Should I leave a girl who is no longer a virgin?

Full Question

I have met a girl who I care for, but I know that she is not virgin anymore because she told me. I feel so sad and mad because I'm still a virgin and for me it's important to be virgin before marriage. I feel like I want to leave her, but I don't want to hurt her feelings by doing that. I do love her but when I think about what she did, it makes me feel that I should find another girl.

Answer

It is great that you realize the importance of staying pure until marriage and that you have lived up to that in your own life by remaining a virgin. It is also true that it is very important to find a woman who shares your values and has committed herself to purity before marriage.

Now, my question to you: You state that this girl you've met and care for told you that she is no longer a virgin. However, has she told you that she does not share your commitment to premarital purity? There is a difference between physical virginity and spiritual purity. While physical virginity can be a beautiful sign of spiritual purity, it does not constitute such purity. There are some who are physically virgins who have done everything but the "final act." There are also those who have given away their physical virginity, now regret it, and have recommitted themselves to premarital chastity and spiritual purity. Given your friend's honesty with you, my guess is that she may well be part of the second group.

Your friend can do nothing to become a physical virgin again, but she may well be doing all that she can to make up for her past and to live in the present as a chaste single person. If she has made such a courageous commitment, she deserves your respect and admiration whether or not you continue to pursure a courtship with her.

I can sympathize, though, with your difficulty in getting past this when your mind returns to brooding over her past. My suggestion is that when such thoughts come to your mind that you offer up a prayer of thanksgiving for her conversion and a prayer of supplication that the two of you will continue to stand firm in your mutual commitment to chastity.