In his quiet apartment, I stirred a pot of mac ‘n’ cheese while I watched him watch TV. He sighed. So did I, and for the same reason that he did: As of a few minutes earlier, I wasn’t his girlfriend anymore. His was a sigh of resignation. Mine was a sigh of relief. When we first met, I was 23. Read more…
One of my favorite things to do when I have spare time is to catch a movie. There was no shortage of blockbuster movies this holiday season—and the one that I was most looking forward to was the final part of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit. There’s a scene in the movie where the elf Tauriel holds Kili the dwarf and Read more…
Just kidding. Now… Let’s do some real talk. If you’re single, raise your hand. Now take a deep breath. Everything is going to be okay, you’re not gonna die… Unless you text and drive. I know the holidays are here, and everyone plus their little sibling seems to have a significant other, who they’re posting pictures with on Instagram. But Read more…
I often go for a run after I get home from work. When I first started doing this, it was a pain. I hated it. I would walk in the door every afternoon, look around my living room, and often choose to be lazy and not go. Once in a while I’d really be motivated to go, and so I’d Read more…
Every time I hear the word “breakup,” images of Ben and Jerry’s, sappy movies, and a large supply of tissues come to my mind. Because, let’s face it: breakups are hard and ice cream is delicious…. That being said, I think that it is time to start looking at breakups in a bit of a different light. Sure, sobbing, crying, Read more…
In 1994, there was no choice but to wait. I remember how the world was rocked when a new technology began to shorten the distance between people, making communication easier and more instant. Three words changed everything: Dial-Up Internet. Oh yeah, I have vivid memories of waiting just a few short minutes to connect to the World Wide Web. The Read more…
Every day we’re bombarded with messages about what promises to satisfy us—pleasure, food, technology—you name it! We want it all, and we want it now. Ultimately, the only thing that will satisfy us is love. We’re made for love, but if we expect the world to satisfy our deepest cravings, we’ll always hunger for more. Our God-given desire for love Read more…
“I don’t want average love. I want the epic love story. If people waited for God, He would do more than you could believe.” – Gianna Jessen, abortion survivor These words that Gianna spoke should be taken seriously by anyone who wants a love that is more than average. Why do we settle? Why do many people today settle for Read more…
I sat at the foot of the bed with crossed arms and my mind made up while I ugly-cried: “I will never meet another guy who likes me.” I was 20 and mildly dramatic and my path—one I briefly walked with a blue-eyed, black-haired bass player—had been pulled out from under me. By text message. On New Year’s Day. Single, and I didn’t Read more…
I LOVE the song ‘Lead Me’ by Sanctus Real, but I can’t listen to it without getting emotional. My friend and I cried to each other over the phone when we first heard it. Why? Because it hits a sore spot. It hits that wound in all of our hearts that bleeds the phrase “how come there are no real Read more…
A few weeks ago, I was at the gym with a friend when I saw a guy who I was certain I recognized but couldn’t decide where from. Good-looking, dark hair, athletic build, training with the university boxing team. There was no denying he was attractive. Then it dawned on me where I’d seen him before. Every Sunday he rushes Read more…
A year ago I made a decision that changed my life. I ended a destructive relationship, and I’ve never looked back. But I learned something very important very quickly—I learned that I had absolutely no clue who I was! I’d had two long term relationships since I was 16, and I’d forgotten what it meant to not be part of Read more…
Dating, “talking,” seeing someone, going out—these are all titles that we use to describe our romantic relationships with others. One word that is hardly used anymore is “courting” and I completely understand why. The word just sounds so old-fashioned and boring and it almost brings on the gag reflex for most young adults… myself included. After hearing the term used Read more…
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I said to a man on his couch in a Tampa apartment. He—then in his late 20′s and interested in me—nodded, and waited for me to say it. I, then in my early 20′s, breathed in before I did: “I’m saving sex for marriage.” I breathed out while he silently processed what I had said. Then Read more…
Many of us have gone through the process of checking event invites on Facebook. And sometimes, there’s an invite to that one party you just don’t want to attend. But, you want something to do Friday night. So, wanting to keep all options open—in case nothing better comes along—you click “maybe attending.” No commitment, no accountability, and if you have Read more…
