Chastity

Promoting the Virtue of Chastity

Hannah Crites

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Help! My doctors keeps pressuring me to go on birth control!

I absolutely loath going to the doctor’s office. It’s not because of the doctor’s office “smell,” awkward checkups, or possibility of needing to get a shot (although I’m not a huge fan of needles either), it’s because sometimes, as a college-aged woman, doctors pressure me to go on birth control. It’s awkward and uncomfortable and I used to panic when the words “birth control” were mentioned during an appointment. After a lot of trial and error, I have a better handle on how to deal with those awkward situations where you have to refuse birth control from a doctor.

1) Stay educated on why to avoid birth control.
I used to refuse to go on birth control because I knew that the Church taught against it when it’s used as a contraceptive. It’s what every chastity speaker told me. But I never really knew why the church thought so or exactly what birth control pills, shots, patches, and implants could do to my body. After doing some research, I learned that the risks of contraception outweigh the benefits from a medical perspective and I realized that the church makes logical sense to teach against it—both from theological and medical perspectives.

It’s important to form your conscience and do some research about not only what the Church teaches but also how birth control can harm a woman’s health. I used to go into the doctor with a speech prepared on the health and spiritual reasons against birth control, but realized I only needed to know those reasons for me to better understand why I should refuse it.

2) Be polite
I often times felt the need to get very defensive when a doctor began the birth control chat. Several would keep repeating, “It’s important to keep an open mind.” That would make me mad because I wondered where their open mind was about my beliefs. But they are simply doing their jobs. So be polite and refuse. I have found a simple “no thanks” is enough to stop the discussion. If they ask why not, I usually respond “for religious reasons.” and then they stop. Usually that reason alone is enough and they make a note of that in my file so they don’t push it as much next time I come in.

But instead of just refusing the drug, try to educate them about it! Some doctors don’t realize that birth control pills can increase a woman’s risk of breast cancer and that it can act as an abortifacient. Feel free to print up these medical journal articles to help them see where you’re coming from: [1] [2].

My general practitioner asks me if I have changed my mind on birth control every time I go in. I say no and we move on. It gets easier if you are confident in your desire not to go on birth control.

3) Ask about alternatives to birth control
I used to struggle with acne. I saw five different dermatologists about it and all of them suggested going on birth control to help balance my hormones as acne is sometimes a result of spikes in hormone levels. They also offered to give me a treatment that required I go on birth control because should I have gotten pregnant while I was taking the medicine, my child would be born with many birth defects. For the first time, at fourteen-years-old, my mama bear instincts kicked in and I refused both the birth control and the potentially harmful medication. I asked if there was anything else I could do to help treat my acne. They gave me other options and I was able to select a better, more natural, safe, and healthy way to fight acne without using birth control.

While there’s nothing morally wrong with going on birth control for medical reasons such as acne, PCOS, endometriosis, etc… it’s good to know that you have alternatives. Sometimes, you may need to get a second (or third) medical opinion for your treatment. Where do you begin? Look into NaPro Technology or find for an NFP-Only Doctor near you.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where birth control is so widely accepted by the medical community that it’s crucial for all young women to understand why the Church teaches what she does. Stay informed and always trust your intuition.
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hanHannah Crites is a sophomore at Franciscan University of Steubenville majoring in Mass Communications with a focus in Journalism and minoring in Theology. She is currently living in Washington D.C. and working as an intern for The Washington Times. She hails from Denver, Colorado and enjoys eating Twizzlers, long walks on the beach, talking in a horrible British accent, and the word “discombobulate”. Connect with her through Twitter @hannah_crites and check out more of what she has written at http://youngcatholiccentral.wordpress.com/

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Myths about Natural Family Planning

I am at the stage in life where many of my friends are preparing to get married. As they plan their wedding and book the honeymoon tickets, there are three words that often surface as they dive deep into their marriage prep: Natural Family Planning (NFP).

