If you met a girl in her mid-twenties who was still a virgin, would you think that something was wrong with her? Wouldn’t that scare you off?
Nothing adorns a woman with as much beauty as purity! Nothing is more attractive than holiness. Anyone can recognize this. I once heard of a group of young men who called themselves the “Spur Posse.” They competed to sleep with as many women as possible, but every one of them admitted that he wanted to marry a virgin. They all recognized that virginity was a priceless treasure. Unfortunately, they thought it was OK to sleep with the future brides of other men, even though they did not want anyone to touch the women they would marry.
In the book When God Writes Your Love Story, Leslie Ludy reported a conversation she overheard. Four men were speaking about what they looked for in a woman: ‘“A woman who has mystery—who guards her heart and isn’t easy to get.” A woman who has backbone. High standards.” A woman who is focused on God and isn’t easily distracted by men.” A woman who doesn’t throw herself at me, but allows me to win her heart over time.”’ Leslie asked the men what their opinion was of girls who were easy. They all said, ‘“A real turn off.” Totally unattractive.”’ Leslie asked one more question, ‘“How do you feel about a girl who is careful about guarding her emotions?” I have the utmost respect for a girl like that.” That’s the kind of girl I want to marry.” If I’m interested in a girl, it may be frustrating if she doesn’t fall for me right away, but deep down I am all the more intrigued by the challenge of winning her heart.”’
If I were to meet a woman who was still a virgin (and there are plenty my age), I would not think that something was wrong with her. I would think that something was right with her. I would think, “Here is a woman who is willing to sacrifice for the sake of love. Here is a woman who knows the respect she deserves. Here is a woman who knows full well that her body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Here is a woman.”
Since virginity can be given only once, do not lose it. You lose keys and cell phones but your virginity is not meant to be lost, as if you had misplaced it somewhere. Give your virginity once and for all to the one true love of your life—your spouse—and to no other. This will be a tremendous blessing to your marriage. In fact, women who marry as virgins have a divorce rate 76 percent lower than those who don’t wait for marriage.
There is nothing wrong with you if you cherish the treasure of your virginity. Do you want to explain to your future spouse that you gave away your virginity in order to prove that you were normal or popular? Imagine the joy of being able to tell your groom that the gift of your body belongs entirely to him and to no other. Now imagine if you were not able to tell him that. You have saved it this long because you know its value, and you simply need a reminder that you are on track. You are.
The world talks so often about having “sexual experience” and being able to “perform” that it is no wonder no one seems satisfied. All the talk leaves people afraid to be inexperienced. But why? The marital act has nothing to do with performing. I do not know of anyone who had a panel of judges with numbered cards sitting in their honeymoon suite. Do not worry about not having enough experience. You and your spouse will have your entire married life to learn how to love one another.
Purity before marriage is beautiful and helps unite the couple for life. I have received several e-mails from husbands who are having difficulty in marriage because their wives had been with other men before them. The gift of a pure body, a pure mind, and a pure heart is the greatest gift you could ever give your spouse.
Therefore, virginity does not scare me off. After all, the value of a gift increases immeasurably if it exists only for the one to whom it will be given. Anyone who thinks that having more sexual experience makes the gift of oneself better is like someone who thinks that if you chew your gum before you give it to someone, he will be more impressed by the gift. Prepare to give your future spouse the best gift you possibly can, and the Lord will bless you abundantly.
. Eric and Leslie Ludy, When God Writes Your Love Story (Sisters, Ore.: Loyal Publishing, 1999), 109.
. Edward O. Laumann, et al., The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1994), 503.