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Store aisles are overstocked with giant teddy bears, exquisite rose bouquets, and LOTS of chocolate.  Valentine’s Day is here and our consumerist culture wants you to know it!

Single or not, there are things you can do this Valentine’s Day for the Valentine that truly matters—the one that will stand, sit, and lay by your side until death brings you apart.

Here are 14 things you can do for you and your future spouse this Valentine’s day!

1. Let yourself be loved! Read through this reflection attributed to St. Anthony of Padua and let it permeate into your heart. Work on allowing yourself to truly be satisfied with yourself and your relationship with the Lord.

2. Pray a Rosary for your future marriage, family, and for the purity of you and your future spouse. End the Rosary with this beautiful prayer to St. Raphael.

3. Write a love letter to God. Include your feelings on discernment and hopes for your future spouse/vocation.

4. Share love. Write an encouraging and honest messages to your friends!

5. Learn to sacrifice. Give up something for the sake of your future spouse and family (such as a meal, meat, sweets, coffee, technology—it can be something small or large, just make it meaningful.) Instead of having a pitty party when seeing “cute, couple things,” joyfully give up that temporary feeling of sadness or loneliness for someone who needs prayer that day—let our Blessed Mother use that prayer for someone she knows needs it!

6. Learn to love yourself. Ask God to reveal to you all the things He loves about you. Write them down along with a message of encouragement to yourself and read them in times of loneliness or inadequacy throughout the year.

7. Learn something new and have some laughs! Get a group of friends together to learn how to partner dance (it can be swing, salsa—just get those feet moving!)

8. Learn to give yourself. Perform three charitable acts for people you may not know very well (this can be opening a door, asking how someone is doing, or saying an encouraging or kind word to somebody.)

9. Read the section in the Catechism about Chastity, Vocation, and Marriage then read the section on the Wedding Banquet of Bridegroom (Christ) to us, His Bride (The Church)—read about the Eucharist and the Mass.

10. Order your desires towards their intended, ultimate end. If you struggle with any habitual sexual sin (such as pornography or masturbation) meet with a Spiritual Director to start creating a plan to overcome it.

11. Focus on removing your wounds and sexual addiction so you can overcome sin and be able to give yourself TOTALLY to your future spouse. Let your vocation be your motivation!

12. Go to Mass and ask St. Valentine for His intercession through the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass with the intention that you and your future spouse can be prepared for your Vocation.

13. Read Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 13!

14. Watch a Theology of the Body talk with some friends (or a special someone.) Suggestions? Jason Evert or Christopher West!

15. Do what sets your soul on fire! Do you love to play a sport, dance, write, sing, dance, paint? Enjoy your time and glorify God through your talents on this day and every day of your life.

If you are in a relationship this Valentine’s Day,  remember to cherish, and appreciate your significant other, not just today, but every day. Create goals on how to keep Christ as the center of your relationship. Remember how you would want your future spouse to be respected and treated before they are put into your life, and treat your significant other in the same way.

If you are single this Valentine’s Day see this time as a gift! Grow in friendship, grow in who God made you to be, and (more importantly) grow in relationship with Christ.

You are loved more than you will ever know by someone who died to know YOU. (See Romans 5:8)

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Veronica Macias is a guest writer for Lifeteen. Veronica is currently studying Theology and Psychology at Ave Maria University. A native of Miami, Florida, she hopes to turn the tide against the Culture of Death by helping eliminate the Hook-Up Culture. She blogs at veromacias.com.

Today during my hour of cardio at the YMCA I couldn’t help but laugh at the TV screen as it played a new episode of The Bachelorette. Viewers get a sneak peak of a glamorous dating life. A gorgeous woman has the opportunity to date 15 attractive, successful men all at once! And she gets to kiss them too—every girl’s dream right?

So here I am listening to Drake on the highest level of the elliptical, sweating, and laughing at the five different men’s reactions after kissing the same girl. This show is just another medium to fill our minds with lies about dating.

Not all of us can sign up for a TV show set to find our “perfect half.”

Wait, so what’s the problem with modern-day dating?

Well, no one is really “dating.” People enter relationships after months of “talking” (aka sending unclear messages that try to put on a confident front, when the reality is the person has no idea what they are feeling or doing).

No one is actually going on dates. We are investing our emotions into a phone screen instead of people. We resort to online dating or dating apps because we don’t want to pursue someone face-to-face.

Instead of fantasizing about that mutual friend you barely know, why not remember all the tangible and compatible potential partners that surround you?  Many of the best relationships begin with the best friendships. One of your close friends you may not “see that way” right now, just may be the most compatible person for you.

Society has fostered a negative perception about going on dates when they are supposed to be a fun way to get to know someone and sense the one-on-one dynamic with another person. Going out on a date doesn’t mean you’re signing your name in blood.

The media distorts authentic dating by using shows like The Bachelorette, which brainwash us to think that dating means finding the perfect person who has all the qualities we ever wanted and nothing else.