The most basic explanation for NFP is that it’s a term used for the process of observing the woman’s body natural menstrual cycles to determine whether or not to abstain from sexual intercourse during certain points of her cycle to permit or avoid pregnancy. The process requires no drugs or surgical procedures.

Unfortunately, companies that produce birth control have a monopoly of the reproductive health market. They have a large influence on modern thought, and as a result many misconceptions about NFP have been accepted as truth.

I have listed common arguments I have heard against NFP and responded as logically as possible backing my responses with research.

Myth #1 NFP is too difficult.

While NFP does require effort on the part of the couple to track what the woman’s body is going through, the fruits of it are surprising and inspiring. NFP requires a responsibility to track a woman’s body and live according to its designs, depending upon whether or not a couple’s goal is to postpone or achieve pregnancy. However, NFP requires only about two minutes out of every day and can be done as part of the morning or evening routine. It’s not designed to control every aspect of the couple’s life.

NFP teaches couples how to communicate and exercise virtues of self-control, respect, and obedience, which can benefit many other aspects of their lives including finances and health, and it allows the couple to get creative in showing their love for each other outside of sexual intimacy. It encourages romance. Some couples even say that despites its challenges, they enjoy another honeymoon each month.

Another positive note is that it’s a lot cheaper than contraception.

Myth #2 NFP is ineffective.

The reality is that NFP can be even more effective and it’s safer than contraceptives. NFP works with the body’s natural processes, unlike artificial contraception that works against it. When used correctly, NFP can actually be 98-99 percent effective in delaying pregnancy.

While the pill can be equally effective, women using NFP do not have to be concerned with the birth control pill risks, including increasing her risk of contracting breast, cervical, and liver cancer, heart disease, ectopic pregnancy, and yeast infections. (Source)

In addition to how effective it is, NFP teaches couples to be open to life and accept any children that the Lord has willed to give them.

Myth #3 NFP puts a strain on the marriage because couples are unable to enjoy sexual intimacy whenever they desire it.

NFP can cause tension in some marriages, especially when a spouse is unwilling to practice it. However, research shows that couples who use NFP have more successful marriages than those who don’t. Evidence has proven that the pill can contribute to divorce. The divorce rate for the United States is nearing 50%, contrary to couples using NFP which had a divorce rate of only 5 percent in 2013. Such a low percentage could be attributed to the following facts:

NFP teaches men to view their wives as the human beings they are and not as a means for immediate sexual fulfillment only because she is available and on birth control.

NFP could be good for the kids too! When parents practice the virtue of chastity in their own lives, their children are more likely to follow in their footsteps. They see that if mom and dad are able to practice abstinence for a short period of time each month, the children will draw from that example and learn how abstinence can be an expression of love before (and even during) marriage.

Myth #4 NFP is only for Catholics

Yes, the Catholic Church does promote NFP, but more and more studies about NFP and the benefits of it are being released by non-Catholic organizations.

Regardless of how they feel about the Catholic Church, non-Catholics would do well to consider NFP. Unlike contraception, it’s not good not only for your soul, but for your body and your relationship as well.

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hHannah Crites is a senior Communications Arts major and Theology minor at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She originally hails from Denver, Colorado and has written for numerous publications and blogs, hoping to someday work as a Catholic youth and young adult speaker, blogger, and social media guru. She is currently working for the Steubenville Conference office as an engagement assistant where she helps manage outreach beyond the conferences through social media and Steubenville Fuel website. Connect with her through Twitter (@hannah_crites) and Facebook. Check out more of what she has written here.

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It’s Never Too Late

In high school, I had a friend in my youth group who had a tendency to live a pretty reckless life. She liked going out and partying. She liked spending time with boys, hooking up and never seeing them again. She would go out and party on Saturday night but come to youth group and church on Sunday. She always had wonderful spiritual insight, but she thought it was too late for her because she was carrying so much sin. She was a nice girl who was very charming, but had an addiction.

By the grace of God, she went to a summer conference with the youth group going into our sophomore year.

