few of the men in my group told me how much they liked my dress. They said this in front of their dates, who were wearing dresses that showed a lot of skin and cleavage. Conversely, I had gotten my dress altered to avoid showing cleavage and as much skin. The men’s words showed me that my efforts to dress beautifully and purely made an impact.
  • Dance, don’t grind. If you’re trying to encourage chastity in your life and the lives of others, grinding in the dark with your classmates will not help you. A week or two before prom, get together with some friends and take a ballroom dance class, or find online videos to teach you the basics of waltz, swing, country two-stepping, or another fun dance!
  • Don’t let the music ruin your evening. I can’t count how many people have told me they get disgusted with the music at prom, because it’s not what they want to dance to, or it “forces” them to grind. Don’t let this top you from having fun! When I attended prom, one of the first songs was rap, but a friend and I had a blast two-stepping across the dance floor.
  • Keep your clothes on. Many people continue to hang out at the school’s “After Prom” or at someone’s house all night long. Sometimes, these parties can get crazy, and the peer pressure to disrobe partially or compromise yourself rises. Don’t succumb, keep your clothes on, and encourage other to do the same.
  • If a situation gets dangerous, get out. If a situation at any point in the evening gets bad, remove yourself. Make sure that your cell phone is charged and close at hand in case you need to call a parent or friend for a ride home. There is no shame in asking others to help you get out of a bad situation.
  • Set boundaries. Stay in “public” areas with other people, and stay out of bedrooms. If people get tired during the night, go home to sleep instead of having a coed sleepover. Speak up respectfully if any member in your group is making you uncomfortable. Boundaries are meant to help enable you and your friends to grow in true love and chastity, so set boundaries with a positive attitude!
  • Initiate fun activities. Many times, a group will start acting impurely when, late at night, there’s nothing planned. Ahead of time, or early into the post-prom hangout, pick out some fun games or group activities to all play together.
  • Above all, show other people how to have a blast at prom while actively striving for purity!

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Assisi-18-868x1024AnneMarie Miller studies Theology and English at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has a passion for the Catholic Faith, chastity, St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of married college life. When she’s not doing homework, housework, cooking, or playing chess, AnneMarie reflects on life’s beauty and random observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love (http://marianninja.blogspot.com).

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Compromising Yourself Will Not Help Another

Forks and plates clattered against tables, and conversations filled the cafeteria. In the middle of this bustling scene, my attention was turned to a young woman. She had mentioned that she was in a bad relationship, which I could see was bringing her deep emotional harm. Horrified, I encouraged her to get help and leave the relationship.

“But Jesus hung out with sinners,” she insisted, adding that she needed to “be Jesus” to this guy and help him get better. And, I hate to say, I failed to appropriately respond to this argument and help her leave the relationship. Jesus did walk among sinners. And yes, we need to be Christ to others—so how could this woman’s relationship be a bad thing? After all, she loved her boyfriend. And shouldn’t she help him turn around his life?

I felt incredibly sad for this woman. Bad relationships and abuse are full of many layers of pressures and injuries that make leaving difficult. But several years after this incident, her words still stick with me. This woman claimed that she could be a hero, a savior, for this man. That’s noble. But, to this woman—and to all men and women who’ve thought this at any point—I say: Compromising yourself will not help another.

Yes, we need to bring joy, life, and light into the darkness that others experience. Countless people want to bring others into a better, more chaste, loving life. But, sometimes, with the best of intentions, we can lose sight of our own safety. Sometimes, our desire to reach out means frequenting wild parties where one person alone is trying to cast a shining light of hope while surrounded—physically and mentally—by a harmful environment. Other times, it involves dating a man or woman who doesn’t respect you. It also can include encouraging others in this mentality, through our support of certain books or movies.

It’s good to help others find true love and joy. But if we put ourselves into situations where we can be seriously hurt physically, mentally, or emotionally, then we aren’t helping others or ourselves. We providing opportunities for others to persist in certain behavior, and in the process, we are being severely harmed. Instead of rushing into every situation headlong, we need to recognize our weaknesses. Having the humility to be honest with ourselves is tough, and involves asking difficult questions. If I go to that party, will my chastity be compromised? If she doesn’t respect me in this relationship, will that escalate into abuse?

