I need an answer for those who say that the Catholic Church or opposition to same-sex marriage is "homophobic"?

First, the term homophobic refers to fear of homosexuality. This term often is used by homosexual activists to end rational discussion of the issue by accusing their opponents of having an irrational fear. This is unjust. One can disagree with and be critical of a behavior without having a fear of it. When the charge of "homophobia" is made, it signifies that those making the accusation do not have reasoned responses to their critics, so they switch to portraying their critics as irrational rather than responding to their arguments.

Second, while the Church does recognize homosexuality as disordered, this does not mean that the Church is uncompassionate to those who suffer from the disorder (cf. CCC 2357).