The conference had a women’s session where a young woman talked about the values and beauty of chastity and purity and the fulfillment that comes with it. My friend left ready to turn over a new leaf. There was a booth that was selling purity rings. I have worn one for years and encouraged her to buy one, which she did.

We got back to school and about a month later she was still wearing the ring and hadn’t gone out to an immoral high school party like the ones she normally went to during that time. But on our second or third day of school, she was eating lunch with a guy who was a friend of hers and he asked her about the ring. She told him about the conference and the ring.

He mocked her, “Isn’t it a bit late for you to wear that?”

Humiliated, she took off the ring and never wore it again. Within a few months, she had fallen back to her old ways.

The lesson to pull from this story is a lesson that my friend didn’t learn. It’s never too late to turn over a new leaf.

Forgive yourself
This doesn’t mean you forget, but don’t let it come back and haunt you, effecting your happiness. It’s so easy to fall into a depression when you look back on your mistakes. Stop kicking yourself when you don’t need to.

The result of those mistakes is that you grow stronger and are better able to recognize the emptiness that the hookup culture brings and the joy that comes with being chaste. That is a gift that comes from the ashes of your previous life.

Make a promise to yourself.
Make it tangible and keep it as a reminder. This can be done by using a ring or another piece of jewelry. Write a contract or a statement and put it somewhere you will see it every day. Give yourself a visual reminder of that promise.

I wear a purity ring, which may seem out of style, especially for someone my age, but I love it. It’s a tangible reminder for me to remain pure and chaste, and it also gives me many opportunities to witness to others a chaste life and the joy that it brings me.

One of my friends bought a case for her phone with the words from Matthew 5:8, “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they will see the kingdom of God.” That serves as her reminder because she looks at it multiple times a day.

Another idea is to find a quote from a chastity speaker or a verse from the bible and save it as your wallpaper for your phone or computer. Hang a reminder on the ceiling above your bed so it’s the first thing you see when you wake up and the last thing before you fall asleep.

People are going to speak up. Do not let them get to you.
Living a pure, chaste life isn’t easy. It isn’t mainstream. Hookups and sex outside of marriage promise immediate easy satisfaction, but it’s very temporary and will ultimately leave you empty and alone.

People will think it’s odd. Those who speak up about it will be the people who are close to you; your friends, your family.

I heard a chastity speaker say that if you are struggling with temptations and want to fall back, you are doing chastity right. Keep going and hold onto that promise. It won’t leave you broken, it will ultimately fulfill you.

Don’t coward away. Be a witness to the fulfillment of chastity. Answer their questions and if they are out of line in their comments to you, tell them. It could inspire them to observe their own brokenness. Begin a chain reaction in your friend group.

And always remember, if you do fall back and make a mistake, it is never too late to start over again.

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560303_10151049006362011_1779988895_n-2Hannah Crites is a junior Communications Arts major and Theology minor at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She originally hails from Denver, Colorado and has written for numerous publications and blogs, hoping to someday work as a Catholic Youth speaker and author. She is currently working for the Steubenville Conference office as an engagement assistant where she helps manage outreach beyond the conferences through social media and Steubenville Fuel website. Connect with her through Twitter (@hannah_crites) and Facebook. Check out more of what she has written here.

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Nunca es demasiado tarde.

En el instituto, había una chica en mi grupo de fe que llevaba una vida bastante desordenada. Le gustaba salir de fiesta, pasar tiempo con chicos, liarse con ellos y no volverles a ver. Ella podía salir de fiesta los sábados por la noche, y luego venir al grupo de fe y a misa el domingo. Tenía una increíble capacidad de introspección espiritual, pero pensaba que era demasiado tarde para ella porque llevaba a cuestas demasiados pecados. Era una chica encantadora, pero tenía una adicción.

Gracias a Dios vino a una conferencia de verano con el grupo de fe cuando íbamos a empezar el segundo año en el instituto.

