I’ll be totally honest; I’m a 20 year old who has never had a serious relationship. When I was younger, part of me was ashamed of that. I went to a huge public school where being in a relationship defined a person’s social standing. I wanted a serious relationship so I went on a few dates here and there, but nothing ever came out of them. It was frustrating and hard.
I’m a dreamer. For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted 7 kids to stay home with so I could raise them to be wonderful holy kids with a strong faith and foundation. I wanted to be that Catholic family I saw in church with the dozens of children whose parents embody marriage and the wonder of the sacrament. I love seeing a couple whose relationship is so rooted in God that you see His beauty in them. I see it and want it for myself. I go crazy thinking about it and planning for it. But, in order to have that beautiful sacrament, one element is missing: the husband.
I keep telling myself I’m young, I’ve got time to make me feel better about the fact that I have never had this serious relationship. Finally, I took these longings to the Lord and one day, while messing around on Laudate, a Catholic app on my phone, He revealed to me a prayer titled: “Be Satisfied with Me.”
Not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.
It’s a beautiful prayer. I read it and something within me clicked; if I want a holy marriage rooted in Christ, if I wanted to fall in love, I first need to find love in the Lord. I had the faith in the Lord that his will be done, I had hope that I would find a vocation that would satisfy me for the rest of my life. I just lacked love, the love for God.
I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow Me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing . . . one you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.
At first this really frustrated me. I thought about how people get married all the time without loving God first. They figure it out along the way, or they don’t. Why can’t I be one of those people? Since then, I’ve realized, that’s not what I want. I want a marriage that will last; a marriage that people will look at and want for themselves because of the pure unconditional love that my spouse and I will have for each other.
Only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united to another
Until you are united with Me.
I pray the rosary every day, I try to keep up with the Liturgy of the Hours, and I go to daily Mass when I’m in school. How do I fall in love with the Lord and not just go through the motions Well, I’ve gotten into this habit of just telling him, “I love you, Lord.” It’s something I never said enough so now when I see a crucifix, a sunset that takes my breath away, a beautiful marriage, or I see or hear something that makes me think of beauty or love, I tell Him how I love him. So far, I am falling deeper in love with Him.
It’s hard and frustrating being patient and waiting for “Mr. Right”. I’m lucky, I haven’t had to kiss any toads before finding my prince (knock on wood). I’m okay with waiting, because I know that the Lord has something in store for me far greater than I could ever imagine or dream. For now, I have to learn how to be satisfied with Him.
Know that I love you utterly. I AM God.
Believe it and be satisfied
Hannah Crites is a junior Communications Arts major (with a concentration in Journalism) and Theology minor at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She originally hails from Denver, Colorado and has written for numerous publications and blogs, hoping to someday work as a Catholic Youth speaker and author. She enjoys drinking coffee (particularly in unhealthy quantities), playing the guitar, writing, long walks on the beach, talking in a horrible British accent, and the word “discombobulate”. Connect with her through Twitter (@hannah_crites) and Facebook. Check out more of what she has written here.