Dating is not a custom bowl made to order from Chipotle—it’s seeing a person for their whole self, choosing to appreciate their qualities, and accept their faults. Technology has instilled in us an expectation of immediate satisfaction. We have become accustomed to editing and filtering our lives on Instagram, but we can’t “edit” our significant others or even ourselves. A genuine relationship cannot be shared with a person you only know on your phone screen.

When it comes to dating, attraction is important, but isn’t a stable foundation. Being attracted to someone isn’t enough to carry a relationship. No one wants to invest their time or emotions into something that is inauthentic and purposeless.

If you’re in a relationship, ask yourself; Is your relationship helping you become a better person? Helping you expand in knowledge? Helping you grow in faith?  If not, I encourage you to look more deeply into why you are in a relationship with that person. At the end of the day, your relationship will either evolve into a marriage, or diminish into a breakup.

It’s great to have high standards, but be realistic. Don’t forget those around you, and be courageous, because dating requires initiative and effort (from both sides.)

Society has fostered an untrustworthy feeling and fear of the other gender. Fear of rejection. Fear of the friend zone. Fear of heartbreak. Fear of ruining the friendship. Fear of judgement. Some of the greatest things in this world started as fear, so don’t let fear paralyze you, and stop you from taking a step into what could be a great conversation, friendship, or relationship.

This journey of dating and marriage is all about becoming the best version of yourself as you see the best in another person. In the end, there is somebody for everyone who is called to the vocation of marriage (which is pretty awesome if you ask me.)

Look up from your phone screen, and look at the possibilities that surround you—not just romantic relationships, but fruitful friendships.

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Veronica Macias is a guest writer for Lifeteen. Veronica is currently studying Theology and Psychology at Ave Maria University. A native of Miami, Florida, she hopes to turn the tide against the Culture of Death by helping eliminate the Hook-Up Culture. She blogs at veromacias.com.

I have found that chastity doesn’t work for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always tried and wanted to be a good guy. In high school I wrestled with disordered sexual desires; I didn’t want them, but they were a challenge for me. In my late teens, I heard a great chastity talk and wanted to put it more into practice, but it was not as simple as just willing to be pure. In college I encountered Pope Saint John Paul II’s Theology of the Body for the first time, and it was of further inspiration and help. Nonetheless, I was not the man of integrity I wanted to be.

Somewhere in the years that followed I discovered that chastity doesn’t work for me. My approach to chastity was self-improvement. I wanted to be better than someone ruled by his desires, a slave to my passions. I wanted to be a saint, and I focused on myself, on combating my sins, on conquering my desires. … I believe this was a mistake.

St. Thomas Aquinas defines love as willing the good of another. I failed to focus on love as the answer. Chastity doesn’t work for us, it works when focused on the other. Chastity didn’t work for me as a self-help program; it needed to be focused on doing what was best for others—out of love for them.

It meant rather than trying not to use girls, I should have been focused on praying for them and encouraging them to be saints. It meant rather than trying not to lust after ladies I found attractive in real life or portrayed in media, I needed to see them with God’s eyes, with love. It meant rather than trying to stop abusing my sexuality, I needed to discover what a gift it was and the power it has to call me to selfless love, just as Christ gave up his life for us.

Approaching my tenth wedding anniversary to a bride that is an absolute gift from God in my life, with two miraculous children that teach me the meaning of love each day, and spending my career in service of Christ and his Church, I still do not have things all sorted out. I still struggle with temptations and desires that I do not want. However, by the grace of God, the more I shift from being self-focused to lovingly other-focused the better chastity “works” for me.

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Anthony Digmann is a Catholic husband and father serving the Church as an author, speaker, high school theology teacher, and video producer. He is the author of Sign of Contradiction: Contraception, Family Planning, and Catholicism (One More Soul, 2015). Anthony’s education includes a MA in Theology and BA in Religious Studies and Electronic Media with a minor in Ethics. Visit his webpage at anthonydigmann.com.

Hoje em dia, quando as pessoas pensam de dança, eles podem assumir que a prática é incompatível com a virtude da castidade. Enquanto isso é obviamente verdadeiro de algumas formas de dança, às vezes vejo artigos sobre a utilidade de danças em casal como swing ou valsa para o desenvolvimento de castidade. Quando leio esses artigos normalmente estou desapontado, não porque a dança é ruim, mas porque dizer que dançar é útil não é justo o suficiente. Eu tenho sido católico durante a vida toda, e eu tenho diligentemente aprendido sobre a minha fé n maioria desse tempo. No entanto, eu cresci mais – muita vezes mais – na castidade em apenas meu primeiro ano de dança do que eu tinha nos últimos 30 anos de formação católica como leigo. Esse crescimento tem continuado a cada momento do meu desenvolvimento dança, e além disso a minha fé se aprofundou tremendamente.