En la conferencia había una sesión para mujeres en la que una chica joven hablaba de las virtudes y la belleza de la castidad y la pureza y la realización que viene con ello. Mi amiga se marchó preparada para pasar página. Había allí un puesto donde vendían anillos de pureza. Yo he llevado uno durante años y la animé a comprarse uno, y lo hizo.

Volvimos al colegio y un mes después todavía llevaba el anillo y no había ido a ninguna de las inmorales fiestas de instituto a las que solía ir. Pero en nuestro segundo o tercer día de clase, mientras estaba comiendo con un chico que era amigo suyo, este le preguntó por el anillo y ella le habló sobre la conferencia.

Se burló de ella: “¿No es un poco tarde para ti?”

Humillada se quitó el anillo y nunca lo volvió a llevar. En unos pocos meses volvió a su vieja vida.

La lección de esta historia es algo que mi amiga nunca aprendió. Nunca es demasiado tarde para pasar página.

Perdónate.

No significa que te olvides, sino que no dejes que esos sentimientos vuelvan y te obsesionen, perjudicando tu felicidad. Es muy fácil caer en una depresión cuando miras de nuevo tus errores. Deja de maltratarte cuando no tienes que hacerlo.

El resultado de esos errores es que has crecido más fuerte y eres más capaz de reconocer el vacío que la cultura del sexo rápido conlleva y la alegría que conlleva el ser casto. Es un regalo que viene de las cenizas de tu vida anterior.

Hazte una promesa.

Hazla tangible y guárdala como recordatorio. Esto puede hacerse usando un anillo o cualquier otra joya. Escribe un contrato o un acuerdo y ponlo donde lo veas todos los días. Busca un recordatorio visual de esta promesa.

Yo llevo un anillo de castidad, que puede parecer fuera de moda, sobre todo para alguien de mi edad, pero me encanta. Es un recuerdo tangible para mí de la promesa de mantenerme casta y pura, y me da la oportunidad de testimoniar ante muchos una vida casta y la alegría que me da.

Una de mis amigas se compró una carcasa para el móvil con las palabras de Mateo 5, 8: “Bienaventurados los limpios de corazón, porque ellos verán a Dios”. Esto le sirve como recordatorio porque mira el móvil muchas veces al día.

Otra idea es buscar una cita del Chastity Project, o un versículo de la Biblia, y guardarlo como fondo de pantalla del móvil o del ordenador. Cuelga un recordatorio en el techo sobre tu cama y será lo primero que veas al despertarte y lo último que veas antes de dormirte.

La gente va a opinar. No les dejes llegar a ti.

Llevar una vida pura y casta, no es fácil. No es corriente. Los rollos de una noche y el sexo antes del matrimonio prometen satisfacción fácil e inmediata, pero es temporal y en última instancia te dejará vacío y solo.

La gente pensará que es raro. Los que opinen sobre ello será gente cercana a ti; tus amigos, tu familia.

He escuchado a un conferenciante sobre la castidad decir que si te estás peleando con las tentaciones y quieres volver atrás es que lo estás haciendo bien. Sigue así y mantén la promesa. No te destrozará, te acabará llenando la vida.

No te acobardes. Sé un testigo de la realización que aporta la castidad. Responde sus preguntas y si te molestan con sus comentarios, díselo. Podrías ayudarles a observar su propio estado. Comienza una reacción en cadena en tu grupo de amigos.

Y recuerda siempre, si caes y te equivocas, nunca es demasiado tarde para empezar de nuevo.

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560303_10151049006362011_1779988895_n-2Hannah Crites is a junior Communications Arts major and Theology minor at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She originally hails from Denver, Colorado and has written for numerous publications and blogs, hoping to someday work as a Catholic Youth speaker and author. She is currently working for the Steubenville Conference office as an engagement assistant where she helps manage outreach beyond the conferences through social media and Steubenville Fuel website. Connect with her through Twitter (@hannah_crites) and Facebook. Check out more of what she has written here.

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Single . . . and satisfied?

