"Emily"

It’s been a few weeks since the Supreme Court issued its vote that made same-sex “marriage” legal in all fifty states. Since that decision, social media has been taken over by a rainbow filter, especially on Facebook as millions of people have adjusted their profile picture to be shown under an assembly of horizontally-striped colors in support of the Supreme Court’s decision.

I am personally troubled by how many of my Christian friends—especially my Christian friends who believe marriage was created by God to be between one man and one woman for life—have adopted this rainbow filter. I’ve seen several reasons tossed around: support for equal rights, support for equal recognition under the law, etc. But every rationalization ultimately can be grouped under the catch-all umbrella phrase: “Separation of Church and State.”

The reasoning, for these Christian friends of mine, is this: There is a separation between Church and State in this great country, so it’s totally acceptable to support same-sex couples being afforded the privilege of legally recognized marriages.

What troubles me about this is that it comes off as celebration. They don’t just appear to be “supporting” something political—they appear to be celebrating something culturally, well, destructive, and objectively sinful.

I would like to suggest this as food for thought: We pride ourselves, as Americans, for the separation of church and state. It is in place for good reason, and the protections it guarantees are important. However, there is another important separation I would like to remind us all of.

When Jesus was praying in the garden before his passion and death, he prayed that we might be “in the world, and not of it.” Jesus was a perfect example of this. He met people where they were, brought them a message of hope and peace, healed their diseases and forgave their sins. He supported all people in every sense of the word, and showed a profound respect for their dignity.

But one thing Jesus never, ever did . . . was celebrate sin.

As a same-sex attracted person (who is not ashamed of my attractions), I would like to offer a challenge to those Christians who think they are loving me by filtering their profile picture through a rainbow flag:

Love those who experience same-sex attraction. Not this hands-off, “you-do-you,” don’t-hurt-feelings inspired false love, but real love.

The love of Jesus wasn’t afraid to get dirty, to get bloody, to die to self. It wasn’t afraid to offend, though offense was never its goal. The love of Jesus is authentic, appreciating persons for who they are (and who we are is not defined by who we are attracted to), and supporting them in a journey of developing an ever-deeper relationship with God, others, and the self.

Jesus would not have had a rainbow-filtered profile picture. That kind of “love” is too cheap and easy for Him. He didn’t avoid hard questions or hard circumstances. He gave hope, joy, peace, healing, and ultimately His life, to show us our worth.

I beg of you, brothers and sisters, to be in the world and not of it. Love more authentically than through a rainbow filter. Let love really win. Bring the Gospel to a dying and hurting world rather than celebrating its spiral into sin. Forget the politics and buzzwords for a few moments, and consider the impact of celebrating persons made in the image of God, and refusing to ever celebrate their stepping aside from that image.

Please don’t celebrate sin. Celebrate love, namely, by showing it, really, for what it really is.

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Emily is a 23-year-old Theology student who spends her free time reading, writing, hanging out with friends, and dyeing her hair ridiculous colors. When she isn’t doing homework, she’s assisting with the youth ministry program at her parish.

My friends and I used to treat first dates like a final exam. If you pass, you get married. If you fail, or make a bad joke, you must wipe all your dreams off the board and start over.

Dating is supposed to be fun but I easily forget to trust the process. Falling in love and marrying your best friend is a gift—a peaceful, exciting time. There’s no place for anxiety and pretending to be someone you’re not.

Here’s some practical advice on how to NOT turn a date into high-pressure, win-lose situation:

1) Never take a selfie on a first date. It doesn’t need to be a public spectacle that the two of you are discerning a romantic relationship. Don’t date for how it looks, or the attention you receive.

2) It’s not an interview; It’s more like a play date. What do you and your friends do on a Saturday afternoon? You’re trying to find out what fun you can have together. Don’t pull out a list of serious questions you want to know like her grandmother’s medical history . . . unless you can do so playfully.

3) Avoid the 90-Day Free Trial. I’m a repeat offender when it comes to meeting a guy on a blind date, leading him through a brutal three month trial period to see how much he’ll fight for me, and then giving up. I’ve learned the hard way to be friends with a person for 3-6 months before establishing a crush, let alone going on a date.