Ultimamente vemos que quando alguém pergunta “o quão longe é longe demais?”, eles geralmente têm a intençao errada – a de buscar seu próprio prazer à custa de outra pessoa. Em vez disso, precisamos amar a buscar o bem do outro sobre o seu próprio. Mas o que nós muitas vezes não conseguimos fazer é o que dança ensina com grande precisão, é “o que devo fazer?” para expressar perfeitamente esse amor.

A dança nos ensina como amar com nossos corpos através da multiplicidade de técnicas muito precisas que podem transformar um abraço comum em uma troca requintada de bênçãos. Quando aprendi a dançar eu fazia contato físico com alguém do sexo oposto de uma forma altamente definido, estruturado. Eu aprendi exatamente onde eu estava e não estava autorizado a fazer contato e quando isso deveria acontecer. Dança incutiu limites adequados para o meu corpo. Treinou meu corpo para ouvir o corpo de uma mulher de uma forma cortês e para atender suas necessidades, confiando que ela iria atender as minhas. Eu fui afirmado constantemente e de forma consistente para estes bons e amorosos comportamentos. Quando as mulheres começaram a me cumprimentar por minha dança, eu só assumia que elas estavam sendo gentis; mas depois de meses de elogios que eu percebi que elas realmente queriam dizer isso! Fora desta estrutura floresceu uma espontaneidade madura – uma liberdade fundamentada na responsabilidade. E essas virtudes não precisam ficar na pista de dança – nós podemos trazê-las para a nossa vida romântica.

O parceiro de dança também aprofunda nossa compreensão da fé. O mistério que S. João Paulo II chama de Teologia do Corpo era conhecido por muitos outros, incluindo São João da Cruz e C. S. Lewis. Lewis viu que a dança é uma estilização do namoro. Sua tríplice relação de líder, seguidor e música cria vívidos, dinâmicos símbolos do Pai, Filho e Espírito. É por esta razão que eu falo de uma Teologia da Dança – o falar (logos) sobre Deus (Theos) usando dança, uma forma de arte que consiste de uma trindade. Na compreensão de como se relacionar de dança nós penetramos no mistério do ser masculino e feminino à imagem e semelhança de Deus. São João da Cruz falava sobre a vida espiritual com amor poesia, usando tinta e papel, mas com a dança que escrevemos com os próprios corpos e espíritos do homem e da mulher, a vida, coroa da criação.

É importante para nós ensinar danças de casal na Igreja porque quando há o suficiente de pessoas dançando, isso muda uma cultura, e torna não só mais casto mas também integra comunidades. Você não precisa se tornar Fred Astaire ou Ginger Rogers para que isso aconteça – apenas um pouco de habilidade para a dança faz uma grande diferença. Nem precisa de grande talento, algumas das minhas parceiras favoritas para dançar são as aquelas com menos talento, mas que trabalharam duro. Não fique para baixo se na primeira você não conseguir – tentei várias vezes ao longo de cinco anos antes de encontrar um bom estúdio. Mas é assim que vale a pena – para si mesmo e para aqueles com quem você dançar. Que Deus o abençoe, e vejo você na pista de dança!

[O tradutor pede, cordialmente, uma Ave Maria em intercessão por sua vocação.]

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Ex-seminarista, engenheiro e professor, Matt Mordini aprendeu a dançar em 2009 e nunca mais parou. De dia ele é um comedido assistente de varejo; à noite ele é um dançarino ávido e competidor, assim como “o cara da Teologia da Dança”, que ensina as pessoas sobre a Teologia do Corpo e discipulado intencional. Matt leciona na região de Chicago e também tem se apresentado por todo o país. Ele pode ser contactado através do site da Teologia da Dança, www.theologyofdance.org.

O amor é algo já pronto, automático, algo que temos apenas que dar o play? Será que um rapaz ou uma garota sempre tem as melhores intenções no coração?

Acho que sabemos a resposta para essas questões – encontrar um amor autêntico é normalmente um processo bagunçado e complicado.

O título deste blog é baseado em São João Paulo II, que usou essa mesma frase no início do seu famoso livro, Amor e Responsabilidade: “Com base na ética cristã nascida do Evangelho, existe um problema, que pode ser descrito como uma ‘introdução do amor no amor’”.

O primeiro “Amor” refere-se ao grande mandamento de Jesus – que amemos como Ele ama, ao ponto de morrer para nós mesmos e sacrificarnos pelo bem do outro (Jo 15,12-13); e a palavra grega que Jesus usa aqui para o amor é agape, que significa um amor divino, de total doação si mesmo – não um amor interesseiro ou egoísta. O segundo “amor” na citação acima refere-se àquele que decorre de nossa pulsão sexual – que não é ruim em si mesmo, mas é algo que inicialmente responde a uma ordem menor de amor, que flui de nossa percepção do apelo sexual do outro. E a palavra grega que denota esse amor é eros (daí, “erótico”).