I’ll be totally honest; I’m a 20 year old who has never had a serious relationship. When I was younger, part of me was ashamed of that. I went to a huge public school where being in a relationship defined a person’s social standing. I wanted a serious relationship so I went on a few dates here and there, but nothing ever came out of them. It was frustrating and hard.

I’m a dreamer. For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted 7 kids to stay home with so I could raise them to be wonderful holy kids with a strong faith and foundation. I wanted to be that Catholic family I saw in church with the dozens of children whose parents embody marriage and the wonder of the sacrament. I love seeing a couple whose relationship is so rooted in God that you see His beauty in them. I see it and want it for myself. I go crazy thinking about it and planning for it. But, in order to have that beautiful sacrament, one element is missing: the husband.

I keep telling myself I’m young, I’ve got time to make me feel better about the fact that I have never had this serious relationship. Finally, I took these longings to the Lord and one day, while messing around on Laudate, a Catholic app on my phone, He revealed to me a prayer titled: “Be Satisfied with Me.”

Not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

It’s a beautiful prayer. I read it and something within me clicked; if I want a holy marriage rooted in Christ, if I wanted to fall in love, I first need to find love in the Lord. I had the faith in the Lord that his will be done, I had hope that I would find a vocation that would satisfy me for the rest of my life. I just lacked love, the love for God.

I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow Me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing . . . one you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.

At first this really frustrated me. I thought about how people get married all the time without loving God first. They figure it out along the way, or they don’t. Why can’t I be one of those people? Since then, I’ve realized, that’s not what I want. I want a marriage that will last; a marriage that people will look at and want for themselves because of the pure unconditional love that my spouse and I will have for each other.

Only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united to another
Until you are united with Me.

I pray the rosary every day, I try to keep up with the Liturgy of the Hours, and I go to daily Mass when I’m in school. How do I fall in love with the Lord and not just go through the motions Well, I’ve gotten into this habit of just telling him, “I love you, Lord.” It’s something I never said enough so now when I see a crucifix, a sunset that takes my breath away, a beautiful marriage, or I see or hear something that makes me think of beauty or love, I tell Him how I love him. So far, I am falling deeper in love with Him.

It’s hard and frustrating being patient and waiting for “Mr. Right”. I’m lucky, I haven’t had to kiss any toads before finding my prince (knock on wood). I’m okay with waiting, because I know that the Lord has something in store for me far greater than I could ever imagine or dream. For now, I have to learn how to be satisfied with Him.

Know that I love you utterly. I AM God.
Believe it and be satisfied

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hanHannah Crites is a junior Communications Arts major (with a concentration in Journalism) and Theology minor at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She originally hails from Denver, Colorado and has written for numerous publications and blogs, hoping to someday work as a Catholic Youth speaker and author. She enjoys drinking coffee (particularly in unhealthy quantities), playing the guitar, writing, long walks on the beach, talking in a horrible British accent, and the word “discombobulate”. Connect with her through Twitter (@hannah_crites) and Facebook. Check out more of what she has written here.

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What I hope my little brother learns about love

When I came home from college for Christmas, my 12-year-old brother admitted that he liked a girl in his class. I, being the concerned older sister that I am, asked what her name was. He was a little embarrassed so he refused to tell me, so for the next two weeks, every time he walked into the room, he was greeted with a “What’s her name?” from me.

It’s strange thinking that my little brother likes girls. My sister and I joke that he’s the perfect child because he has seen us get into enough trouble and he knows what the consequences are. He’s watched us go through heartbreak and loss. Hopefully, he’s learned from my sister and my experiences. I hope he keeps these lessons in mind as he grows and eventually enters the dating world.

I hope he knows that there is no rush to date. I remember kids starting to have “boyfriends” and “girlfriends” as young as third grade. Most of the time, the kids were just playmates but they gave each other that label. I remember hearing kids “hitting the bases” by the time I was in 8th grade. Kids are in such a hurry to enter the dating world. Why? There is no rush; they have their entire lives to date. They’re still young and have a lot of maturing and learning to do before they can date. I remember being that age and wondering why nobody liked me or why I didn’t have a boyfriend. Now I thank the Lord that none of that happen because I was certainly not ready to date. I wish I spent more time being a kid instead of concerning myself about what that one kid in my math class thought of me.