Years ago, a friend of mine was trying to heal from living a harmful lifestyle. He needed a friend, and someone to hold him accountable—but in order to truly be a loving friend and help him, I had to recognize that I couldn’t fix his problems. He had to take the initiative and seek help. I learned that prayer, setting up emotional & physical boundaries and distance, accountability from people outside the situation, and actively helping another find outside aid are all important. Above all, I learned what St. John Paul II once said: “Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice.” In any kind of relationship with other people, we must keep the other person’s ultimate good in the forefront of our minds. If there is a relationship where either of the people is not respected and treated as a person to be loved selflessly, then we need to be willing to sacrifice in order to bring help and safety to ourselves and others. Every person needs love. True, sacrificial, love. We need to reach out to others and show them this love—but we need to do this in safe, selfless, compassionate ways.
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Assisi-18-868x1024AnneMarie Miller studies Theology and English at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has a passion for the Catholic Faith, chastity, St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of married college life. When she’s not doing homework, housework, cooking, or playing chess, AnneMarie reflects on life’s beauty and random observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love (http://marianninja.blogspot.com).

Image via Flickr, CC 2.0

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The Naked Truth

While trying to avoid homework, I was scrolling through a news website and ended up watching an interview with an actress who was being asked about displaying nudity in movies and shows, and her words were quite striking: “It’s kind of cool right now to show stuff. Because a lot of big time celebrities are doing it. I’m not afraid of showing my body, but it’s really something you have to think about.”

I was struck by the familiarity of these words. I have heard women speak before about how we shouldn’t be afraid of our bodies, and that instead of fearfully hiding them, we should flaunt them publicly in either revealing clothes or some amount of nakedness. Our bodies are beautiful, and not something to be feared—but does this mean we should exhibit our nakedness for all to see? Does this mean we should get comfortable with being naked on screen or in public?

The fact that we are men and women, made for self-giving, sacrificial love, is apparent through our bodies. Unfortunately, we are imperfect people, and we can fall prey to lust. By using others or ourselves as objects, we fall short of the self-giving love that we desire and deserve. But this doesn’t mean that we should fear our bodies. The solution to being ashamed of our bodies isn’t to become shameless. Instead, we should foster a healthy understanding of shame. We need to understand that, as Pope St. John Paul II discusses in his Theology of the Body audiences, shame is twofold: it is both the desire to not be objectified and the desire for affirmation of one’s subjectivity(being a personal subject, higher than the animals, having self-determination and self-awareness).

I’m guessing many people don’t want to be objectified, and that’s good—but we can’t stop there. In our behavior, words, and hearts, we should want to be recognized as the amazing, self-giving men and women that we were created to be!

When a person is naked, he or she is offering a chance for another person to respond in self-gift. As Pope St. John Paul II states, “The human body—the naked human body in all the truth of its masculinity and femininity—has the meaning of a gift of the person to the person.” Nakedness is a source of interpersonal unity. When a woman is naked before a man, she—through her body—is inviting the man to join with her in communion. This takes complete and total trust, so that the naked woman isn’t afraid of being objectified, and so that she knows that her dignity will be affirmed. Such trust, communion, and love are only found in marriage, where the total gift of the body corresponds with a total gift of the person.

Nakedness is special, and a big deal—but the world is losing sight of that. As the actress stated in her recent interview, “It is your comfort level that matters” when showing nudity. But if we, as a culture and society, perpetuate this idea that we need to get comfortable with public nakedness, the gift of a person’s nakedness will be robbed of its deep value. When so many celebrities display nakedness in movies and on television, and when our peers post partially nude pictures on Facebook, it can be really easy to lose sight of the specialness of nakedness. After all, to the culture, nakedness isn’t a big deal. We need to make it a big deal. Let’s keep it in marriage, where we can fully join in self-gift and communion with another. Let’s bring back the specialness of nakedness.