A grande tarefa, então, é introduzir o “Amor” (agape) no “amor” (eros). A visão da Igreja não é a supressão do eros – não a supressão do romântico e erótico -, mas a permeação completa do eros com agape. E isso é realmente um pré-requisito para o pleno florescimento do amor: pois somos pessoas dotadas de corpos. Isto é, temos o que João Paulo II chama de “valores sexuais” (nosso apelo sexual físico, assim como nosso charme e fascínio masculino ou feminino); mas esses valores sexuais não esgotam nossa dignidade enquanto pessoas. Assim, o problema com eros existindo por conta própria é que o amadurecimento do amor muitas vezes congela ali mesmo; ou seja, o nosso amor nunca se aprofunda além da atração física e emocional – nunca ultrapassamos os “valores sexuais” do outro.

Mas se permitimos que o eros seja integrado no contexto do agape, então nossa apreciação e mesmo atração pelos valores sexuais do outro não é diminuída, mas integrada no contexto de toda a pessoa. Isso permite que um amor mais completo se desenvolva – na verdade, é a única maneira pela qual o amor verdadeiro pode se desenvolver. Pois o amor não é meramente a união de dois corpos, nem mesmo simplesmente um vínculo emocional entre duas pessoas. O amor é antes de tudo um ato implacável da vontade ordenada ao bem objetivo do outro. Aqui, o amor verdadeiro deve muitas vezes subir ao desafio de ter a força de dizer “não” ao eros quando ele entra em conflito com o agape completo. Na verdade, aqui mesmo o verdadeiro amor é muitas vezes testado e manifestado: se alguém está disposto a fazer esse sacrifício por você, o que ele não poderia fazer por você? E se ele não está disposto a dar tudo para você aqui, então o que isso diz sobre a profundidade de seu amor?

Em Amor e Responsabilidade, João Paulo II diz que o impulso sexual tem uma orientação natural para se transformar em amor; mas não é capaz de fazer isso por conta própria. Temos uma imensa dignidade como pessoas, mas com essa dignidade vem a grande responsabilidade de amar (daí o título) – não meramente de uma maneira automatizada que simplesmente reage a estímulos externos, mas de uma maneira verdadeiramente pessoal. O verdadeiro amor – digno da pessoa – é um grande ato da vontade, uma escolha para agir pelo bem do outro. E somente com este grande ato da vontade nosso amor alcança um nível plenamente humano e pessoal. Aqui, nós temos a “introdução do Amor no amor”. E se eu posso falar por experiência, o amor agape não diminui o romântico e erótico, mas na verdade o aperfeiçoa até um ponto que a “cultura do ficar” não poderia compreender.

[O tradutor pede, cordialmente, uma Ave Maria em intercessão por sua vocação.]

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Andrew Swafford é Professor Associado no Theology at Benedictine College. Entre suas publicações estão Spiritual Survival in the Modern World: Insights from C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters e John Paul II to Aristotle and Back Again: A Christian Philosophy of Life. Ele e sua esposa, Sarah, vivem com suas quarto crianças em Atchison, KS.

St. Philomena was only 13 years old when she defied and was killed by the most powerful man in the world, Roman Emperor Diocletian. What could be so offensive about a gentle, meek teenage princess? St. Philomena simply refused to break her vow of virginity to the Lord and marry Diocletian. Because of her stubborn faith, she was imprisoned, tortured, and killed.

St. Philomena’s courageous story is a parallel to our lives as teenagers today. Every time we vow anything to the Lord, we must be prepared to face opposition, just as St. Philomena did.

Born in Greece just before the fourth century, Philomena was the only child of a prince and princess who had recently converted to Christianity. Growing up a princess and dearly loved by her parents, she lived a life of luxury and comfort. Always strong in her faith, she vowed her life to Jesus at a young age. When she was just 13 years old, her parents traveled to Rome in an effort to stop a pending attack on their homeland. There, they met with Emperor Diocletian, who promised them safety on one condition: he wanted Philomena as his wife. Philomena’s parents were devastated, but knew they had no choice but to hand their beloved daughter over to the most powerful man in the world. Despite her parents’ pleas to give into the Emperor and avoid certain death, Philomena stood by her promise to God. Diocletian immediately ordered Philomena to be shackled and imprisoned until she conformed to his wishes. During her imprisonment, Our Lady appeared to her, holding the Infant Jesus in her arms, encouraging the young girl to be strong and preparing Philomena for the tortures to come.

Our Lord intervened several times on St Philomena’s behalf, performing miraculous healings and events while she was in the clutches of Diocletian.

St. Philomena stood by her promise even when faced with horrific pain and a mighty emperor who was determined to break her. We too are asked to stand by our promise to Jesus when the world tries to make us conform to its ways. In order to do this, we must ask for the grace of God to fill our hearts and be our daily strength.

St. Philomena is called “Powerful with God” because nothing is refused through her intercession. Her holy stubbornness makes her a steadfast saint to look to for courage and bravery in the face of great adversity. She will obtain for us the graces we need and stand by us in the hardest of times, especially when our purity is threatened.

