I am blessed to be able to go to Adoration every day during my lunch break, as my office is right up the street from my church. I got into this habit last summer, when I was making some pretty significant changes in my life and often felt overwhelmed by these developments. My church, along with the Blessed Sacrament, has been my escape—my respite from the world—for about a year and a half, now.
Recently, I’ve begun noticing something about my time spent in Adoration: I’m always listening for footsteps. Every day, I claim the same pew in the very front. And as I’m kneeling there talking to God, my ears perk up as I notice the sound of the back-door opening; as I hear the sound of shoes on the marble floor. And sometimes, I’ll allow myself to look back.
Naturally, it’s almost always an elderly person, or a mother with her children. I don’t feel disappointment anymore when this is the case, but there is a part of me that hopes the footsteps will stop right at my pew; that I’ll finally come face to face with the man that God has been preparing for me.
I know that this is about as realistic of a dream as a unicorn entering the church, but I can’t stop myself from hoping that my husband and I will find each other one of these days. Honestly, I can’t even count the number of novenas I’ve said, the number of rosaries and Masses I’ve offered, for God to put that person in my life.
When we feel strongly called to a certain vocation, it can be all-consuming. It is particularly challenging to be called to married life, because until you find that person, it may feel as though all you can do in the meantime is wait. Arguably, waiting is one of the hardest things we will ever have to do, because when we really want something, it is only natural to want to be proactive about obtaining that thing or achieving that goal.
The thing about waiting for our future spouses is that, rather than relying upon our own resources to get the love we desire, we are completely dependent upon God’s plan for our lives during this time spent in preparation. Of course, there are steps we can and should take to meet our future spouses if marriage is the vocation to which we feel called—it is important to put ourselves out there; to make good friends who affirm us in the faith; to do the things we love now in order to build up God’s kingdom, and to reach our full potential as His sons or daughters. Still, when we meet our future spouses is totally in God’s hands and is, ultimately, a huge test of faith.
In our society, it often feels as though there is a shortage of faithful, young Catholics. The pool in which we are searching for our future husbands or wives is so small, and I often find myself wondering, Do I even stand a chance of finding him? Sometimes, I wonder whether my many prayers for this intention are even heard, because it feels as though I’ve been waiting and searching forever, when in reality, it’s only been a short amount of time. I think an important point to remember, though, is that throughout history, God has richly rewarded the people who’ve waited on His timing. Just when we are about to give up—just when we reach our breaking point—God grants us the very thing we’ve been longing for. He knows and hears every desire on our hearts, for He is the one who put those desires there.
If God is making you wait for the love you are longing for, know that it is probably necessary for reasons you can’t yet understand. When being alone feels overwhelming and exhausting, turn to Jesus and the Blessed Mother, and ask them to equip you with the graces you need for this state in your life. If you are still searching for the right person, it is because God is not yet through with the plans He has for you as a single man or woman!
I will probably continue to listen for those footsteps in Adoration, but I will do so with the knowledge that God has a plan for me—and that it is much greater and better than anything I could imagine for myself.
Lindsey Todd graduated from West Chester University in 2016 with a B.A. in English, and currently works as a technical writer for Mars, Inc. In her free time, she enjoys creative writing, singing, playing with her dog, reading, and exercising. She also loves art, fashion, and deep political and theological discussion. She has a special devotion to the Blessed Sacrament and a special love for St. Pope John Paul II. Lindsey is passionate about sharing the beauty of pure love with others, particularly as a Catholic writer and as a retreat leader for young women. She currently resides in Bucks County, Pennsylvania with her family.