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Assisi-18-868x1024AnneMarie Miller studies Theology and English at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has a passion for the Catholic Faith, chastity, St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of married college life. When she’s not doing homework, housework, cooking, or playing chess, AnneMarie reflects on life’s beauty and random observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love (http://marianninja.blogspot.com).

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Just like the animals?

While driving home from Thanksgiving grocery shopping, I decided to skim through radio stations, to find some music to fit my cheerful mood. A catchy song started playing, and I heard the following words: “Hunt you down eat you alive/Just like animals/animals.” I switched the station—only to hear the same song playing on that station. Switching off the radio, my mind started to spin. Can women only hope for this—being preyed on by some animal? Is the music world trying to tell me that this is what a relationship should be?

I’m sure very few—if any—women out there would choose being “prey” over being “loved.” Yet this is happening over and over in our world. The culture is trying to turn us into animals. Let’s just look at the basics. Generally speaking, if an animal is in heat, what happens? It has sex. No further reasoning, the animal does what it is predisposed to do. According to society, if two people desire sexual fulfillment—they don’t even necessarily need to love each other—what happens? They use contraception and have sex. The whole culture of “swinging,” one-night stands, and overly physical dating relationships can all point back to this “animal” mentality. Instinctive and self-centered, these kinds of encounters will never lead to true fulfillment—because as human persons, we are made for more.

I want to be fulfilled. I want to be set apart from the animals at the zoo. I want to be loved for who I am, and not be seen as some object to be devoured by an “animal.” I want to experience the “more” that I am made for. After all, as a human person, I don’t have to be like the animals. I can reason and will to do (or not do) things in a way that animals cannot (no matter how smart they are). I can choose to give myself sacrificially to my husband. I can choose to not be ruled by my instincts or emotions. I can choose to be chaste.

Chastity isn’t a mold that will destroy who you are. Rather, chastity will help you become who you were made to be. It will help you see that you are a unique individual, worthy of another’s self-gift. Chastity sets you apart from the animals; by having mastery over yourself, and saving yourself for your spouse in marriage, you reach a higher level of love than any animal could experience. Yes, chastity requires sacrifice, and this isn’t easy. When you have strong passions and desires for union with another person, it can be difficult to abstain from sex or impure behaviors. But chastity doesn’t hinder your passions and ability to love; rather, it frees your love. As Karol Wojyta wrote in Love and Responsibility, “Chastity can only be thought of in association with the virtue of love. Its function is to free love from the utilitarian attitude.”

Chastity helps you to become more of a person; plus, it enables you to see other people for their true value and worth as persons, and not as objects for sexual “fulfillment” or enjoyment. St. John Paul II states that sexual union “carries within itself a particular awareness of the meaning of the body in the reciprocal self-gift of the persons.” In his he continued to state that “Man can become a gift—that is, man and woman can exist in the relationship of the reciprocal gift of self—if each of them masters himself.

Even if everyone around you seems to fit the “animal” image, that doesn’t mean you should degrade yourself and stoop to that level. Regain who you are made to be, and rise up above the animalism that society pushes on you. Discover what it means to give of yourself in true, sacrificial love. Recognize your intrinsic value that demands love—and not lust—from another person. Maroon 5 may tell us we’re “just like animals,” but we know we’re better than that. Let’s start practicing chastity to regain true relationships of love and a better sense of our humanity.

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Assisi (18)AnneMarie Miller studies Theology and English at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has a passion for the Catholic Faith, chastity, St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of married college life. When she’s not doing homework, housework, cooking, or playing chess, AnneMarie reflects on life’s beauty and random observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love (http://marianninja.blogspot.com).

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Marriage: Game over?

The young man came up to the cash register, handing over the money for his meal. I can’t remember what he looked like or how much his meal cost. But what I do remember—several years after the incident—is his t-shirt. A black shirt, with a simple outline of a bride and groom on the front, and the words “Game Over.” As the weeks went by after this incident, pondered what this shirt was saying. Why would marriage be a “game over”?