Embracing purity is just as hard for teenagers now as it was for St. Philomena in the early days of the Church. The attack on purity we face is as great and as strong as Emperor Diocletian was. However, when we stand for what we believe in, we don’t stand alone. Even in the midst of her tortures, St. Philomena was visited by Our Lady and was healed by angels. She was never left alone by God. In the same way, He stands with us when we are faced with persecution. St. Philomena’s story proves that purity is worth suffering and even dying for. It is a precious gift from God, one that we should protect and value.

St. Philomena, Powerful with God, pray for us!

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Teen author, Courtney Lee has captivated people ages eight to eighty with the publication of her first book, St. Philomena: The Story of a Stubborn Little Princess. A senior in high school, Courtney is currently working on a companion book to St. Philomena as well as a Catholic romance novel, hoping to have them both published before starting college in fall 2016 at Franciscan University. Read more about Courtney and her book here.

Nowadays, when people think of dancing, they might assume that the practice is irreconcilable with the virtue of chastity. While this is obviously true of some forms of dancing, I sometimes see articles on the usefulness of partner dances such as swing or waltz for developing chastity. When I read these articles I am usually disappointed, not because dancing is bad, but because calling dancing useful does not do it nearly enough justice. I’ve been a lifelong Catholic, and I have been diligently learning about my faith for most of that time. Yet, I grew more in chastity in just my first year of dancing than I had in the previous 30 years of Catholic lay formation combined—many times more. That growth has continued every moment of my dance development, and in addition my faith has deepened tremendously.

For a while now we’ve understood that when someone asks “how far is too far?” they usually have the wrong attitude—one of seeking their own pleasure at the expense of someone else. Instead they need to love—to seek the other’s good over their own. But what we have too often failed to do, and what dance teaches with great precision, is “what should I do?” to perfectly express this love.

Dance teaches us the “how” of loving with our bodies through the multitude of very precise techniques that can turn an average hug into an exquisite exchange of blessing. When I learned to dance I was in physical contact with someone of the opposite sex in a highly defined, structured way. I learned exactly where I was and was not allowed to make contact and when this was supposed to happen. Dance instilled proper boundaries into my body. It trained my body to listen to a woman’s body in a complimentary way, and to meet her needs, trusting that she would meet mine. I was constantly and consistently affirmed for these good and loving behaviors. When women first began to compliment me on my dancing, I just assumed they were being nice; but after months of compliments I realized that they really meant it! Out of this structure blossomed a mature spontaneity—a freedom grounded in responsibility. And these virtues do not need stay on the dance floor—we can bring them into our romantic life.

Partner dance also deepens our understanding of the faith. The mystery that St. John Paul II called the Theology of the Body was known to many others, including St. John of the Cross and C.S. Lewis. Lewis saw that dance is a stylization of courtship. Its three-part relationship of leader, follower and music create living, moving symbols of the Father, Son and Spirit. It’s for this reason I speak of a Theology of Dance—to talk (logos) about God (Theos) using dance, an art form that consist of a trinity. In understanding how to relate in dance we penetrate the mystery of being male and female in the image and likeness of God. St. John of the Cross would talk about the spiritual life with love poetry, using ink and paper, but with dance we write with the very bodies and spirits of man and woman, the living, breathing crown of creation.

It’s important for us to teach partner dancing in the Church because when you get enough people dancing, it changes a culture, and makes it not only more chaste but also integrates communities. You don’t need to become Fred Astaire or Ginger Rogers to make that happen—just a little ability to dance makes a big difference. Nor do you need great talent—some of my favorite women to dance with are the ones with less talent but who have worked hard. Don’t get down if at first you don’t succeed—I tried several times over five years before I found a good studio. But it is so worth it—for yourself and for those you dance with. Many blessings, and see you on the dance floor!

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A former seminarian, engineer and teacher, Matt Mordini discovered how to dance in 2009 and has never looked back. By day he’s a mild mannered retail associate; by night he’s an avid social dancer and competitor as well as that “Theology of Dance Guy” who trains people in the Theology of the Body and intentional discipleship. Matt teaches in the Chicago area and has also presented around the country. He can be reached through the Theology of Dance website at www.theologyofdance.org.

I never thought having premarital sex was okay. I went to Catholic school for 12 years, heard chastity talks, pledged my virginity to God and my future spouse on several occasions, and was a leader in a chastity club. I went on a chastity trip with my mom and two aunts on my 16^th birthday. I am the poster child for “it was not supposed to happen to me.”

I wanted nothing more than to marry my boyfriend of two years. Although he did not share my beliefs, he knew how firmly I believed in saving sex for marriage. He was not ready to get married, so I did something I was not ready to do as a compromise—or because I loved him, or because I was tired of fighting the good fight, or because I just wanted to have sex. I will never forget after we slept together the first time. He immediately said it was the best day of his life. I immediately cried because it was the worst day of mine. We continued to date and struggle with chastity for three more long years. After all, the battle only gets harder once you’ve crossed the line. Eventually, we broke up for good.