4) God will make it romantic. Guys, you don’t have to bring flowers on the first date (If you must, a single lily will do). Don’t turn your date into a scavenger hunt for signs of destiny. When God leaves clues, they’re obvious.

5) Exit Plan. Are you happy with your current life? Content with your job? Not dreaming of moving? Sometimes we’re eager to date because we’re looking for a way out. If you’re thinking about changing your life soon, now might not the time to start dating. Of course, it’s always time to make new friends. If they happen to share your faith and be attractive, well, who could object to that?

6) Great Expectations. The person you date isn’t going to be perfect. They’ll have rough spots and they won’t have everything figured out—just like you. Appreciate their personality as a non-judgmental friend. Give it time to figure out who they are, where they’re going, and what they’re looking for. Don’t be disappointed when they’re everything you ever wanted except (fill in the blank). Temptation comes disguised as everything you ever wanted in one, easy fix.

7) Should I pray a novena?! If you must, dedicate those nine days praying that you will be chill (not for the middle name of your first child.) Pray to relax. Pray to be yourself. Pray to enjoy the moments leading up to the date and the moments after without looking, feeling, or being totally strung out. A date is just time. A few hours, a few laughs. And time is not running out. God’s plan cannot be thwarted no matter how long it takes.

A Pinterest-worthy wedding photo to hang above your mantle is the golden calf of our generation. Refuse to worship it. It’s not the trophy you win for dating well. A holy marriage is a process of sanctification and the end goal is heaven.

This person isn’t the key to your happiness. Your interior life with Jesus is. Only with the Lord will you have the grace to give, give, and give. Love isn’t at its best on the first date anyway.

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Anna Steele is a proud Ravenclaw eagle and super godmother to triplets. She loves Jesus, Pinterest, and sprinkle donuts.  Someday she wants to be the patron saint of break-ups. Her goal in life is to enkindle social change through the next generation of Catholic leaders. You can read her Lenten promise to blog every day here. Follow @annajsteele if you want to stay in touch on Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.  Anna is the Director of Youth Ministry in Ames, Iowa.

What images are conjured up by the words “dating fast?” Wait, is that someone not dating by choice? Yes, it’s that and so much more! It can include saying no to casual dating, flirting, making out, and the like; no spending an afternoon daydreaming about your crush or thinking about your wedding; and not encouraging any thoughts of lacking worth or how one relationship will fulfill you.

Wait, isn’t love a great and beautiful thing? Don’t we spend our whole lives looking for love, even if sometimes it’s in “all the wrong places?” Why would we ever fast from love?

I asked myself the same question until one day, during college, I listened to a talk by a priest about friendships between men and women. I realized that many men had not been friends, or even people, to me for a long time. They had become prospects. I was usually on the lookout for that next crush who would hopefully, finally, be the man of my dreams. This caused problems: a lot of heartaches and wasted time, especially the time I spent admiring my crushes on Facebook.

So, I decided to go on a dating fast. I had heard about “the fast” from many other sources, whether from close friends, spiritual advisors, blogs, or even the FOCUS missionaries on my campus who committed to a dating fast their first year of missionary work. But, I had always been skeptical because I didn’t understand what could be gained from a dating fast.

How quickly I learned! I came to realize that fasting shifts our eyes from the trivial to the infinite. It can lift us up and make us better by pushing us to work a little harder and exercise self-control even while we go about our everyday. So, I took the dive and went on a semester-long fast, trying to rid my heart of all the bad thoughts and perceptions I had about love and replace it with the wholesomeness of true love.

Despite how hard and long that semester was, it was one of the most fruitful times of my life. I started seeing the opposite sex and myself as people again: Glorious, flawed, desirable, sometimes obnoxious people, possessing infinite worth. I realized we all deserve more than daydreams, romantic comedies, fantasies, and relationships based only on the physical. We deserve true love, which involves work and hardship and joy and something almost akin to bliss.

To this day, I reap the benefits from that time of fasting. Sometimes, my vision becomes clouded with false ideas of love promoted by magazines, movies, and books. These things try to convince me that I have to have sex to have a good relationship, or that I am not enough if I don’t have a boyfriend, etc. When I’m tempted to entertain such thoughts, I remind myself of what I learned during the fast and I am back on track. There’s no need to start fasting every time I get a little off track. If so, I would be starving myself and that doesn’t help either!

