Finding Him Whom My Soul Loves

I’m in love.

There, I said it.

I’m in love with a man who makes my heart do backflips when he speaks to me, who brings me joy just from knowing he’s near, who makes everything else disappear when I look into his eyes. He is strong and gentle and courageous and humble and bold and selfless all at once. He makes me laugh, he allows me to cry, and he’s as present to me in the silence as in the conversation. He passionately defends my dignity. He surprises me on a daily basis. He understand my thoughts before I say them. He’s unafraid of sharing his emotions, and declares his love with confidence.

With him I am known. I am cherished. I am secure.

I know that he would willingly give up his own life for me… because he did exactly that! This one man who has captured my heart so entirely is the same man who suffered the agony of the cross for me.

“I found Him whom my soul loves. I held him and would not let go.” – Song of Songs, 3:4

For too long I depended on other people to fulfil me, but I’ve realised that they never will! They can’t, but Jesus can—and does! Jesus is the only one who can fulfil you, and he will endlessly keep pursuing you until you accept that. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that finding our own “happily ever after” story will bring us true happiness, but in reality that puts far too much pressure on the person we hope to marry, and is likely to mean we’ll be disappointed further down the line.

The sacrament of marriage is a beautiful sign of the Trinity and of our future glory as the bride of Christ, but it is in no way a replacement for a relationship with Christ Himself. It reflects the love of Jesus, but it can’t match it.

In her wonderful book Spoken For, Alyssa Bethke writes:

“God proved faithful. He knew my heart’s desires but also knew how I needed to let him fill my desires first before he placed anyone else into my life… I had idolized marriage for so long that I needed the Lord to break me from placing it above him. That summer the Lord tore down my idol and revealed that he alone was enough. He was my portion, and I was rich to have him.”

The hard truth is that if you think marriage would satisfy you then you’re not ready for marriage. There’s only one who can satisfy you, and He’s knocking at your door asking you to receive Him. He is everything you need, and so much more than you can even imagine yourself wanting. Once you’ve truly found Him whom your soul loves, marriage becomes an added gift rather than the source of your happiness. Marriage isn’t a reward for successfully waiting during singleness. It’s a vocation which is—or may be—a part of your journey to Heaven, and that’s a journey which you’re already on!

That journey isn’t first and foremost with your (future) spouse, it’s with Jesus. So instead of living in the future and focusing on your hopes for marriage, invest in your relationship with Jesus right now—and allow Him to lavish His love on you in return. Know that He is the one who will satisfy you.

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

Esther-Rich-2-770x1024Esther Rich has a bachelor degree in Psychology from Oxford University, UK, and is currently completing the Sion Community Youth Foundation Year, working on their youth ministry team. She loves Theology of the Body, Papa Francesco and a good worship band. She is passionate about empowering women to be who they were created to be, and blogs at “For Such A Time As This.”


  1. idolizing marriage above God validates how felt about the problem with my failed marriage. i called it making my husband and children above God. To me they were there to take care of All my needs. i didnt figure out my distorted thinking until after i was divorced. my belief structure put a lot of pressure on the relationship.

    By carol | 6 years ago Reply
  2. Beautiful and very enlightning!!!

    By Lou | 6 years ago Reply
  3. awesome! Just what I needed to read.

    By Cristina | 6 years ago Reply
    • and expressed beautifully!

      By Susan Axe | 6 years ago Reply
  4. Thank you… 🙂
    I was bit depressed… 🙂
    You made my day… 🙂 No, He made it through you 🙂
    God bless you dear sister 🙂

    By Matt Pratt | 6 years ago Reply
  5. very well written Esther. Thank you for your great work! God bless, from NZ.

    By Quyen | 6 years ago Reply
  6. Amen. Thank you for this. May God continue to bless and use you as His instrument to share His word.

    By rs | 6 years ago Reply
  7. Thank you for the great article! I needed it 🙂

    By Fran | 6 years ago Reply
  8. You have no idea how I needed to read this.Thanks <3

    By Gabriella | 6 years ago Reply
  9. Just beautiful and what the Lord has been gently telling me recently. You write boldly and truthfully! God has blessed you and thank you for using your talent for His Kingdom. Chastity project is my weekly dose and source of refreshing, honest, wholesome and Godly insight. Thank you. Love from Mumbai

    By Sarah | 6 years ago Reply
  10. GREAT article!! Thank you!! I experienced this same phenomena when I was a Salesian Lay Missionary in Bolivia. I went on a retreat held by nuns and they asked, “What branches do you need to prune in your life?” (Jn 15:2-6) I KNEW that I needed to stop looking for the ideal boyfriend and make JESUS the center of my life. What peace that understanding gave me. May we all make JESUS the center of our lives, as you so BEAUTIFULLY wrote, Esther! God bless you & all you readers. 🙂

    By Maeve Smith | 6 years ago Reply
  11. Thanks so much for your words!! I have read your articles since I found this web site.
    Every time I have a problem or a doubt, or I’m about to make an error, I can providentially – Someone helps!;) – find the solution in your words. In my opinioni, this is your best article! Thank you. God bless you, keep praying for you all.
    Sorry for my poor English, lots of love by Italy!!

    By Mari | 6 years ago Reply
  12. thanks for writing in such a special simple way, so effective in communicating a great truth. I realized that truth a little bit late in my life, but a light came into my heart and I hope to be so effective in communicating this truth to other women looking for love.

    By maria cristina | 6 years ago Reply
  13. I was thinking that i was the only person who cares about Jesus. Some people believe that going to the crurch, getting involved in a catholic community is for dummy people…this article is awesome !! thank you for sharing. God bless you 🙂 🙂 😀

    By Cynthia | 6 years ago Reply
  14. I have been struggling not finding the one person who lights up my life. Your writing turned a light bulb on for me as I realize I was searching on the wrong path.
    Thank You! Bill from Florida

    By Bill | 6 years ago Reply

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