During my years in the sorority, I read a lot of great resources on preparing yourself for finding your future spouse. They were very helpful in the journey to finding the vocation God had for me. There was even a recent post on the FOCUS blog about growing in emotional maturity to set you up for relationship success one day! No one ever writes about how to sabotage your love life though, so I figured I would help expand those resources. Oh yes, there are lots of easy ways to use your time in college to sabotage your love life. Follow the plan below to ensure you will end up on a long journey of searching for Mr. Right but ending up with Mr. Wrong.
Girl, if you got it, flaunt it!
Modesty? Don’t even think about it. All the Greek women going out are wearing revealing little numbers and you need to stay competitively dressed. Reveal as much as possible. Focus on clothing items that will turn you into a display of parts that every guy will want to look at. Having second thoughts on those pants with your Greek letters plastered across the backside? Buy them now and don’t look back. Doubting your decision to wear leggings as pants? Stop overanalyzing. Leggings will make sure you get noticed; they don’t hide anything and are comfortable at the same time! Rethinking that bikini for the summer? Go to the nearest store and get the stringiest one you can find. That will really get some attention while you tan by the poolside.
CAUTION: Gentlemen are more attracted to women who dress modestly, whom they can respect and trust. Women who intentionally keep their bodies sacred have more self-confidence and respect for themselves. Men are also honored by women’s modesty, as it helps them stay pure in their thoughts and actions. Modest women are the ones they want to take home to mom & grandma or have be the mother of their children someday, so be careful about keeping modesty in mind. If you buy a camisole to wear under your deep V-neck bid day t-shirt, gentlemen will begin to notice your attempt to stay modest and be grateful. DO NOT DO THIS!
Embrace the Walk of Shame!
It’s 9am on a Saturday morning and you are leaving the fraternity you shacked at to walk down the street to your house…but you are wearing the same going-out clothes from last night, you look like a mess, and are feeling insecure about if the guy you stayed with last night actually likes you or was just using you. PERFECT! Stop feeling guilty about this – this is college remember – you don’t have time for anything serious anyway, and Mr. Right would require more of you.
CAUTION: Gentleman take women on dates, treat them with dignity, and then take women back to their own homes at the end of the night without regrets. They respect women who take their sexuality as a gift to be given in marriage one day. They desire their future spouses to keep sacred the intimate moments that come in marriage – not only sex, but sleeping near the one they love at night or seeing them in their pajamas as they eat breakfast. Gentlemen also know that statistically if you shack up prior to getting hitched, it actually lessens the likelihood of success of the relationship long-term. If you tell a gentleman that you are dedicated to purity and emotional integrity, they will line up to take you out! DO NOT DO THIS!
Speak like a Sailor!
Sororities often have rules such as, “no cussing on the main floor.” That is so old school! Start swearing it up like a sailor and you’ll be like one of the guys in no time! Who cares about proper language or etiquette anymore? Can’t we all just calm down and stop caring about controlling what we say?
CAUTION: Gentlemen are conscientious of what comes out of women’s mouths. They usually are more attracted to pursuing a woman with a certain level of discretion and who speaks with dignity and grace. If you don’t cuss, you will come off as being beautiful, smart, disciplined, creative, and feminine. DO NOT DO THIS!
Whether its sports, weather, classes, parties, exercise, or food, remember to keep conversations to a minimum and to keep them on a superficial level. Keep your phone nearby at all times while you hang out with people. Remember to be attentive to every text/email/and call that you receive while you’re speaking to someone else. Steer clear from vulnerable topics like faith, politics, morals, family, or your personal feelings and views on life.
CAUTION: Gentlemen enjoy discussing both superficial and deeper subjects of conversation. They will not only desire to know facts about you but will want to get to know the real you. They aren’t just interested in small talk so they can score some points with you than may pay off at the end of the night. If you begin to open up and be real, they will take it seriously and value your thoughts, emotions, and opinions. At parties, men may become mesmerized by a woman who begins talking about real things instead of flavors of vodka, beer pong rules, and the latest shoe sales, so be careful. DO NOT DO THIS!
Gossip and complain
Bring up your roommate’s family struggles in front of others as often as possible. Or better yet, complain about how you hate your dermatologist for not prescribing antibiotics for your acne…didn’t he see that pimple on your forehead? It drives gentlemen crazy when they hear girls talking trash about a girl in another sorority house or complaining constantly about their frizzy hair. So don’t filter any of your thoughts, let all the juiciest gossip out as soon as you can and critique everything around you verbally so everyone can hear.
CAUTION: Gentleman like women with more going on in their lives than the drama of others or their daily woes. They love seeing women build others up verbally, stay discreet about gossip that may hurt someone else, or who take their daily struggles like a champ without needing to vent about them on a constant basis. DO NOT DO THIS!
That about sums it up. Using these tactics and principles nearly guarantees Mr. Right will remain at a distance and Mr. Wrong will continue lurking nearby. Best of luck!
Alright, I can’t end the blog that facetiously! Especially now that I may have stirred the hornet’s nest and am about to have women calling me out about how condemned I made them feel, if they’ve made these mistakes.
I have a confession to make to you – I wouldn’t give advice on this topic had I not made a lot of mistakes in my past and woke up one day only to realize I was living a cycle of attracting Mr. Wrong…not Mr. Right. My first sorority exchange (a biker-babes theme party) I showed up wearing something that would have probably given my father a heart attack. In the first month of my freshman year I had three different men stay the night. (Thanks be to God nothing very physical happened but boy, was I setting myself up for temptation and regret.) I also struggled with swearing, superficiality, gossiping, and complaining too! Wow…that was incredibly vulnerable and hard to write. What a piece of work I was!
Once I began to truly come to know Jesus and the forgiveness, freedom, healing, peace, and joy found in a life centered on Him and His plan for my entire life – my outlook on relationships radically changed. I took a few years off from dating anyone, to focus on growing in my faith, becoming the woman I wanted my future spouse to meet one day. I grew as a Christian woman and day by day by God’s grace I was transformed. Nearly seven years after walking with the Lord, most of that time as a single woman, I attracted Mr. Right and we got hitched. It’s been an incredible blessing and I thank God for changing my heart, attitudes, and behaviors. I am grateful for His sacrament of Confession that has wiped the old scars away.
So no, I am not condemning anyone. I just like to have fun when I write and ruffle some feathers.
(This blog post was originally published at FOCUS.)
Amanda Teixeira hails from Nebraska, aka “The Good Life”. She graduated from University of Nebraska-Lincoln with a degree in Nursing in 2008. She was a member of Alpha Phi on campus and served in many leadership roles in the house. Amanda is serving as the FOCUS Greek Director nationally. She and her husband, Jonathan, are entering their fifth year as staff members in the FOCUS apostolate. Twitter: @amandamtex