When I was engaged, I remember creating an account on a wedding website, so I could see “how it’s all supposed to be done” in the days leading up to the wedding. One of the major areas that the site featured articles on was bachelorette parties. Whether it’s an attempt to relax amid wedding planning or a chance to hang out with friends from other states, bachelorette parties are fairly common pre-wedding activities. Although there are exceptions, many bachelorette parties are extremely sexual, from the invitations and party favors to the activities, and objectify men and women alike. While it’s good to have a fun “girls night out” before a wedding, our culture’s take on bachelorette parties—overly-sexualized, extremely alcoholic, and wild—acts as if this gathering is the woman’s last chance to be herself and have a good time. In other words, a common bachelorette mentality treats marriage as a “game over.”

There’s also a phrase that I’ve heard directed at many unmarried people: “this is your time to be crazy and do what you want; live your life before you settle down and get married!” In fact, several months back, an article hit the internet which stated all of the things one can do instead of getting engaged in his or her early twenties. There is a mentality that singleness is a time to “explore” different sexual behaviors and relationships. It is a time to be wild—because all the fun ends with marriage. Getting married means no more random hook-ups, no more extreme independence, and no more self-centered lifestyles.

Honestly, these things won’t fulfill anyone in the long run. But marriage, a lifelong union of self-sacrifice between a man and woman, will bring a person to deep fulfillment, love, and true joy. I’ve only been married a year, but this year has been the greatest adventure of my life. Every day provides new ways in which I can learn to love my husband and sacrifice for him better. Each moment is a chance for us to grow closer to God together. Not only that, but marriage is fun, full of new discoveries and interests. And while I had fun adventures in my single days, going through life while united with my best friend is incredible. Yes, there are struggles, and I have a lot of growing to do, especially since I can’t think only of myself, like I did when I was single. But we aren’t here on Earth to think only of ourselves, either. Marriage is all about self-gift, and everyone can start practicing that, no matter what his or her age or state in life is.

No matter what a person has done in his or her life, there is always a chance to start over. If you’ve bought into the lies of our culture which say “Marriage is a game over,” you can start again. Commit yourself to loving others selflessly, whether through friendship, service, or simply sitting with someone who needs companionship. And if marriage comes, don’t worry about losing your identity—you will continue to discover who you are (and who you are made to be) even more clearly. Vatican II declared that man “cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself.” A person finds his or her true identity in giving selflessly to others, and building a community of love. It’s time to say “game over” to a culture of hookups, sexual laxity, and self-centeredness. Instead, welcome the adventure of self-gift into your life.

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Assisi (18)AnneMarie Miller studies Theology and English at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has a passion for the Catholic Faith, chastity, St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of married college life. When she’s not doing homework, housework, cooking, or playing chess, AnneMarie reflects on life’s beauty and random observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love (http://marianninja.blogspot.com).

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Consumerism of the Body

Casually flipping through the store ads in a newspaper this summer, one in particular caught my eye. Next to the department store’s logo, in bright, bold letters, were the words: “Everything is on Sale!” And, next to these words, were three scantily clad women posing to display as much skin as possible. The “sale” may have just been on dishes, clothes, and utilities, but what was I being told? “Everything is on sale—just look at the bodies of these women!” A few weeks later, I saw a man walking down the street, who was wearing a t-shirt that had a huge “For Sale” tag printed on it. What did the tag also say? “Make Offer.” Are we just objects for sale and consumption by others? And do we view others like that?

When I think about “consumerism of the body,” prostitution comes to mind. I typically think, Well, I’m not involved in that, so I don’t ever hold a consumer attitude towards others, right? Unfortunately, I—and I’m guessing others—fall into a consumer attitude. How many times have I shied away from people because they were unattractive or unpopular, and instead exclusively talk with the “popular” crowd? How often have people bought into the media’s lies that only the “hot guy” or “sexy girl” finds intimacy in a relationship? And you only need to walk down the Barbie aisle to see how young girls are being taught that sex appeal is a key element in life.

In the midst of our consumer culture, where can we look?

In Love and Responsibility, Karol Wojtyła discusses “sexual values,” the impressions made by people of the other sex, particularly by their “womanliness or manliness.” While important, he explains that these values can’t take precedence over the person, a unique individual with immense dignity and worth.

