My friends are pressuring me to sleep with this one guy and lose my virginity to him before I go off to college. They said it’s something you just need to get done and over with. What should I say to them?

I’m sorry to hear that your friends are pressuring you to make such a life-changing decision. You could reply to them in a number of ways:

1. Tell them virginity is not something to “get done and over with.” That’s an expression that should refer to getting your wisdom teeth pulled out.

2. Tell that that you’d rather your first time be with a husband who will never leave you, not with a hormonal teenage boy who might be gone tomorrow.

3. Ask them if they’d be willing to come to your college dorm next year at 3:00 am to change your baby’s diapers when this guy accidentally impregnates you with a child he has no desire to support. Tell them you’d rather worry about your college entrance exams than pregnancy tests right now.

4. Apart from these blunt replies, it’s important that you tell them with sincerity and charity why you value the gift of sexuality, and why you have no desire to reduce this gift to a loan.

I am sorry to tell you what you already know, but these “friends” do not care about what’s best for you. To them, sex isn’t big deal. It’s just a way to make a guy interested in you. Therefore, I’d strongly suggest you find better friends who bring out the best in you. As St. Paul said, “Bad company corrupts good morals” (1 Cor. 15:33).

These girls may act like sexual activity outside of marriage is harmless fun, but the reality is quite the opposite. I think that sexually active girls often act so carefree to cover up the fact that they are deeply unhappy, confused, lonely, and frustrated. Some of them I’ve met are scared to cry because they’re afraid that if they start, then they won’t be able to stop.

I am not alone in my observations. In 2005, the Washington Times published an article entitled, “Depression: A new sexually transmitted disease.” In it, the author reported that according to the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, depression often follows early sexual activity. The study followed over 13,000 middle and high school students for two years. Of the abstinent teens, only 4% experienced depression.

On the other hand, girls who were sexually promiscuous were eleven times as likely to be depressed. What’s significant about this study is that the depression did not seem to cause the sexual activity, but vice versa. They discovered that any sexual experimentation increased the likelihood of depression for girls. They concluded, “Given the present findings, girls who are engaging in substance use or sexual intercourse should be screened for depression, and provided with anticipatory guidance about the mental health risks of these behaviors.”[1]

You don’t need any of this drama. Follow your intuition and respect yourself. You won’t regret it. In fact, the more you save, the less you regret.


[1]. Hallfors, et al., “Which Comes First in Adolescence—Sex and Drugs or Depression?” American Journal of Preventive Medicine 29:3 (October 2005): 169; Hallfors, et al., “Adolescent Depression and Suicide Risk: Association with Sex and Drug Behavior,” American Journal of Preventive Medicine 27:3 (October 2004): 224–231

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