5 Reasons Chastity isn’t just for Virgins


If you’ve ever lost your way on the purity front, you’ll no doubt be familiar with that feeling of sitting in the chastity talk at school just wishing the ground would swallow you up. I’ve been there, I know how you feel.

For a start, hearing how important it is to protect your virginity can bring back the shame of knowing you can’t get yours back. You start to get angry at yourself for making wrong decisions, followed by angry at the speaker for rubbing it in. It’s too hard to hear their optimism about the real beauty of chastity knowing that you haven’t been living that way.

It feels like chastity can’t possibly apply to you—you already messed that one up, it’s too late for you, right? Wrong! Chastity is NOT the same thing as virginity! Virginity is a simple, yes/no matter of biology. Chastity is a LIFESTYLE—one which looks to the future rather than the past, and can be chosen at any point, regardless of what’s happened before

“When you decide firmly to lead a clean life, chastity will not be a burden on you: it will be a crown of triumph.” St Josemaria Escriva

So, here are 5 reasons that choosing chastity DOESN’T depend on whether you’re a virgin…

1.    The Lost Sheep. Even when you’ve stopped making your boyfriend or girlfriend pursue you emotionally by making the relationship too physical, Jesus is still pursuing you – whether you know it or not. He will NEVER give up on you.

 2.    The Prodigal Son. It’s so easy to be intimidated by people who have been ‘successful’ in retaining their virginity, or to feel inferior to them. But your Father doesn’t love you any less than them. He is just waiting to welcome you back to Him with open arms!

3.    The Cross. Jesus sacrificed his life to take away your sins. Not just for humanity, but for YOU personally. 2000 years before you even existed He made your pain His pain, and He wants to do the same today. Our God isn’t a tyrant, He’s a God of mercy, forgiveness and abundant grace.

4.    The Fall of Adam and Eve. When Adam and Eve chose the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge over their relationship with God, they allowed sin to enter into human nature. For that reason, we’ve all sinned. I’m not going to pretend that it doesn’t break God’s heart a little every time one of His children slips up, but He knows it happens, which leads us into…

5.    The Sacrament of Reconciliation. The beautiful thing about Confession is that, by the grace of God, your sins are completely absolved. When you’re truly repentant about your sin, God makes it like it never happened. He can take away your past mistakes, your guilt and your shame—meaning it’s NEVER too late to repent and start afresh. The choice to leave behind your unchaste past and live chastely in the future can be made at any time.

When you eventually meet your future spouse, sure you’ll have to have the conversation where you explain your history, but that can either be along the lines of “After I gave in once I didn’t see any way back, so I kept giving in”, or it can go a little more like this: “I made a mistake in not waiting for you, I know that now, but I’m not that person anymore. From X point on I decided that you were worth more than my old way of life.”

As Jason Evert said: “Don’t be afraid that a good guy wouldn’t love you because of your past. If he defines you by your past, he isn’t that good a guy.”

Have you made a decision you regret? Take it to the cross, leave it there, and start again today. Reconciliation really can lift that weight you’ve been carrying around.


imgassd Esther Rich is in her final year studying Psychology at Oxford University, UK. She loves Theology of the Body, Papa Francesco and a good worship band. She is passionate about empowering women to be who they were created to be, and blogs at “For Such A Time As This.”




  1. That was beautiful. Thanks for posting it.

    By K T Cat | 7 years ago Reply
  2. Thank you, Esther! I taught high school for 20 years and still have a heart for kids and the struggles they face. Praying that all of us as a society would turn to good reads like this as opposed to celebrity gossip and dramatized ‘news’.
    May God bless you and your ministry.

    By David Baldner | 7 years ago Reply
  3. Thank you for this post. Means the world to me.

    By janique | 7 years ago Reply
  4. Actually Virginity has to do with more than just the body. Remember we are BODY + SOUL. This is the reason why virginity has to do with our soul as well (or heart). Furthermore, in Christ it is possible to heal your brokenness and HE CAN and WILL restore your virginity. As Katrina Zeno (my spiritual mother and the one who introduced me to TOB), virginity is the state when you are available for UNION (body and soul ready to be given totally as a sincere gift of self). This is THE GOOD news for broken boys and girls, if you let Him heal you, you will be not only healed but RESTORED! That is why TOB saved my life, because I was able to kneel and ask Christ to restore my virginity. And He’s been working wonders in me!

    By Cecilia Gonzalez | 7 years ago Reply
    • While the sentiment is nice, the reality is that you cannot restore your virginity. What you are stating is the concept of purity, which can be restored. Virginity, as a specific term in the English vocabulary, has to more with a physical reality: Have you or have you not engaged in sexual activity.
      Of course a person can be healed and restored, but you can’t undo what has been done. If you have been sexually active, you are no longer a virgin and never will be. You can have a restored heart and pure soul though.

      By Catherine | 7 years ago Reply
  5. Much appreciated post. This is awesome! Words many souls yearn to hear!

    By Britainy Bruce | 7 years ago Reply
  6. Beautifully put!! I had the past life of mistakes and have been waiting for that Godly man…. Gods timing is perfect and I will wait for him and praying for my future chaste spouses

    By Chrissy | 7 years ago Reply
  7. Luke 14:26 | Isaiah 45:7 | Psalms 137:9 | Hosea 13:16 | Luke 19:27

    Christianity makes people feel bad for being themselves. I don’t understand how you could stand there, as bold as brass, telling people that they’re wrong for doing what GOD had ALREADY KNEW they would do, and also making them feel bad for acting the very same way that GOD MADE THEM.

    In addition to that, the premise of the religion starts with the belief that just by virtue of the way you are, you are NOT WORTHY of God (who you perceive as the ultimate authority) just for BEING BORN (original sin). Now that is really not a nice thing to tell anyone.

    One’s sexuality is completely up to them. And when you start telling girls that they are no longer ‘pure’ because they chose to have sex (something they most likely wanted to do themselves), its not only damaging to the human psyche, but it’s IMMORAL.

    The god you believe in is a construction of an omnipotent being as you envision in your own head, according to your own morals. There’s nothing supernatural about your beliefs. The sooner you learn to open your mind and start learning about everything else this diverse world contains, the nicer person you’ll become. You’ll stop judging people all the damn time and telling them that they ‘deserve hell’.

    And if you actually thought a little bit harder and did some deeper introspection into the ‘omnipotence’ of your god, you’d ask yourself if he’s able to make something so heavy that he himself cannot lift up. Once you find out that you cannot answer that question, you’ll find out that omnipotence does not exist.

    Get out of religion. Rather love your family and friends first, before you love any pseudo god that is described in a book written by a bunch of men who hated women (1 Corinthians 14:34-35, 1 Timothy 2:11-12, Ephesians 5:22, 1 Corinthians 11:1-16, Exodus 21:1-11, Deuteronomy 22:28-29)

    By Jesus Christ | 7 years ago Reply
    • Yours is the most judgmental post on this entire page, and it obviously comes from a lack of understanding about what the Catholic Church actually teaches.

      Denying man’s broken nature (Original Sin) is to deny our need for Christ.

      Yes, we as Catholics tell people they are broken. Wouldn’t you do the same if you loved someone? If your mother, father, brother, sister, son, daughter, best friend, etc. was making bad choices, would you stand by and tell them it was okay?

      By Bryan | 7 years ago Reply
  8. Thank you (with all my heart) for this post.

    By Lourdes | 7 years ago Reply

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