Now this is usually the part of a chastity story where a magic moment happens, the writer turns their life around and lives chastipply (chastely+happily) ever after. There was no magic moment, no one person, event, or any one day that my life turned around. It was, and is, a long battle. I still fall, I still kiss boys I should not kiss, and I still do not always date the right guys. I am still a sinner and always will be.

With each new fall it is easy to give up and stop fighting. After all, society tells me that claiming to want chastity and still making mistakes makes me a hypocrite. For me, chastity is a daily battle. Here is what I have learned along the way.

1.       I need to date a guy who shares my beliefs. Several guys have told me that they don’t mind not having sex until marriage. But that’s not enough. It’s not enough to find a guy who is willing to abstain if I require it of him. I know I’ll probably fall unless he wants chastity as much as I do.

2.       I wasted a fair amount of time looking back and asking “why oh why did I mess up so badly when I knew better?” Although I did learn some things about myself and got to use all of my company-offered free counseling sessions, chastity really came down to the basics: Chastity is about love, and not expressing physical union until that union exists in reality (marriage). It’s about sacrificing momentary pleasure now so that I can more freely give of myself in a lifelong commitment of love.

3.       Pick good friends! I have found that the best way to find joy in my singleness is to have as many awesome Catholic girlfriends as possible. I am lucky enough to have five accountability partners who I adore and admire, not just because they are also trying to practice chastity, but because they have amazing careers, passions, and a sense of adventure.

4.       It is ok to have guy friends. Also, if you remain pure with a boyfriend, it’s much easier to be friends after the breakup.

5.       LIFE IS ABOUT MORE THAN SEX!!!!   Focus on the million other things and keep your mind, body and soul focused on healthier outlets. My dream was to learn to sail. I did it.

Bottom line…do the best you can every day. Repent and confess when you fall but DON’T GIVE UP! It is never too late to start again.

In a society that equates masculinity to number of sexual partners, I felt that I would be labeled as less of a man if I admitted that I was a virgin. Despite my anxiety, I still felt that saving sex for marriage was the right thing to do. I had learned about the virtue of chastity through the years, but deep down I still felt the tug from society to succumb to premarital sex and it reached a boiling point during my time in college.

I arrived at college in 2008. It was the first time that I had been confronted by promiscuity on a daily basis. My very first weekend at college, I realized that the main reason many guys went to parties was simply to “hook up” with a girl. While at one house party, I can remember a friend urging me: “Go talk to her,” pointing at a girl, “you probably wouldn’t have to work too hard to get her in your bed tonight.” I laughed, and tried to act cool but in my head I was thinking: “I don’t even know her name! I’m not going to kiss her let alone try to get her in my bed.” And this wasn’t an isolated incident… this routine played out frequently during my first couple years of college. The thing was, no matter how many girls I talked to or danced with, I just couldn’t shake the pit in my stomach whenever I thought about pushing it further. So I would go to a party, hang out with my friends, maybe dance with a girl, and then I would go home. Alone.

My friends probably thought I had no “game” but early on I realized that what I was searching for could not be found at a party. I wanted to find a woman who I could share my whole life with, not just my body. I didn’t want to live out Hollywood’s version of the male fantasy of endless no-strings-attached sex; I wanted to be the knight in shining armor.

And so I struggled through the clash of culture and conscience. I searched for women who could see through the lie of hook ups and one night stands—but it was difficult to find and tempting to ignore. I was starting to question whether I was wrong, whether the ideals I had in my head were even possible in today’s world. Maybe I was just as naïve as society painted those who pursue chastity?

Finally at the end of my junior year I met Jennifer, the woman who would eventually become my wife. From the moment I met her I knew there was something different about her. We were truly committed to chastity and we were in it together. As with most things in life, it was much easier for us to handle this challenge with a teammate who had the same goal.

Many of my friends still thought it was odd that Jennifer and I had never had sex after dating for three years. We had learned to express our love in other ways. I sent her hand written letters, brought her flowers for no special occasion, and planned dates that didn’t have any expectations attached. She knew that when I performed random acts of kindness I wasn’t doing it because I wanted to get her in bed, but because I loved her and simply wanted to make her happy.

Physical temptation will always exist whether you are single or married, but it takes a courageous man to save sex for marriage. Giving in to every sexual desire will leave you hungry for something deeper and more substantial. I have heard it from friends. One of my best friends once told me: “after I have sex with a girl, I feel dirty and when I go home that night. I feel something tugging on me that there is something more out there.” If you take charge of your desires and learn to channel them, you will end up with something beautiful, something that humans crave—true love.

Jennifer and I got married at the end of June 2014. I was glad that I could give myself freely, openly, without shame or memories of past experiences, and that we waited for the sacrament of matrimony to make us one. As we fell asleep on our wedding night Jennifer whispered in my ear “thank you for waiting for me.” Hearing those six words were worth more than any pleasure that the world could offer.

