Kissing: What’s the Big Deal?

I used to scoff at a friend of mine whenever we talked about kissing girls.  Hearing him say, “kissing starts the snowball” was laughable to me, and I usually told him so. It sounded ridiculous. That “snowball”, though, escalates into an avalanche faster than you’d think.

It might sound naive to place such importance on a first kiss, but it’s for good reason. That first kiss is like wading into the ocean that is the physical side of a relationship. Looking back at the majority of my relationships, I believe what eventually ended them was swimming out into that ocean too fast, and too far.

There’s an emphasis on “doing what feels good” in our culture, and that extends to what a couple does when they’re alone. During a passionate moment, no one will be there to tell you what’s right and wrong, other than your own conscience. That’s why you have to know beforehand what is off limits, and that takes maturity and a deep respect for your significant other.

I realize now I didn’t really respect the women I dated, nor did I truly realize what I was doing in the first place when it came to physicality. What often begins as innocent expressions of affection can often initiate a string of further actions that go further than the last.

There were so many times I could have stopped or held back, but I was curious, and I wanted it.  And yeah it is as simple as that. There were times when I felt we weren’t doing anything wrong… until I had gone way too far.  Despite it happening once, I ended up there again, too. No surprise when that relationship ended a week later. I was too blind, immature, and far too ignorant to fully know what I was doing. I didn’t realize that I was slowly drowning in “what felt good.”

I want to implore you men out there to be watchful of the purity of your affections. Let’s be honest, it’s guys who tend to be the ones who like to push the boundaries. Yet, women can do this too. Ladies, you have to remind men where the line is, and remember that respect goes both ways. I know you feel pressured to give in to the usual social pressures, and saying “no” is difficult. However, keep in mind that “no” comes out of Love, which is the reason as to why you would go to such lengths to protect not only yourself, but him. Protecting the intimacy that’s reserved for the mature fidelity of marriage takes courage. All it really takes to start the snowball is one slip up, and it only becomes harder the longer it keeps going.

Swimming out can be a lot easier than swimming back. I have tried a few times, once I realized what I had done, but I just ended up treading water. I still drowned in the end. Now, every time I’m with a girl, I am not only physically aware of her and myself, but respectful of her and who she is. Keeping your head above water is not easy. Relationships are complicated, and the physical side of relationships only seems to make them more so.  Stay close to shore.


Me1 Photo Credit Matthew SealAlexander Pyles is a graduate philosophy student at Franciscan University of Steubenville, having already completed his Bachelors in Philosophy and Writing.  He is hoping to break into the world of novel writing and/or screenwriting, with hopes of bringing literature and beauty to the foreground of culture.  Originally from Virginia Beach, VA, he misses the sun, sand and ocean. You can keep up with his (many) thoughts on his personal blog, Writing is Speaking (



  1. So true. I enjoy reading what you write. I also write though it’s mostly poetry. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

    By Amber | 7 years ago Reply
  2. this is great, thanks Alexander!

    By Kateri | 7 years ago Reply
  3. Thank you Alexander for this! I was just thinking (literally an hour or two ago (craziness!)) about how our culture tries to trivialize kissing, as in it’s “no big deal”. It’s important to remember what kissing can lead to, but also the significance behind it: affection, love, etc. Being as I’m in college and female, I get reminded of how much people don’t care about the true meaning far too often. I think your article is a great reminder of why I keep my head and resolve firm. Once again, thank you!

    By Hayley | 7 years ago Reply
  4. This is great, Alex! Thanks for writing it and sharing your insights. I can totally relate.

    By Ashley | 7 years ago Reply
  5. Well said man…speakin the truth. Kissing can so easily lead to more and as men we need to step up and be strong from the beginning. Good read!

    By Patrick | 7 years ago Reply
    • I concur!

      By Thomas | 7 years ago Reply
  6. This is SO true! I loved the water/snowball analogies, which are seriously the best descriptions. Thanks for much for sharing your wise thoughts on something so relevant to today’s young people. 🙂

    By Christa | 7 years ago Reply
  7. I LOVE hearing a guy talk honestly about going too far. Great analogy about the snowball and so much truth in your conclusions. Let your friends scoff–you’ve got the right idea, kissing IS a big deal.

    By Beth Steury | 7 years ago Reply
  8. Really enjoyed benefitting from you post Alexander. Thank you for sharing your past experience in the effort to help guide others along the right path!

    By Ben | 7 years ago Reply
  9. Its awesome bro. Inspiring. am a lover of philosopher and your article jst stays very existential. Am sure Kafka, Kierkegaad and Fydor wud be happy to read this. Bravissimo.

