Alexander Pyles

I reflect on my past year during Christmas, and with Advent wrapping up now there’s no better time to do this. I don’t wait around for New Year’s to make resolutions, because us Catholics get a month head start on everyone else (Advent, people). I’m using the term “resolution” loosely, because as much as I loathe the term, I’ve realized its actually beneficial to reflect on what my goals will be this upcoming year, which gives us a chance to set up short term and long term goals to meet.

New year “resolutions,” or long-term goals, as I call them, need to be realistic. And the term “realistic” does not mean that you set the bar low. What I mean is that if you are going to try to lose 30 lbs. this year, you need to set a short-term goal, such as running every other day for a week. By setting up short-term goals, we not only see our progress, but it emboldens us to keep going, despite any missteps that we might have during the year.  In order to win the long game, we need to first conquer the short game.

Keeping our goals grounded is critical in how we carry ourselves, because if they are not reasonable, they will only disappoint us.  It is all too often that New Year resolutions bring about frustration for those who make them, and scoffing from those who don’t. I have often created high goals and I often fail to meet my goal.  Then when it’s time to try again, I don’t. I’ve done this in the past with my goals of writing a little every day, or even running every other day.  As soon as I miss a day, or a couple days, I throw in the towel and give up.  This isn’t healthy, and I soon realized that is not how I should be conducting my endeavors.

Our faith lives can conform to short/long term goals as well.  There will be times of spiritual fruitfulness, then dry spells in prayer. During those dry seasons, I struggle to keep my relationship with God up, and even maintain a moderate prayer schedule. It’s all about maintaining a habit that keeps us on track, yet it can push us out of our comfort zone.  It is up to our willpower to stay in the habit, despite this and to keep going.

Purity works in this way too, specifically the problem of porn. Setting small goals with porn can be extremely helpful. It is often harder, if not almost impossible to drop viewing porn, unless we have help. Dropping something such as viewing porn “cold turkey” is admirable but uncommon. Although things like porn addiction require more than simply “short term goals,” it’s a start in fighting back against that destructive habit.

Realistic goals help us with communicating with others, because by knowing ourselves and our limitations, it reflects how we view others too.  How we conduct our actions and habits impact how we can accept another person’s actions and/or failings.  Their faults or gifts become more acceptable or praiseworthy if we have this realistic mindset.  We can have a more authentic view of the world by simply having a more grounded idea of our goals.

Having just completed the season of Advent, we should take the time for renewal, which I believe we take for granted. Sure, there are plenty of festivities to participate in, a lot of holiday related traditions; the season can be rather noisy. There is also a call from our faith to dwell in the quiet that underlies this season.  I take this cue from the first Christmas, where the Holy family shared a moment that was the most peaceful in all of human history. Our culture has done a fair job with making the Christmas season one of the most materialistic and commercially overloaded times of the year. Instead of going along with the crowds it should be a challenge to us to return to the basics and revel in our families.  After all, Advent means “waiting.” so too should we wait on ourselves as we slowly meet our goals.

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Alexander Pyles is a graduate philosophy student at Franciscan University of Steubenville, having already completed his Bachelors in Philosophy and Writing.  He is hoping to break into the world of novel writing, and is currently applying to enter into a Master in Fine Arts program.  Originally from Virginia Beach, VA, he misses the sun, sand, and ocean. You can keep up with his (many) thoughts on his personal blog, Writing is Speaking (http://aspauthor.wordpress.com/)

I used to scoff at a friend of mine whenever we talked about kissing girls.  Hearing him say, “kissing starts the snowball” was laughable to me, and I usually told him so. It sounded ridiculous. That “snowball”, though, escalates into an avalanche faster than you’d think.

It might sound naive to place such importance on a first kiss, but it’s for good reason. That first kiss is like wading into the ocean that is the physical side of a relationship. Looking back at the majority of my relationships, I believe what eventually ended them was swimming out into that ocean too fast, and too far.

There’s an emphasis on “doing what feels good” in our culture, and that extends to what a couple does when they’re alone. During a passionate moment, no one will be there to tell you what’s right and wrong, other than your own conscience. That’s why you have to know beforehand what is off limits, and that takes maturity and a deep respect for your significant other.

I realize now I didn’t really respect the women I dated, nor did I truly realize what I was doing in the first place when it came to physicality. What often begins as innocent expressions of affection can often initiate a string of further actions that go further than the last.

There were so many times I could have stopped or held back, but I was curious, and I wanted it.  And yeah it is as simple as that. There were times when I felt we weren’t doing anything wrong… until I had gone way too far.  Despite it happening once, I ended up there again, too. No surprise when that relationship ended a week later. I was too blind, immature, and far too ignorant to fully know what I was doing. I didn’t realize that I was slowly drowning in “what felt good.”

I want to implore you men out there to be watchful of the purity of your affections. Let’s be honest, it’s guys who tend to be the ones who like to push the boundaries. Yet, women can do this too. Ladies, you have to remind men where the line is, and remember that respect goes both ways. I know you feel pressured to give in to the usual social pressures, and saying “no” is difficult. However, keep in mind that “no” comes out of Love, which is the reason as to why you would go to such lengths to protect not only yourself, but him. Protecting the intimacy that’s reserved for the mature fidelity of marriage takes courage. All it really takes to start the snowball is one slip up, and it only becomes harder the longer it keeps going.

Swimming out can be a lot easier than swimming back. I have tried a few times, once I realized what I had done, but I just ended up treading water. I still drowned in the end. Now, every time I’m with a girl, I am not only physically aware of her and myself, but respectful of her and who she is. Keeping your head above water is not easy. Relationships are complicated, and the physical side of relationships only seems to make them more so.  Stay close to shore.

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Alexander Pyles is a graduate philosophy student at Franciscan University of Steubenville, having already completed his Bachelors in Philosophy and Writing.  He is hoping to break into the world of novel writing and/or screenwriting, with hopes of bringing literature and beauty to the foreground of culture.  Originally from Virginia Beach, VA, he misses the sun, sand and ocean. You can keep up with his (many) thoughts on his personal blog, Writing is Speaking (http://aspauthor.wordpress.com/)