What to do when chastity gets frustrating

I stepped out of the van and into the cool evening air. As my friend drove off to finish an errand before rejoining me, I glanced across the parking lot at the lit-up building.

I am so not going into the dance right when it starts, I decided. After all, in my teenage mind, the “cool people” always showed up late to dances, no matter how formal or casual the event was. So, with several minutes to spare, I began walking around the church parking lot. A statue, standing on a wall of cement, caught my eye. I guess prayer can’t hurt or anything, I thought as I climbed up the pedestal. Soon, I was sitting cross-legged in front of the stone statue of Mary, the Mother of God. I began to list off formal petitions and blessings, when everything suddenly changed. Peering through the dark sky towards the face of the statue, I let myself feel the weight I had been trying to ignore.

As the consummate rule-follower, I tried to fulfill certain standards of purity in my life. No provocative dancing, no inappropriate outfits, no impure relationships. I had signed chastity pledges, written love letters to my future husband, and was seen at school as one of the “good girls.” Yet, despite all of these worthwhile exterior practices, I was dissatisfied. Now, sitting in a parking lot before a dance, I silently began to let my frustrations tumble out:

So, Mary, you know about all of the times I’ve fallen into temptations against chastity lately? Entertaining impure thoughts, not seeking chastity, and pursuing desires that are inappropriate? I know that I’m supposed to “strive for purity,” and not give into these temptations, but I’m human. I’m weak. I fall, and I feel that what you and God are asking of me is a bit much. So I’m gonna need some supernatural help. Okay? ‘Cause I really can’t do this whole chastity thing on my own.

As I dumped out my problems, I began to feel a little lighter. Eventually, I walked into the nearby dance, and did not dwell too much on the time I spent outside before the dance. Still, those honest prayers in the parking lot really impacted my life. In the past, chastity had seemed like a fairly constant battle. Following my mental list of “rules,” I would try to focus on overcoming any kind of temptation that I could find, in order to be a purer woman.

However, while having standards and overcoming temptations was good, I started to shift my focus. Instead of looking at life negatively, and seeing how I was constantly failing in my attempts to be chaste, I began asking for divine help more often. I renewed my devotion to St. Joseph, and invoked his intercession daily. As part of this devotion, I wore a “Cord of St. Joseph” underneath my clothes, a practice that hearkens back to the 17th century. This was a physical reminder of my commitment to prayer and chastity.

Along with shifting my focus in prayer, I also changed my focus in how I viewed other people. Instead of looking at others as potential temptations to lust and impurity, I began trying to focus on loving all the people I met as Christ Himself. As I strove to love other people more, and thought about my struggles and failures less, chastity started becoming much more natural to me. Instead of getting discouraged in my falls, I lived with more hope as I tried to love others better each day. In the years since that fateful night in the parking lot, I have continued to grow more in hope and love. Yes, I still fail. I still make tons of mistakes, and I do not always love people as I should. Yet, by focusing on honest, regular prayer—and by trying to love other people more each day—it becomes easier to live chastely in joyful hope, and not succumb to discouragement and frustration.


Assisi (18)AnneMarie Miller received degrees in English and Theology at Franciscan University of Steubenville in May 2015. She has a passion for the Catholic Faith, chastity, St. Francis of Assisi, and frolicking around barefoot. In August 2013, she was blessed to marry her incredible husband, and the two of them enjoy the epic adventures of young married life in the Midwest. When she’s not doing housework, writing, reading, working, or playing chess, AnneMarie reflects on life’s beauty and various random observations on her blog, Sacrifice of Love (http://marianninja.blogspot.com).


  1. Beautiful! Thank you!

    By Batrice Adcock | 5 years ago Reply
  2. It’s tough trying to be mature in this day and age and I wish you the best in your marriage. There are a lot of men out there who don’t agree with the teachings of the church on premarital sex. It’s sad but true.

    By Janice J. Camire | 5 years ago Reply
    • True there are a lot of men out there who don’t agree with the church’s teaching on premarital sex, but there are more out there who DO agree with it than you think. They are easy to find too. Look for guys who stay after Mass to pray. Look for guys who show up 20 minutes before Mass to pray The Rosary. Look for guys who aren’t afraid to talk to the priest after Mass. These pointers should help you find at least one.

      By Andrew Lind | 5 years ago Reply
  3. I liked the honesty of your writing. It showed the struggle and how prayer help. It is great the message is getting out there.

    By Donna Botts | 5 years ago Reply
  4. My sons, she’s 20 and 25, are also struggling with staying pure. They are cradle Catholics and want to stay pure until their wedding day. The older one is thinking of becoming a priest. This article will help a lot. Thank you for sharing this.

    By Cha Lim | 5 years ago Reply
  5. Please edit my comment to…”My sons, aged…20 and 25…” thank you. My phone is on speller so aged became she’s.

    By Cha Lim | 5 years ago Reply
  6. Sister, you such an inspiration. Keep up the awesome work. God bless you all

    By Emmanuel | 5 years ago Reply
  7. Thank you AnneMarie:)
    To be honest though I am a guy I did find it helpful. God bless you!
    I will pray for you in your toward marriage and purity and chasity . I ask if will do the same. 🙂

    By Christian Hadley | 5 years ago Reply
  8. God help us if we ever father 🙂 😕

    By karol fernanda ñira burga | 5 years ago Reply
  9. Thank you, reading this has given me new strength to follow up on the road of purity. It’s been hard for me lately.

    By Sandra | 5 years ago Reply

Leave a Reply