Wojytła states that choosing sexual values over the person is “clearly utilitarian in character, and not on the level of love for a person. The sexual values which a man finds in a woman, or a woman in a man, must certainly help to determine the choice, but the person making it must in doing so be fully aware that what he or she is choosing is a person.”

This can be a challenge, and I know people argue that, “we’re only human, how can we not put sexual values first?” Precisely because we’re human is why we can choose to prioritize a person over his or her sexual values alone. This isn’t exactly the easiest thing in the world, but chastity isn’t for wimps, either. We need to keep trying, and eventually we’ll make it! Here are some ways that I have tried to overcome a “consumer attitude” in my own life:

Be present to others. Not just talking with whoever’s attractive or really nice, but being fully present and encountering each person you come into contact with. Every single person is a great gift (even when he or she may not seem like it) and needs to be treated as such!

Base your relationships on more than the physical stuff. When describing the primary place of values and prayer in a relationship, I once heard a retreat speaker say, “You only have as much between you as you have above you.” Instead of focusing merely on the physical aspect of a relationship, emphasize common values and goals. This will help you to focus on who the other person actually is—and I’m willing to bet that you will become better friends in the process. Step out of the dark TV room, and find some creative dates, where you both can communicate and work together!

Community Service. Talking with and serving people in less-than-stellar conditions takes your mind away from the externals and helps you to see each person’s deep value.

Have multiple friends of the opposite sex. It’s a great way to naturally interact with people, choosing to love them for themselves, not just for their “sexual values.”

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Assisi (18)Anne Marie Miller studies Theology and English at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has a passion for the Catholic Faith, chastity, and St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of married college life. When she’s not doing homework, housework, cooking, or playing chess, AnneMarie reflects on her random observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love. (http://marianninja.blogspot.com)

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Commitment-Phobia

Many of us have gone through the process of checking event invites on Facebook. And sometimes, there’s an invite to that one party you just don’t want to attend. But, you want something to do Friday night. So, wanting to keep all options open—in case nothing better comes along—you click “maybe attending.” No commitment, no accountability, and if you have nothing better to do, you can go. For me, clicking “maybe attending” on Facebook invites has always been an easy answer, because I don’t have to commit. Yet, I’ve found little fulfillment in giving such noncommittal responses. And, unfortunately, “clicking maybe” seeps into our culture as people try to not commit themselves. In regards to relationships, I have noticed a few different tendencies:

The Neverending Flirt. Many of us have seen the cute guy in the hallway who has an entourage of women that he flirts with continually. Yet, he doesn’t commit himself in a relationship. Or, the woman who floats from one man to another, clinging to the companionship and emotional comfort, but never really dedicating herself to a relationship with one man.

The Over Discerner. Many people, since they don’t want to make a wrong choice, pray and discern, trying to reason through every possibility. While discernment is good, it can be easy to “over discern” and never actually get around to making a decision.

The Perpetual Date. Instead of moving a relationship towards engagement and marriage—or breaking it off if marriage isn’t in the picture—many people have no committed purpose to their relationships. Sometimes, these relationships will go nowhere for years on end, until finally they become engaged and get married. Other relationships will go on for several years before finally dissolving and leaving the individuals very broken and damaged.

The Cohabitating Couple. For many people, shacking up is a “normal” activity. With no commitment of marriage, people move in together for a variety of reasons. Yet, living together out of wedlock has several negative effects, which includes damaging relationships and the intimacy reserved for marriage

Ladies and gentlemen, we are made for more than this.

We have the ability to love and sacrifice, and we can consciously choose to work for the good of other people. When we cling to a fear of commitment, our relationships suffer, and we fall short of the tremendous love that we are made for. However, when we commit ourselves to others in purpose-driven relationships, we open ourselves up to a deep and immense love. In Love and Responsibility, Karol Wojtyla (now St. John Paul II) states that “Love develops on the basis of the totally committed and fully responsible attitude of a person to a person.” In order to fully love others, we need to build commitment. Especially in a relationship between a man and a woman, commitment builds trust, deepens intimacy, teaches sacrifice, and helps them look to the others’ needs before their own.