I want my little brother to know that he has to treat mom right. There was a kid I liked for a little while and became friends with, but I quickly changed my mind about my feelings about him when I saw the way he interacted with his mom. I heard him calling his mom “a skank” and “stupid” to her face and behind her back. He would ignore her when she spoke to him. I realized he may treat me with respect, but if he is willing to treat a woman he is close to like that, what’s stopping him from name calling and disrespecting me in the future?

My brother is so respectful towards my mom and I hope he doesn’t lose it. He opens the car door for her and waits for her to get in before he gets in. He’s patient with her when he’s helping her learn how to use the new fancy tv remote or her new phone when it would be so easy to get frustrated. I hope he doesn’t stop these habits. I hope that girls will see this once he starts dating and this respect he has for my mom transfers to how he treats his future girlfriend.

I hope he knows that it’s okay to be a fish out of water. Kids called me a prude in high school because I was very open about my faith and made it clear that I wanted to be respected as a young woman and wanted to wait to have sex until I was married. It caused me a lot of heartache in high school but now I am so grateful I didn’t fall to that peer pressure. My brother is outgoing and kooky. He likes wearing lacrosse shorts that have crazy patterns on them and bright colored socks. While all of his other friends may like the same college football team, he likes a random division 2 college football team of a school no one has ever heard of. He’s different and he likes it that way. That’s just his personality. I hope he holds onto that and recognizes that he shouldn’t lower himself to the standards of his peers for a girl. A girl should like him, quirks and all. She should find them endearing, like I do.

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hanHannah Crites is a sophomore at Franciscan University of Steubenville majoring in Mass Communications with a focus in Journalism and minoring in Theology. She hails from Denver, Colorado and enjoys eating Twizzlers, long walks on the beach, talking in a horrible British accent, and the word “discombobulate”. Connect with her through Twitter @hannah_crites and check out more of what she has written at http://youngcatholiccentral.wordpress.com/

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Why should men propose on one knee?

About a year ago, I traveled with a group of friends to Washington D.C. While there, we decided to visit the National Mall after dusk. We had heard that the area is spectacular with all of the evening night lights a glow. After walking around the pool to the various memorials, we concluded our tour at the Lincoln Memorial. I remember I was reading the Gettysburg Address, which is engraved on one of the walls of the memorial, and was interrupted by my friend jabbing me in the ribs with her elbow to direct my attention to a young couple who were at the feet of President Lincoln.

The young woman was facing him, her hands over her mouth in utter shock. The young man had a beautiful diamond ring in his hand and was down on one knee looking up at her. We automatically knew what was going on with that iconic gesture. He was asking her to spend the rest of her life with him in matrimony.

We get down on one knee in church and in front of royalty, but why does a man do it in do it before the woman he loves? And why should we hold on tight to this well known tradition?

The origin of this tradition is unknown, but like I said, the action itself has been around for centuries. Catholics bend on one knee as a sign of respect toward the tabernacle before taking their seats for the Mass. Knights bend down on one before the king when being knighted and when presenting themselves in a show of honor to royalty. In war, the losing party would kneel in front of the army who won the battle in surrender.

Respect. Honor. Surrender. Those are the reasons behind the bended knee in a marriage. As a sign of respect, the man lowers himself as an act of humility before the woman he desires to spend the rest of his life with.

Furthermore, when he is on one knee, the man is faced to face with the woman’s womb, where life is created. He is honoring her body and honoring her as the Lord’s creation, which deserves to be revered.

A man is surrendering himself and the rest of his life to her. He is surrendering bachelorhood for fatherhood in promising to raise children with her and remain faithful to her in all things.