You’ve probably heard of the Stanford marshmallow experiment. In the ’60s and ’70s, Walter Mischel—then a psychologist at Stanford University—put one preschooler at a time at a desk on which he had placed a bell and a couple marshmallows or other treats equally tough for a kid to resist. “The researcher told each child that he had to leave, but that when he returned, she could Read more…
Meet The Parents Back in “5½ Soul-Crushing Traps To Avoid While Dating” I wrote about selfishness. I’d like to think that article cured the world of it’s selfishness, and we’re one hundred per cent selfless now. But I know that’s not true. I struggle with selfishness every day, and you probably do, too. So we have to keep working on Read more…
A stack of save-the-dates and wedding invitations covers a corner of my desk at home. Within the next eight months, five more of my friends and their significant others will have wed, while I—now nearly 29—will have not. That I might witness all their vows without a date doesn’t bother me at all as I write this. That doesn’t mean that how single I am has Read more…
Challenge time, beautiful ladies of the Lord! In our culture nowadays it seems that it is much easier for us to dress immodestly than modestly. So here’s my challenge… Dress modestly for 30 days. Instagram it with the hashtag #30daymodestychallenge . (Yes… take some selfies. No judgement) Pray about it and see what happens! Question time… Why did I decide Read more…
Even though I am a man, I find it much more difficult to coach men instead of women in the area of love. Learning lessons about love and manhood requires a certain amount of self-reflection. Learning to be a man who loves requires sitting at the cross and learning from the King, who both created us as men and embodied Read more…
Put yourself in Teresa’s place. Here’s this awkward young man who finally managed to ask her out, which obviously took just about the last milligram of his courage. But she’s just started dating him, and now he’s clearly gearing up to ask for something more. What’s it going to be? Finally, he manages to say it: “Could we…um…pray together?” She Read more…
Marc Barns of Bad Catholic recently wrote a post that included his dislike of the phrase “emotional chastity.” I read the article. I read the comments. I thought about commenting. Then I decided to just write an entire post. As someone who gives talks on what one would consider the topic of emotional chastity, I couldn’t help but respond to clarify Read more…
A little over a year ago, my wife and I gave birth to our third child—our first baby girl. While I love each of my children in their own unique way, I will say that having a daughter does something to you as a father. You worry more about your daughter. You feel an increased desire to begin collecting guns Read more…
About a year ago, I traveled with a group of friends to Washington D.C. While there, we decided to visit the National Mall after dusk. We had heard that the area is spectacular with all of the evening night lights a glow. After walking around the pool to the various memorials, we concluded our tour at the Lincoln Memorial. I Read more…
Who doesn’t love Anna of Arendelle? It seems as if the epic tale of Frozen has captured an audience that ranges from age two to senior citizen. There is something about the combination of sacrificial love, passion, rejection, pain and joy that resonates in us… not to mention the songs are pretty catchy. I feel like Anna is so much Read more…
You meet someone new and find him attractive. You wonder if maybe, just maybe, this might be “The One.” You start to look for any sign of affection in their behavior towards you, and become mildly flirtatious in your own behavior. We’ve all been there! There’s no physical contact, no premature declaration of love, nothing obviously inappropriate in your relationship. Read more…
No one can resist a numbered list, right? Every magazine at the supermarket checkout counter is full of numbered lists—The Eight Things Your Man Wishes You Knew About Basketball, or Fourteen Super-foods That Melt the Blues Away. Every Web site that wants high traffic is practically a numbered list of numbered lists—Fifteen Celebrity Hairstyles We Love to Hate, or The Read more…
I smiled at the face on my computer’s screen—a MySpace profile pic of a Christian boy with bright eyes and a bass guitar. He was 21 and part of a band made up of a handful of my friends. I was 19 and had seen enough to come to a quick conclusion: I should date him. We texted and talked, Read more…
Katie’s story I was 17 when I had the life-changing opportunity to experience the program now known as Franciscan LEAD. This was the week I fell in love. This love had a name and a face and was more indescribable than anything I had ever experienced. It was Jesus who captured my heart and became the first Love of my Read more…
“Pray for your future spouse.” It’s a beautiful phrase which often serves as a reminder to entrust everything to God – including our love lives. But more often than not we hear the phrase in the low points of singleness, when we’re encouraged to ask God to bring us the spouse we long for. The problem with that is we Read more…