This challenge to commit ourselves is not easy; it can actually be quite terrifying and daunting. When people start purpose-driven relationships, they don’t know the extent of growth that will take place within them. When individuals get married, they have no idea what kind of challenges and adventures they will have down the road. Doubts and fears will swirl around us, but we can’t live in fear. Honesty and commitment are better than fearful doubt. We need to have the courage to commit.

I encourage all of you to look honestly at yourselves and your relationships, and see if you are holding back because of fears, or if you are willing to courageously commit in whatever way God is calling you to—whether it means dating, engagement, marriage, or even breaking up.

You owe it to yourself, and to your significant other.

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Assisi (18)Anne Marie Miller studies Theology and English at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has a passion for the Catholic Faith, chastity, and St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of married college life. When she’s not doing homework, housework, cooking, or playing chess, AnneMarie reflects on her random observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love. (http://marianninja.blogspot.com)

 

 

 

 

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Why Instant Gratification Never Gratifies

Recently, I saw a preview at a movie theater, which shocked me. The preview was for the new ABC show, “Rising Star.” Interspersed with images of families and crowds of people together, various celebrities flashed across the screen, saying this message: “Instant Gratification: It’s what you want. And now, it’s what you’re going to get.” My jaw dropped as these words reached my ears. That’s blunt. Is it a good thing to instantly satisfy our desires? And is this what we really want?

Well, when famous singers are telling people that “you want” instant gratification, our culture will move towards that goal. “Instant” products—from Netflix to TV dinners to quickly advancing technology—flood store ads, commercials, and homes. And while I have to confess that “instant view” movies are really convenient, the continual focus on instant gratification is not always that great.

Let’s imagine a world where whatever desires you have are immediately fulfilled. Two people feel attracted to each other, so they start being physically affectionate—and it quickly escalates into sex. Whenever a woman wants a man in her life, she can just whip out her phone and see pictures of local “available men,” whom she can contact. Whenever two people get really serious, they move in together to “test drive” their relationship prior to marriage.

Does this sound like a healthy society? I don’t think so. Unfortunately, this is our society. Tons of current relationships are based on physical intimacy, and they leave the people deeply injured. A variety of dating apps are on the rise, as more and more people try to instantaneously find a random person to date. And cohabitation is now incredibly commonplace. No commitments, no strong sense of self-control, just living on desires. A society based on the fleeting emotions and whims of billions of people—does this really sound like a good idea?

We are made for more than this. Delayed gratification can strengthen relationships, heighten intelligence, and make us healthier. It’s not rocket science; even a secular institution showed that delayed gratification is good for us.

In the late 1960s, psychology researchers at Stanford performed the famous “Marshmallow Study.” Hundreds of four-year-olds were each given one marshmallow or other treat. They were told that if they waited for fifteen minutes without eating their treats, they would additionally be given another treat. Some children smelled and touched their marshmallows, and ultimately ate them. Other children closed their eyes, turned around, or kicked their desks, to distract themselves from eating their treats. Over forty years later, researchers re-examined these people. On average, the people who, as preschoolers, delayed gratification were more socially competent, had stronger relationships, and higher SAT scores.

Saying “no” to the culture of cohabitation and hookups isn’t all that easy, but when we delay satisfying our desires in small ways, we will be able to strengthen ourselves to resist the sexual temptations that come along.

Say “no” to the snooze button. Right at the start of the day, we have a way to build self-control: when that alarm goes off, get up and start the day. This is way easier said than done (I’ve always overused the snooze button), but worth doing. Controlling our desires at the start of the day is a great way to begin a life of delayed gratification.

Make sacrifices for the greater good. This sounds like something from the Medieval World, with the “knights in shining armor”—but it’s for us, too! With sacrifice, we take control over our desires, so that we aren’t ruled by them. Even something like “I will eat a cookie at dinner instead of lunch” is a great way to start!