I don’t know where that young couple from the Lincoln Memorial are now. Last time I saw them, I was leaving the monument and turned to see them sitting on the steps of the memorial discussing how they were going to tell their family and friends the big news. I don’t know whether they knew the significance and beauty behind his act of bending on one knee, but I do pray that she understands the gift of himself that he gave to her.

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560303_10151049006362011_1779988895_n-2Hannah Crites is a freshman at Franciscan University of Steubenville majoring in Theology and Mass Communications with a focus in Journalism. She hails from Denver, Colorado and enjoys eating Twizzlers, long walks on the beach, talking in a horrible British accent, and the word “discombobulate”. Check out more of what she has written at http://youngcatholiccentral.wordpress.com/

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How to help a friend who struggles with chastity

Being chaste in today’s world is tough. We are surrounded by a media that says it’s uncool to be a virgin, it’s weird to dress modestly, and it’s outdated to abstain from anything pleasurable.

In high school, I had friends who allowed themselves to be objectified and tossed around. Once they were defeated, bruised and heartbroken, they would approach me asking, “Hannah? How have you managed to avoid this pain and heartbreak?”

Prior to high school when I received my first purity ring, I decided that I wouldn’t watch pornography, I would never get drunk or do drugs, I would dress modestly, and I would wait until I was married to have sex. With a lot of prayer and with the help of my faith, I have kept that promise.

Although I held steadfast, it killed me watching my friends sleep around, coming home wasted from over-the-top parties, and seeing them jump from bad relationship to bad relationship. My friends would frequently face brokenness and heartache as a result of their decisions. My heart ached for them and I wanted to help… but how?

Over the years, I’ve learned that helping a friend who is struggles with chastity comes down to three things:

1. Listen

Encourage your friends to talk about their struggles. Sometimes, hearing it out loud from their own lips is enough to get someone to recognize that what they are doing is damaging them. You don’t always have to say anything. Just listen to them and offer a shoulder to cry on.

It’s important not to judge them, just be the foundation they are lacking elsewhere. There may a void in their lives, they may feel insecure, or that they lack love and are seeking it. Every situation is different. Hearing them and helping them find the core of why they feel these insecurities can be the start of healing for them.

Often times, it’s comforting to be heard.

2. Pray

This is a topic that is brushed off so easily because it seems too easy. Prayer is a word that is tossed around so much that people forget the power behind it and it isn’t taken seriously. But it’s so crucial for you as a friend to pray for those who are struggling.

They are in need of healing that only God can provide, not you as a human.  Prayer doesn’t have to be long and poetic. It can be as simple as “Heavenly Father, send your most Holy Spirit to give wisdom and healing to (insert name here) as they struggle to live a chaste life.”

Your friend is a child of God, whom He loves and died for. Ask God to forgive and them and guide them as they seek the respect that every child of God should have.

It’s not your responsibility to “fix” or “heal” them. It’s a task that is between them and the Lord. Be their spiritual cheerleader and ask the Lord for help in the things that you cannot do, because with God all things are possible.

3. Witness

If I was hooking up with guys on a regular bases, but telling my friend that she and her boyfriend should stop sleeping together because it’s hurting her, how likely is she to listen to me? What does it mean to be a witness? It means to live in a way that you are encouraging others to emulate.

If you are joyfully living the pure, chaste life, your friends will recognize the pain that you avoid and the joy and happiness that you have because you have love and respect for yourself. They are going to want what you have in comparing their pain and brokenness to your joy and happiness, and they are going to want it.

It isn’t easy watching friends suffer. It’s so easy to give up and say there is nothing left to do, but don’t lose hope that they can turn their lives around. Everyone can be healed.

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560303_10151049006362011_1779988895_n-2Hannah Crites is a freshman at Franciscan University of Steubenville majoring in Theology and Mass Communications with a focus in Journalism. She hails from Denver, Colorado and enjoys eating Twizzlers, long walks on the beach, talking in a horrible British accent, and the word “discombobulate”. Check out more of what she has written at http://youngcatholiccentral.wordpress.com/

 

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