    By chisomoinAfrica | 7 years ago Reply
  10. This article couldn’t be better stated. It reminds me of a time when I was teased for still being a virgin when I was 18, and I was dating a guy that shared a very strong mutual attraction. He was 6 years older and in the Navy while I was just starting college. We enjoyed each other’s company on fun outings when he was in town. I was attracted to him, but fearful of the pressure of friends teasing me, so I came over to his house one night before we were going out on a date. I was deliberately early. While he let me in and went to finish shaving, I jumped under his covers. When he came out of the bathroom, he simply said, “Little girl, you don’t know what you’re doing.” And “Oh my gosh, get dressed.” While I was offended at the time, I truly appreciated and respected him so much for not taking advantage of me, so I could save something special for my husband.

    By Mary | 7 years ago Reply
    • omg your story.!!! hats off to that man you were dating!

      By pau | 7 years ago Reply
  11. Mom always said kissing leads to other things. I learned that mom was right I told my daughter the same.

    By Karen | 7 years ago Reply
  12. Thank you Alexander! God is doing great things with you. Keep fighting the good fight!

    By Tara G | 7 years ago Reply
  13. I believe in this principle of kissing at the altar.
    A good read is Joshua Harris’ I quit dating.
    Thanks Alexander for this, surely sets the right standard

    By Josephine | 7 years ago Reply
  14. Wow! This is absolutely amazing. Thank you a lot. :))))
    Keep going man, this is SO worth of reading. There are men like you and, just like you did, they should speak out and say different story, the better one.
    Keep going with encouraging women. That’s also fantastic.
    (Y) (Y) 😉

    By John | 7 years ago Reply
  15. I truly loved reading this simply because it’s a ray of light in this hook up trend and because it reminds both guys and girls what needs to be done and that it’s okay to digress from the norms set by society. Especially with teenagers like us – we’re trying our hardest to fit in and grow up and sometimes we’re just blinded by those insignificant social values that we tend to hold to such high standards. In the process we lose ourselves, and sometimes we never come back. Good read! Love the metaphors lol

    By Wendy | 7 years ago Reply
  16. I find this so true and a good reminder in my own life to “stay close to shore” when, like you said, it is so easy to just do what feels good. My boyfriend and I will have been dating for three years at the end of May. We find that it is sometimes difficult, but we have been talking about this exact subject a lot and are trying to “stay on the beach” so there are no temptations to go further before we get married. Reading things like article give hope for people like me and keep us going strong. So I thank you for that. 🙂

    By Lindsay | 7 years ago Reply
  17. Alex, I enjoyed what you wrote and I have learned a lot about relationships over the past 50 years. I was brought up pretty religious, Episcopal. Mostly what I learned growing up, was that sex was for having babies and that was it. I had to learn about kissing and everything else on my own in high school and college. What I have learned is that kissing can be very sensual and can lead to other things, but it is all part of a committed relationship when we share our most intimate thoughts and feelings. I know there are folks that just hook up and that’s it. I have never been able to do that. I always needed to care for someone very deeply before anything physical because you are giving part of yourself to someone else. Once you find your true soul mate and he or she is out there, your life will become more whole. It is pretty awesome. Love and miss you. Aunt Jen

    By Jennifer Pyles Willox | 7 years ago Reply
  18. This is a great article! Thank you for sharing and also for been so honest about it. The last paragraph is my favorite “Stay close to shore.”

    By Margarita | 7 years ago Reply
  19. Thanks for the article. My wife and I agreed not to kiss when we were dating, nearly 15 years ago. Our first kiss was at the altar when Father gave us permission. It was a choice neither of us regret.

    By Jim Hahn | 7 years ago Reply
  20. except for engaging in victim-blaming thinking and a negative approach to sexuality, this was quite nice.

    By fran | 7 years ago Reply
    • Hi Fran,

      I can sympathize with your view. I used to have a perspective similar to yours. But, I actually learned that purity is what I have wanted all along. It’s way more romantic and enchanting than “doing what feels good.” 🙂 It’s beautiful and positive. Not just in theory, but in practice. There are tons of couples who can testify to this, including the founders of this website. I doubt that they would even bother traveling the world and giving their testimony if they didn’t think any of this chastity stuff was worth it.

      By Michelle | 7 years ago Reply
  21. Wow. Such insight. Much philosophy. So chastity. 10/10, would read again.

    By Jacob | 7 years ago Reply

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