My phone rang mid-day on a Monday—an unexpected call from a friend in a crisis sparked by a spouse’s newly revealed infidelity. I thought of my friend last week as I read a column on HuffPost Wedding, a request by life coach Lisa Haisha to reconsider monogamy, which is a promise implied by marriage but breached by many-a-spouse. The divorce Read more…
Chastity in marriage? Wait. What? Let’s back up and clear up some misconceptions about chastity… The word “chastity” isn’t synonymous with the word “abstinence”: Within this context, abstinence is defined as refraining from sexual intercourse. Abstinence is an aspect of pre-marital chastity but isn’t the endgame. Chastity runs much deeper by giving us a deep reverence and respect for both Read more…
Once upon a time I was “just friends” with a boy. But when we were together we would hold hands and were rather affectionate—as if we were dating. This is where it might have been handy if someone had brought my attention to the age-old-adage: “Actions speak louder than words.” We’ve all heard it a million times. And if you’re Read more…
A phone call is jarring when in it, your friend divulges the discovery she made of her husband’s infidelity. Of her boyfriend’s big lie. Of her crush’s double life. Or of his wife. Whatever the breach of trust, the result – at first, at least – is devastating. One person’s choice pulls the path out from under somebody else, somebody who didn’t Read more…
If you’ve ever lost your way on the purity front, you’ll no doubt be familiar with that feeling of sitting in the chastity talk at school just wishing the ground would swallow you up. I’ve been there, I know how you feel. For a start, hearing how important it is to protect your virginity can bring back the shame Read more…
My small hand reached across the dollar-store’s shelf. I don’t know if it was the roses or swirly script that caught my eye first. But there it was, a notebook covered in fancy, antique designs. My nine year old heart craved this book. After all, a romantic-looking notebook would be necessary for journaling about crushes, wedding dress designs, and ultimately, Read more…
You know the drill. You’re casually scrolling (mindlessly) through Facebook and then your eyes widen as you think – THEY’RE DATING!? I didn’t even know they were “talking!” You stop for a second and wonder. To “like” or not to “like”? It’s official. Facebook official. Relationships are tough. No doubt about it! Two people attempting to navigate each others’ thoughts, Read more…
Being chaste in today’s world is tough. We are surrounded by a media that says it’s uncool to be a virgin, it’s weird to dress modestly, and it’s outdated to abstain from anything pleasurable. In high school, I had friends who allowed themselves to be objectified and tossed around. Once they were defeated, bruised and heartbroken, they would approach me Read more…
Seriously, I don’t want to write this post. I’ve been avoiding it for weeks. Just writing the wordchastity makes me feel lame. I wish we had a cooler word to convey the same concept, but any synonyms that I can think of sounds equally awkward. And every time I go to put my thoughts down on how to be chaste while Read more…
“I must not be attractive enough.” “I’m too fat.” “If only I were funnier…” Oh, the thoughts that plague the single person’s mind. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy wallowing in singlehood. I’ve exhausted myself trying to figure out why on earth boys wouldn’t ask me out. How could I have so many boy friends, but none of Read more…
I grew up attending Catholic high schools – which meant that I frequently heard chastity presentations as a member of the student body. I’d like to say that I was receptive to the message, but actually I was just the opposite. I recall walking out of a session when I was 16 and I was angry. I didn’t want to Read more…
She is the last thing you think of before you fall asleep and your first thought in the morning… Your heart races when you see him in the hallway… You can’t remember life without each other…. But is it the real thing? Ask yourself the following questions to shed some light on the topic: 1. Are you in love with Read more…
Besides choosing to give Christ my entire heart and life at 18 (after falling in love with Him in the Eucharist), the best decision I ever made was to wait 28 years for the man of my dreams. There were so many times I could’ve settled for a nice Catholic guy who treated me well and bored me to tears. Read more…
My butt hurt. I was sitting on the most uncomfortable bleacher that bleachers have to offer, listening to a guy I didn’t know talk to 1,200 high schoolers about…sex. For a nerdy high school sophomore, this was adolescent awkward at its best. The presenter spoke all about dating, marriage, “true love”, etc. which I tended to tune out at 2:00pm Read more…
I came across a quiz in Seventeen magazine (don’t ask why I was reading it) – asking the question, “Are you ready for sex?” I was intrigued, so I took the quiz. Thankfully, the quiz determined that I was in fact ready. So how did Seventeen magazine determine that I was able and ready to take this step in my Read more…
The most pandemic wound of our world is fatherlessness. Every little girl yearns to be pursued by her father. She desires to be wanted. She asks the questions, Do you delight in me? Am I worth fighting for? Do you want me? Do you see me? Do you value me? Am I beautiful? Am I enough? When these questions are answered through Read more…