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Jeff Swierzbinski attended the University of Delaware and graduated with a Bachelors Degree in Political Science as well as Sociology. He is an active duty Army Officer stationed at Ft. Bragg, North Carolina where he lives with his wife, Jennifer.

Challenge time, beautiful ladies of the Lord! In our culture nowadays it seems that it is much easier for us to dress immodestly than modestly. So here’s my challenge…

Dress modestly for 30 days.

Instagram it with the hashtag #30daymodestychallenge . (Yes… take some selfies. No judgement)

Pray about it and see what happens!

Question time… Why did I decide to take this challenge on?

A. During the hot months of summer I have noticed my desire to wear clothing that is not as modest because of convenience, but I want to change that thinking around! For me… I want to not only respect myself but I want to respect those around me! This is what modest dressing does… allows men to feel safe and women to allow the men to see their dignity within. Jason Evert said, “Women, modesty means you have beauty and power. And you use that to teach men how to love you for the right reasons.” THIS is why I am doing this challenge! And why I would like you to join me!! Modesty reveals the inner beauty while also allowing for the women to still embrace her femininity. How great is that!

What are some modesty guidelines?

A. Layering is always good! Make sure that your most private parts of your body are veiled. Shirts too low or shorts too high should be avoided. Shorts that are right above the knee are usually best, but trust me I know how hard it is to find some that fit “modest” standards. It may take some digging but I’m sure you can find some that work! If all else fails? Make some skirts or shorts yourself! Its really fun and cost efficient. Another suggestion, as women our stomach area is sacred and will eventually contain life, therefore it’d be best to cover it up!

Kileen, I’ve seen some modest clothing… It’s not cute. What can I do to style it up?

A. If you need some ideas check out my Pinterest profile! I’ll be updating it with my 30 Day Modesty Challenge board! Also the Instagrams will help give some ideas!!

I’ll be posting every week through the duration of the challenge! Let’s bring back a culture of modesty!

I’ll be praying for you, please pray for me!

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Kileen Willis is a senior at Colorado State University and will graduate with a degree in teaching history at the secondary level. She is passionately driven by her love of Christ which brought her to become involved with FOCUS, Students for Life, and become the author of the blog “Daughter of a King.” She tries to write about real life topics such as; dating, fashion, and the New Evangelization to young adult Catholics who are both male and female. She hopes to become a Catholic High School teacher but more importantly she hopes to go to Heaven. Read more of her blog posts and follow her at boldinloveblog.wordpress.com. “

Several years ago, the priest who concelebrated my wedding (Fr. Louis Solcia) suggested that I do something that I hadn’t done since the day I became a bride: wear a veil in church.

I had always considered the veil to be an outdated tradition, reserved for pious elderly women. To be frank, my first thought was, “No way. What will people think? I’ll be the only person under the age of 80 with one!”

I began asking God why he would ask this of me, and wrestled in prayer with him over the idea. Slowly, I put aside my human respect and asked myself, “Why do we all yearn to wear a veil for our First Holy Communion, and dream of wearing one on the day of our wedding, but cringe at the idea of wearing it at any other time?” In both instances, we’re veiled as we approach our earthly or heavenly groom.

I thought, “When it comes to my attire, what’s the difference between how I dress for Saturday’s dinner and Sunday’s Mass?” When I present myself at God’s altar, shouldn’t there be a difference? After all, you might be able to wear your “Sunday Best” for any formal gathering, but you wouldn’t do the same with a veil.

So, despite the insecurities that screamed at me, I put one on and walked into church. Surprisingly, I felt a sense of immediate peace. Soon, what I wore on my head caused me to reevaluate the appropriateness of the rest of my wardrobe. After all, how can a woman veil her head without sufficiently veiling the rest of herself? I found myself becoming more mindful and deliberate in my actions and prayers. It reminded me that I was in a holy place, and in a Holy Presence.

The veil renewed my sensitivity to the sacred. Although I already knew that every church is the dwelling place of God, I felt a deeper realization that he wanted to converse with me. I wanted to be more of a woman of God.

These immediate inner promptings drove me to begin researching the veil. Although I’m still learning its theological significance, I was allured by the fact that St. Paul said women should veil themselves “because of the angels.” I was surprised to learn that the three corners of the veil represent the woman being under the protection of the Holy Trinity.

I was especially intrigued when I read how feminists in the 1960’s exhorted women to “remove your badges of slavery to men and get rid of your veil!” The veil doesn’t represent my slavery toward men, but, as Alice Von Hildebrand remarked, “the female body should be veiled because everything which is sacred calls for veiling.  . . . Veiling indicates sacredness and it is a special privilege of the woman that she enters church veiled.”

