Just Let Him Open the Door!


I would like to propose that us modern-day women have made a grievous mistake. You see, we have come to believe that some of the negative ramifications of the feminist movement are in fact how things ought to be.

We think that if a woman is to be respected by men, she must prove to them her strength. She must compete with them on the court, in the office, and in the home. She must put men “in their place” and make sure that no one would dare to think her the “weaker gender,” but instead as equal to men in all ways.

But what if we have it wrong? What if, in fact, there is still some truth to be learned from the “old fashion” ways of a relationship between a man and a woman?

What if it is possible for the two genders to be both equal in value and capable of declaring truce on this great fight to be the best? Perhaps then the word complementary could take the place of competition.

Take this story for example: My friend took a young woman, whom he had been hoping to get to know better for some time, out on a date the other night. He picked her up and, excited to begin their time together, led her to his car and opened the passenger door. Instead of her sliding in with a simple “Thank you,” this young woman stopped in her tracks and exclaimed, “I don’t need you to do that for me!” Shocked, he stepped away and continued on with the date—knowing in his mind that there would not be a second one.

Later that week he was talking with my fiancé about his confusion over this moment and the two agreed (along with other men who have been told a similarly shocking message before, I am sure) that this logic many women have adopted nowadays does not make sense.

Try flipping the scenario. A man and woman go out on a date and the man walks up to his door and just stands there, waiting for the woman to open it for him. In this situation wouldn’t we be quick to say that this man is treating the woman like a servant? So then how can we say that when a man does this same act he is not serving the woman, but instead is treating her like a “lowlier” person (more like a servant herself)?

If the act itself, regardless of who is performing it, is an act of service to another then why are so many women quick to see it as a sign of inferiority when a man does perform this act for them?

Men have deep within their hearts a desire to serve and protect. This is one reason why careers such as the military and police force are filled with them. Furthermore, as we see in many works of both classic literature and Hollywood films, there is usually a woman—whether that is a mother, sister, friend, or wife—in the life of each man that inspires him to go perform these heroic tasks.

Sure, fighting off a dragon or storming into battle may be extreme examples, but other actions such as opening the door, offering his hand, walking on the side of the road where the cars are, working hard to provide a home and life for his family, getting flowers for a woman that reminds him of their beauty, and other chivalrous acts, are all tasks that are within reach to the modern man should he choose to do them. Call me crazy but none of these actions sound like things a “master” would do for his “servant.”

The feminist movement was definitely right to speak up for equality in some ways, but in other ways the movement took equality to mean manliness.

So here is my challenge to all women: The next time a guy buys you flowers or tries to open the door for you or offers to pay for you…let him! He is merely looking for an opportunity to show you that he likes you through an act of service. We, as women in society, cannot both train men to stop acting chivalrous towards us, AND chastise them for not being gentlemen towards us later on (when we realize that this is how our hearts truly desire to be treated by them). 

He knows that you can open the door. He knows that you can pay. He knows that you can get your own flowers. He is simply saying that he doesn’t think that you should have to, and is offering his service to you instead. 

Is that really so bad?

“Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.”

~Ephesians 5: 25

(Posted Originally on www.restoreyourcrown.com)


Kaylin Koslosky is beginning her new journey as a high school science teacher. She loves hiking and being outdoors, and is passionate about sharing the beauty of Christ and this world with others. She is the co-author of Daughter of the King: Wait, Where’s My Crown?! and co-founder of www.restoreyourcrown.com with her best friend, Megan Finegan.



  1. This link is nice

    By Pritam saha | 4 years ago Reply
  2. I think your article is great, except I disagree with one thing. Unless the woman was outright rude in her refusing the opened door, perhaps the man should give her a second chance. A woman who refuses this may not necessarily see it as a sign of inferiority on the man’s part. Could she simply be so nervous that she is worried about her own image and feels unworthy of receiving such treatment? Since it is so ingrained in our young women today, young girls may not always appear to accept the graciousness of the man readily, but might go home after the date and privately appreciate his goodness. If the young man was interested in the woman’s personality enough to ask her out, perhaps he should take a look at how the rest of the date went before deciding he won’t ask her out again and not react with shock to this one moment, but react instead with understanding.

    By Kathleen | 4 years ago Reply
  3. Thanks so much for this article, Kaylin–the “complementary but not the same” reminder is so important these days.

    I’m curious what you think about men who won’t walk through a door held open by a woman. I have no problem with guys holding/opening doors for me, but sometimes I get to a door first (say, an office building) and hold it open for the people behind me. Very often I’ve had men stop in the doorframe, stick their arm above my head, and try to usher me through the door beneath their armpit. Awkwardness aside, it holds up traffic and, to me, feels rude, a denial of my attempt to be helpful and polite. Do you think this is a case where women should be able to perform the same act of service for men?

    By Kate | 4 years ago Reply
    • Hey Kate, I’ve wondered about this too, this used to happen to me a lot and it really bugged me because, like you said, they were taking away my attempt to kind and hold the door open for others.

      By Josie | 4 years ago Reply
  4. Thank you ? for your insightful article. We are so in need of this today in our society. Kindness toward one another, and caring for each other, are traits that need to be taught to both women and men. We need to look for goodness in one another.

    By Marilyn Bartkowiak | 4 years ago Reply

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