There is a strange phenomenon that has happened in our culture, where the elderly, weathered and wise have been labeled as “old” and “obsolete”. We are one of the few cultures in the history of civilization that does not value the elderly for their wisdom. You would think that people would want advice from someone who has been through all Read more…
Several weeks ago I promised you something on the FOCUS Equip blog, and I haven’t forgotten. Below is a list of media that shows love, the way it was intended to be: good, true, and beautiful. Amazingly it does exist, but like any treasure, you have to hunt for it. Because this list is incomplete, please add to it the jewels Read more…
I was at an amusement park with my kids recently, where I observed a guy and a girl holding hands. The couple couldn’t have been older than 15.The girl led the guy up to a booth where the goal was to knock over a stack of bottles with a baseball. If you knock over the bottles, you win a big Read more…
My inbox is flooded daily with questions from young women saying, My boyfriend says that if I really love him, I’ll have sex with him. If I don’t have sex with him, I’m afraid he’ll leave me. If I don’t give him what he wants I’m terrified he’ll cheat on me. My boyfriend looks at porn and it makes me feel like Read more…
Who likes a challenge? Some people really enjoy a daunting dare or being told that something is impossible so they can try it anyway. Well here’s my challenge to you. I want you to go sign up for the next big golf tournament and win it. I won’t accept second or third place – you have to win. Maybe you’ve Read more…
Ah, flirting. That ancient art of trying to get the attention of someone you’re attracted to while trying to prevent oneself from looking like a complete tool. I’ll never forget my friend from kindergarten who thought he would win a girl’s heart by putting all of his toy cars in envelopes and giving them to her each morning as gifts. Read more…
So you’ve met a guy. What do you do next? Act interested? But you don’t want to come on too strong. Ignore him? But then he won’t know you’re alive. Knock him to the ground? No, that only works in first grade. Though I’ve landed quite a catch now (shout out to my wonderful husband, Brian!), I remember it all Read more…
e·van·ge·da·ting 1. Attempting to date a non-Christian of the opposite sex with the intent of converting them to Christ, sharing the Gospel. (UrbanDictionary.com) Scenario 1: Girl meets guy through a mutual friend. He’s handsome, funny, and genuine, but isn’t really interested in God, which is important to girl. Guy asks girl out. She hesitates and thinks “Should I go?” Scenario 2: Guy Read more…
FOCUS missionaries do a lot of crazy things. They fundraise their salaries. They move to wherever they are told throughout the country. They talk to strangers about Jesus. But perhaps one of the most shocking things they do is give up dating for an entire year. That’s right. All first year missionaries fast from romantic relationships for one year. No dating. No Read more…
Maybe you’ve heard the term thrown around at your Newman Center. Maybe you read about it in your bible study. Maybe someone used it as their reason for breaking up with you. Emotional chastity, emotional purity, emotional integrity, emotional virtue, whatever people are calling it these days, has become quite a buzz topic in young adult Catholic circles. But what exactly Read more…
Raise your hand if you have had some form of a conversation based around the topic of whether or not men and women can simply be friends. Yep, I can’t even see you, but I know your hand is raised. We’ve all wondered about it, discussed it with our friends and drawn our own conclusions. Some say, “Yes, of course Read more…
I consciously gave my life to Jesus when I was 14 years old. I didn’t know all there was to know about the faith (still don’t) but I knew a few important things: I shouldn’t steal stuff, I shouldn’t lie, I should go to Church every Sunday, and I should save sex for marriage. So I made a commitment to stay Read more…
One day, a handsome, mysterious stranger walked into the shop where I work and I gave him a job. I had no idea where he had come from or how he found me, but we needed the help and he was willing to work. Over time, despite many obstacles, we fell in love – but then he was discovered with Read more…
I made this blog because a photo of my husband and I has gone viral on the internet. I wanted to share the story behind the photo for the hundreds of thousands of people who found inspiration through this sweet moment we had. The Story Behind the Photo Moments before I was to walk down the aisle my soon to be Read more…
During my years in the sorority, I read a lot of great resources on preparing yourself for finding your future spouse. They were very helpful in the journey to finding the vocation God had for me. There was even a recent post on the FOCUS blog about growing in emotional maturity to set you up for relationship success one day! Read more…
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