So, to this day, whether I am single or dating, I keep in mind what I have learned: The person you like, or may not like, is first and foremost a person, with goals, dreams, and worth that cannot be fathomed. The same goes for you and me. This mentality has helped me through heartbreaks, hopes, and first dates, and I hope it can help you too.

Happy fasting!

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Kathryn Dionne enjoys writing when she isn’t working for her alma mater, Ave Maria University. She is also a sports enthusiast, despite a soccer injury that cuts her physical exertion a little short. But that’s ok, because watching movies, her other passion, doesn’t involve running, so she still considers herself #blessed. Blogs: glenncococlub.wordpress.com   sleeplessincinema.wordpress.com

The other day I stumbled across an article which essentially proclaimed “CHIVALRY IS DEAD: Here’s why.” Like a bright red flashing warning sign smack bang in front of my face, I saw the temptation to give in to that kind of defeatist thinking. And I get it, I really do! Pretending we don’t need strong men often hurts less than acknowledging the ways in which our desperate need for them can go unsatisfied.

For many women, this kind of self-defence mechanism makes it difficult to accept genuine romantic gestures or expressions of honor. For a long time I was one of those women: I didn’t see my own worth, so I didn’t trust that anyone else would see it either. I found it was easier to be tough and push people away than to be vulnerable and risk getting hurt, but it meant that I missed out on receiving the respect my brothers in Christ were trying to show me.

For others, chivalry seems old-fashioned and unnecessary because they feel the need to prove themselves. The last century has birthed a specific type of women who believe that being independent and self-sufficient is the ultimate measure of success, and the less input they need in their lives from men the better. As a result, men are often afraid of chivalry because they don’t want to be seen as patronising, sexist, or even disrespectful.

But I don’t believe that’s the end of the story!

I believe that…

… Women deserve to be pursued: I’m not content to pursue.

… When a man holds a door for me, lets me go first, gives up his seat, offers his jacket when it’s cold or carries something heavy for me, it’s honorable and courteous rather than patronising.

… Having a man offer help with those simple things is not a reflection of my capability, but of my worth. I can do it myself, but I choose to accept their offer.

… Being walked to my door doesn’t have to mean a guy is expecting something more.

… Men who have strong boundaries are showing me respect rather than being disinterested.

… Love notes are a sign of sincerity rather than soppiness.

… A man who is intentional and clear about his feelings is far more attractive than one who plays hard to get and fails to guard my heart.

… Submitting to my future husband’s leadership won’t make me any less of a woman: authentic masculinity nurtures authentic femininity, and vice versa.

And I believe there is a generation of women rising up who feel the same. Women who are so confident in who they are as daughters of the Most High King that they can simultaneously humble themselves in embracing their need for the complementarity of men and assert their own feminine dignity. They recognise that allowing a man to protect and provide for them isn’t a sign of weakness but a sign of their infinite value.

These women are beautiful. They’re strong. They’re captivating. Above all they draw people in to the picture of Christ which they reflect. They know who they are and whose they are, and they trust in God’s plan for their lives. They embody true femininity and draw out true masculinity from the men around them. Women: you can choose to be one of them. Come and join the revolution.

Men: in the words of the great Saint John Paul II, “be not afraid” to treat women with the dignity and respect they deserve. If they reject your chivalrous efforts, remember that the unseen reality may be that they’re desperate to encounter authentic love but are so entrenched in the message that they’re unworthy of that love that they’re lashing out to protect themselves from the risk of being hurt. They need your prayers more than ever! Be the man your heart desires to be, and you have the power to point them towards the love of Christ and help restore their own view of themselves! Never underestimate that privilege.
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Esther Rich has a bachelor degree in Psychology from Oxford University, UK, and is currently completing the Sion Community Youth Foundation Year, working on their youth ministry team. She loves Theology of the Body, Papa Francesco and a good worship band. She is passionate about empowering women to be who they were created to be, and blogs at “For Such A Time As This.”