At times, it’s hard because I feel as if I’m the only one in church wearing one. At these moments, I sometimes ask, “Why am I doing this?” But, I’m not the only one. Hillary Clinton wore one when she met Pope John Paul II, as did Michelle Obama during her meeting with Benedict XVI. Despite their less-than-Catholic public policies, they veiled themselves. If they veil themselves when they stand in the presence of humans in order to show reverence, how can I not do the same in the presence of God?

In wearing a veil, I’m not under the impression that it makes me more holy or pleasing to God than those who don’t. After all, God looks at our hearts above all else. All I know is that if you’re thinking about wearing one, don’t be afraid. You’re not the only one, and sometimes other women simply need to see your courage and they’ll follow. God did not give us a spirit of fear, but offers us his courage to rise up and be a light to others.

Although there’s much more that could be said, I’ll leave you with these three quotes from other women who have experienced blessings from wearing a veil:

“I think wearing the veil is a beautiful outward symbol of the recognition of femininity and its distinction from masculinity. Wearing it helps me grow in virtue in modesty, in humility, and authentic femininity.”

“People may have stared, I may be exposed to judgment, and no, I am not perfect. None of these reasons were enough to keep me from showing my love and respect for God!”

“I wear a veil because while I am in the presence of God, I wish to be hidden from everyone but Him. It reminds me that I am there for Him.”

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Crystalina Evert has spoken to hundreds of thousands of people on four continents about the virtue of chastity and is the author of Pure Womanhood and How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul. She runs the website womenmadenew.com and lives in Denver with her husband, Jason, and their children. (She loves the veils from www.veilsbylily.com)

I made this blog because a photo of my husband and I has gone viral on the internet. I wanted to share the story behind the photo for the hundreds of thousands of people who found inspiration through this sweet moment we had.

The Story Behind the Photo

Moments before I was to walk down the aisle my soon to be mother in law came in the dressing room where my bridesmaids and I were all gushing with giggles and fluttering about finishing last minute details.

“Sweetheart, your groom has called for you!”.

In a nervous tizzy I said, “What?! I’m not ready! I have to get my shoes and…” She had already taken my hand and led me to a corner, where my groom was waiting. I barely sat down; I was filled with so much anticipation! So much excitement! So many nerves!

“Is he going to like my dress? Does my hair look pretty? Can he see me?!”

Right around the corner sat my soon to be husband, I so was nervous he might see me yet secretly hoping to catch a glimpse of him. In my excited state I was the first to speak,

“Hi sweetie! We’re getting married today!”

“I know baby and I want to pray with you before we do.”

There we sat around the corner hand in hand, and together we bowed our heads. People were rushing about; the wedding coordinator directing people here and there, the photographers snapping photos and the bridal party enjoying each others company. Yet in that moment, in the quietness of our hearts and minds, my husband and I were alone in the presence of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

My husband prayed that God would bless our marriage, that through thick or thin together we would never lose hope in one another. That instead of focusing on each others imperfections we would always rely on Christ’s perfection. That we would wake up every day and chose to love one another not through our own strength but by the power of Christ’s perfect love.

With our hands clenched tightly to one another together we said “Amen”, both with shaky voice and just like that I was whisked away to blot the tears off my face and put on my veil.

After my bridesmaids, mother, mother-in-law and every other girl in the room had finished zipping, curling, tucking and blushing me up I looked in the mirror. There I stood wearing my pure white wedding dress, ready to walk down the aisle to my Prince Charming.

See, he is not only my Prince Charming because of his incredibly handsome looks, or wonderful humor, or the fact that we have so much in common. He is my Prince Charming because he helped me protect the most precious gift that I owned, my purity.

Soon after we had started dating I nervously told my Prince that I was a virgin and planned to be until the night of my wedding; to which he replied he would have it no other way.

Throughout our dating relationship and engagement we constantly fought, what at times felt like a losing battle. We fought temptation with prayer, scripture and accountability. I had friends checking up on me if they knew we were together late at night and he regularly met with other Godly men to pray for strength. At times, especially as the wedding grew closer, we thought we were attempting to do the impossible.

“Why are we doing this?” I would ask in my weakness, and he would remind me, that it’s because God had told us to.

“I can’t do it, I can’t… this is too hard!” he would confess to me and I would pray for his strength.

When I walked down the aisle in my white dress, I looked straight into the eyes of the man that had laid himself down to protect and honor the wife that God had given him.

When his eyes first caught mine he looked into the face of the woman that had waited for him, the woman that would support him and love him for the rest of His life, through good times and bad.

I share all of this because in that prayer we prayed, which was captured here on camera we asked the Lord to use our wedding to bring Him all of the glory that He rightfully deserved. We had not gotten where we were by our own strength, but by His hand of protection on our relationship.

God has used this photo to inspire hundreds of thousands of people already and for that we are humbled and honored! I wanted to take it a step further and give God praise and thanks for how we arrived at that quiet corner, holding hands and ready to begin our lives together.

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Originally posted by Bre, at her blog: The Power of Prayer