Don’t fly into one-night hookups, form lifelong friendships. When emotions are surging, and the mood is romantic, dipping to your desires and hooking up with that guy may seem awesome. Why not delay gratification and patiently work at becoming friends with people of the opposite sex? Instead of being alone and broken after a one-night stand, you will have a lot less heartache and healthy friendships.

Don’t listen to what the celebrities say; let’s tell them who we are: individuals who can control our desires, delay gratification, and live stronger, healthier lives filled with true sacrificial love.

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Assisi (18)Anne Marie Miller studies Theology and English at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has a passion for the Catholic Faith, chastity, and St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of married college life. When she’s not doing homework, housework, cooking, or playing chess, AnneMarie reflects on her random observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love. (http://marianninja.blogspot.com)

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How to Write a Love Letter (to your future husband)

My small hand reached across the dollar-store’s shelf. I don’t know if it was the roses or swirly script that caught my eye first. But there it was, a notebook covered in fancy, antique designs. My nine year old heart craved this book. After all, a romantic-looking notebook would be necessary for journaling about crushes, wedding dress designs, and ultimately, my True Love.

Little did I know that this notebook would change my life.

With exactly a dollar and eight cents, I acquired my prize. Soon after, the novelty of owning such a “romantic” notebook wore off. And frankly, I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t have a “love life” to write about. So, the notebook lay unused under my bed.

About four or five years later, I was listening to a college student talk about “saving herself” for her future husband. She mentioned writing love letters to her future husband. She said it was a great way to pray for him, and that it helped her to save her virginity and physical affections for marriage.

I pulled my “romantic” journal out from under my bed. Perfect, I thought. And I began to write letters to my future husband. They weren’t profound or long; sometimes only an “I was thinking about you today,” or, “Just want to say that I love you.”

My life changed. Instead of thinking of my husband as a futuristic dream, I began to see him as a real person. A living, breathing man whom I would marry. If I would be tempted by impure thoughts, I would whip out the journal. I would jot a quick note to him, apologizing for my failures, or telling of my triumphs. On August 10, 2013, I handed this notebook to my new husband. He handed me a pack of letters in return. We both were overwhelmed with the love captured in those letters written days, months, and years before our marriage.

It was super easy, as a young teen, to be swept away in fairy-tale fantasies and crushes. Society, movies, and music equate love with sex, and make a lifetime of breakups and broken hearts seem “normal.” But writing love letters to my husband grounded me in reality. Each moment that I scribbled a note, my future husband was out there–a real man, who I would marry and raise a family with.

You Can Write Love Letters to Your Future Spouse, Too!

  • Give yourself a second chance—We all make mistakes and mess up. Even if you’ve given yourself in impure ways, it’s never too late to start writing to your husband. Writing to him can motivate you to embrace purity in a whole new way!
  • Get creative—You don’t even need a notebook. You can stick all of your letters in a folder. Or you can put little love notes in a jar. Whatever works best for you, figure it out and go with it!
  • Don’t get discouraged—Sometimes, I would be tempted to stop writing letters all together, since I wouldn’t write for weeks or months at a time. It’s pathetic, I would think. I have so few. Don’t let that stop you! Your future spouse will love you and appreciate any number of letters that you write to him/her. Just keep writing!
  • Write about anything—Tell him/her about your dreams, hopes, what you’re excited for in marriage, what prayers you’ve been praying for him/her (for example, “I said a prayer for you while washing dishes today”).
  • It doesn’t end with marriage—Once you’re married, you can keep secretly writing love letters to your spouse. Whether you hide them around the house or give them directly to your spouse, he/she will love them. One morning, my husband left for an out-of-state trip extremely early. When I woke up later, I found that he had taped love notes all over our apartment! Small gestures like that are wonderful ways to show your love.

Above all, it’s good to ask yourself: “How can I best love my future spouse?”

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Assisi (18)Anne Marie Miller studies Theology and English at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has a passion for the Catholic Faith, chastity, and St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of married college life. When she’s not doing homework, housework, cooking, or playing chess, AnneMarie reflects on her random observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love. (http://marianninja.blogspot.com)

 

 

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